OT- did you have a "happy" childhood

[sz9144]

thanks for indulging me- I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, verbally abusive father, enabling mother, no love or affection or approval. And as an adult I have tried to distance myself from my parents, but once again my father has pulled his s%it with me, and once again sent me into a tailspin and depression. and I just wish I could look back on my childhood and smile and think of happy memories. my husband also grew up with an alcoholic, abusive father and passive-aggressive, disapproving mother

and of course I am determined to fill my children's lives with happy memories.

but I just wonder how many of us had that norman rockwell experience or more like what my husband and I grew up with?

 

[makinorlando]

I had an awesome childhood, with loving parents who were always there for me. I was the youngest of four, with the other three being 9, 10, 12 years older). 1The one bit of sadness during my childhood was the loss of my brother (he was 9 years older than me), in the Vietnam War. I grew up much like and "only" child as my older siblings were busy with their activities and jobs!

I traveled many places with my parents, well past the age that many teens enjoyed being with their parents, but we I truly loved being with my parents. My Dad died when I was 27, (21 years ago), and to this day I miss him, and wish he were here to share my life as it is now!

My mother and I are still best of friends.

I choose to end my marriage to my alchoholic husband when my DD was an infant, so she would not grow up with the drama and dysfunction that brings to a family. Although it is just the two of us - he chose to not be a part of her life.... I think we are pretty "normal". I try to give her as much as I can, and hope she looks back on her childhood as happy!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I had a great childhood except for some horrible family tragedies that were beyond our control. My parents were great and so much fun! We are even taking them with us on our next trip! Not everything was perfect but it was still great.

 

[sassymom]

I had a wonderful childhood thanks to my mother. She did it all alone, my father was not a constant in my life until I was about 19-20 years old. Funny that's just about the time I moved out, started a family, and needed no more raising. Everything I am able to accomplish in life and my abilities as a mother definately come from my own mother. She was our shining star growing up, making us always feel confident in our abilities and always feeling like the sky was the limit. She remarried a wonderful man and doesn't deserve any less. As a matter of fact we will all be going to WDW in August, a little surprise all expense paid trip from them to us. She remains a constant strength in my life and is my best friend and cheerleader. As for my dad, while he is making an effort now, I will never forget my childhood, but have decided to let the past stay in the past and try to grow a relationship with him. He is a good grandfather to my DD and DS so I guess better late than never!

 

[sarah4770]

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[huey duey & luey]

I had a really great childhood. My dh said I grew up in the Brady Bunch, unfortunatley he grew up as Marianne from the Munsters

 

[Tissa]

If you would have asked me in my early 20's I would have said it was terrible but now I'm in my 30's and I tend to remember the good stuff and forget the bad.

My parents divorced when I was 8 and when I would go over to my dad's house for the weekend he would get drunk and make us sit and listen to him go on about how horrible my mom was and make up stuff about her. My older brother was on drugs and would beat me up on a weekly basis, my mom didn't do anything about it. She didn't know how to handle him.

I just learned over the years to put my past behind me and live my life to the fullest and make sure my boys have a super childhood. No yelling, hitting, and especially no drinking. There will never be any drinking going on while my children are around. Just forget about your dad if he really bothers you. I only see my dad at Christmas even though he lives 5 miles away.

 

[minkydog]

My childhood was difficult at times due to my parents fighting all the time. There were 5 kids, so I suppose there was love there at some time. However, my dad was a difficult man and my mom was depressed a lot. there was no drinking,but he had a hard time holding a job so there was a lot of stress. Dad put Mom down all the time and didn't have much respect for women in general. Mom did her best to give us fun times and support us in our dreams.

So I'd say my childhood had happy times and sad times. I've tried hard to give my kids the benefit of that education and I married a good man who doesn't drink, swear, or run around. We have given the best we can and I hope that my kids will one day say they had a great childhood.

 

[Chris]

Add me to the great childhood list and my dh to the not so good.
I had a very idealistic childhood but my dh grew up in a 2 parent alcoholic home.

 

[HunnyPots]

To the OP; may I recommend a book for you? Its called "Bad Childhood, Good Life" and its written by radio host Dr. Laura Schlesenger. Now I don't always agree with her advice but she hit the nail right on the head with this one.
As for me, I voted in the last catagory so I understand where you are coming from but it doesn't have to keep affecting your adult life. And BTW, I really think there are a lot more of "us" than there are kids raised by Ward and June, if you know what I mean.
Best wishes for getting your life together...

 

[lclark0621]

I voted for Depressing but I made it through stronger.

I dont speak with anyone in my family. Does that answer your question?

My father was was verbally & physically abusive.

My mother was weak, allowed it to happen (would rather leave the house & go out with her friends while it happened, instead of defending her kids). My mother was also verbally abusive.

My family has some sort of sick co-dependent relationship.

Because of our up bringing, my brother took one path & I took another.

I choose to break the cycle. I married a good man, have a good life & a wonderful son, who is the light of our lives.

I think because of the way I was raised, I fight harder to make myself the best wife, mother & person I can be!

My brother has become a waste of space, drug addict, slacker, who lives off my parents & is perfectly content to stay out all night doing drugs & drinking, instead of going to school or getting a job. And my parents think it is ok.

I could have easily went down the wrong path. Allowed my family to pull me into the cycle of insanity. I could have easily done what my brother has done. It probably is easier to just get high & forget your problems.

But I choose to fight for my happiness. I think it made me a stronger person. Some people just dont know how lucky they have it. I DO because I had to fight for it!

BTW, my family was the one at WDW you always shake your head at. The one where the parents are loudly fighting, screaming at the kids & having an awful time!

Despite that all, Disney is still one of my favorite places on earth. I think that is because I have so many wonderful memories there already with my DH, and starting to build with my DS.

I wasn't going to let my awful childhood memories, ruin the most magical place on earth, for me!

Of course, a lot of my trips to WDW with with my grandparents who always made sure my trips were magical. They knew how screwed up my parents were, and tried to make the great 2 weeks I spent with them every year, really magical. I guess they wanted those good memories to keep me going until the next year. Thank God for them!

 

[bettyann29]

Growing up I felt like the luckiest kid in the world.. We didnt have much money but it was as if we didnt need it.. We only went on one family trip my entire childhood... Im sure my parents had a heck of a time as I said we didnt have any money but they never let on to it.. I didnt feel like I ever needed anything.. although times were much simplier than they are now..

Now that all of us kids are grown up I realize how dysfunctional my family is as adults.. But I love them all the same..

 

[babiesX2]

My childhood was OK except for that my parents wouldn't take me to Disneyland! I begged to go there and they wouldn't take me because WDW was "better." I wanted to ride the Matterhorn!

Seriously, I can't complain. I didn't grow up with alcoholism, abuse, or anything dysfunctional like that. Just a normal type of childhood I guess.

Ok, I lied. My mom has paranoid personality disorder. It was difficult living with it, but I have just put it behind me and I ignore her crazy talk now.

 

[babiesX2]

Of course, a lot of my trips to WDW with with my grandparents who always made sure my trips were magical. They knew how screwed up my parents were, and tried to make the great 2 weeks I spent with them every year, really magical. I guess they wanted those good memories to keep me going until the next year. Thank God for them!

I teared up when I read this.

 

[mrsltg]

My childhood was awful. Sure there were some good times sprinkled in but on the whole I would rather forget it. I know have two daughters whom I am determined to see happily through childhood.

My mother was exceptionally abusive phyiscally until I was around 12 or so and mentally all along. Finally, at 30 years old, I told her she was poison to me and she would either change her behavior or I would cut her out of my life. Amazingly she changed. She is no longer manipulative toward me, and I took the control of my life back. Like all bullies, once you stand up, they back down. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I've never been so proud as when I laid it on the line for her. That was six months ago. Sometimes the memories still haunt me but they have less power.

We went on a big family vacation to WDW when I was 11 (almost 12). In front of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride my mother slapped me in the face because I was standing in the shade about 5 feet from where I was told to stand (it was July). We went on the Big Red Boat after that. I was hit and emotionally abused again. The trip was miserable. When we took our older daughter to WDW for the first time I stopped her in front of where I had been hit that day so many years ago. I kissed her cheek and told her how happy I was to be her mom and to be in Disney World with her. She had no idea why I did that, but it made it right for me. When faced with the same situations where my mom decided to use her razor tongue or her hands, I proudly choose a different path. It's not always easy, but I leave with my held high. Everytime I do it, I win.

Best wishes for the other adult survivors here. And if there is a child reading this who knows the pain of what we're speaking of - hang on. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[sl_underwood]

My childhood was great until I became a teen and my mom wanted me back. I grew up with my grandparents and was given lots of love. I never had alot of stuff but I always had my needs met. Then when I was a teen, my mom remarried and had kids and decided she wanted me to come live with her. Being stupid, I thought she wanted to have a relationship so I moved. Come to find out all she wanted was a babysitter. So my childhood was good but I did have some difficulty accepting that my mother didnt love me. As an adult I see that my mother did love me, she just happened to be my grandma too.
My husband had a horrible childhood. He grew up with a father who worked all the time and just pretended everything was great and his mother beat him constantly, made him sick so she could get sympathy and made his life miserable. She made Mommy Dearest seem like June Cleaver.
As for being parents, we have both worked hard to avoid being like our biological parents. We also go to tons of parenting classes (we are foster parents and adoptive parents) and we work really hard to be the best parents we can be.
Lora

 

[Grendalynn]

As a child I thought my life was perfect... two loving parents (still married to this day 37 years later) 4 wonderful sisters, a big house, 3+ vacations a year to the islands, Florida, where ever we wanted to go....Skied every weekend in the winter, had a boat for the weekends in the summer. The Christmas Tree was always overleaded with presents and family all over the place. After we had sold the family business, dad tried out another business venture, and bought a bigger house on a hill -

Then the 80's hit. We went bankrupt and lost everything. The boat, the house, the vacations. But most of all we didn't lose each other. Dad's pride was hurt dearly and mom didn't know how to deal... Alcohol was certainly a factor for her, it takes a lot for me to write all this... Granted I was 4th in line - 2nd yougest. People that we knew in town for years and years offered financial help here and there, but Dad was too proud to take it. I wasn't really old enough to wrap my head around what was happening, so my older sisters suffered worse than I did. Maybe I am still in denial...

Don't get me wrong, there was never any physical abuse or anything like that . Some of the sisters would disagree, its all a matter of perspective. I wont go into all the gory details, as eventually everything turned around. Mom went back to college for her masters and was on the Honor Roll with a 4.2 GPA - She is a very respected teacher and over achieves in everything she does, Dad is a very respected local business man and invloved within the school districts. As I grew up and realized what I had experineced - disfunction of somesort, it made me a stronger person. And I put that toward my experiences and my traits as a mother and a wife.

There are far worse situations and family dynamics out there in the world - I see it in my job everyday. The things that I am thankful for are pretty basic and sometimes are overlooked by some, family members and otherwise: I/we had a roof over my/our head every day and food on the table, cloths on my back and shoes one my feet. And parents and family members that loved me. My parents never beat us and were never sexually abused. I know who my parents are and what their/our values are.

I feel like I had to chime in here... Not in a negative way but with a little perspective. Just because everything seems to be peaches and cream on the outside - its doesnt necessarily mean thats the way it REALLY is on the inside. If you ask most anyone who knows our family or who I/we grew up with - we had/have the Brady Bunch Family according to them. I still do not talk about our trials and tribulations freely or openly. It has taken a lot for me to be able to jot this much down for public record. I am sure some sisters will think I sugar coated some of this - but its a matter of opinion. In many ways we did/do have a Clever Family - lots of values, good manners, strong beliefs, and most of all a great family structure. But all I can do with the dysfunction is not bring it into my family but live and learn. I do not resent my mother, or father for that matter, and am very proud of their accomplishments. That part of my life is over and all I can do is learn from it and grow.....

 

[domesticdiva]

I was one of the not so lucky kids who grew up in a house with a lot of drug and alcohol abuse, from both parents.My mother also suffers from bi polar disorder which made our house more like a Salvador Daly painting than Norman Rockwell. My parents split when I was 11 and my mom remarried ( for the 4th time) a man who we will say was less than ethical. I understand the pain that having a less than perfect chilhood causes but I believe that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I wouldn't be half the parent I am (hopefully I'm doing okay) if I hadn't grown up everyday knowing that I had to be the exact opposite type of parent than that of which I had. Life is all about learning from our mistakes and unfortunately the mistakes of others, with or without forgetting and forgiveness. I certainly don't have any type of relationship with either of my parents, but that is only because I want to protect my own family from the hurt they caused me over my life. I think we are all pretty damn good parents, afterall we have already or are in the process of taking our families to the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!! LOL Kudos for all of us!!

 

[grlpwrd]

I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but thank God for my grandmother who took care of us, especially during the summers. Fortunately, I have happy memories with her and my brothers and sister.

My dh lost his dad at age 12 due to a brain aneurysm. His parents were good to him and his brothers, teaching them work ethics etc, but nothing dysfunctional like emotional or physical abuse. His mom (my MIL) was a working mom and so he and his brothers were cared for by his grandparents.

Yeah for grandparents!

 

[mommytomy3]

No, mine was not happy