Ok This has Nothihow do you deal with...*Dissapointing UPDATE 01/02/02

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

friends who don't support your new relationship?

Here's the story:
I recently got back together with my ex boyfriend. We dated last year (October of 2001) when i was a sophomore in high school and he was a senior in high school. He goes to a different school, lives in a different town, and none of my friends knew him when we first started dating. Now i introduced him to most of my friends (except my best friend who hasn't been around and my other best friend who lives in CA). Well my best friend who lives here in my town is not happy about it because he's older and she thinks i'm going to get hurt but it doesn't bother me that much about her.
My friend from CA is really bothered by this relationship. She's like an older sister to me so i go to her about everything. Well my boyfriend hadn't been calling even though he said it would. there have been like 2 day breaks between the calls and the only reason i talked to him tonite was because i called him. I told him i was upset about him not calling and i said i would break up with him if he didn't start calling. it's important to me because we live 45 minutes away from each other so we don't get to see each other a lot so i like to know that he's thinking of me by having him call me. Well i told my best friend and she said that he was just saying it to get what he wants and she doesn't think that he really cares or that he's gonna call. She got mad when i said that i did trust him and i was gonna see how things played out. She said she was sick of trying to save me from getting hurt and telling me what was gonna happen and not have me listen..so she left (we were talking online). When she gets mad, she gets really mad. It will most likely take a while for her to forgive me (although i have no idea what i did). So now i should be happy because i'm with a guy who cares about me and i care about him but now one of my best friends is mad at me. She says i'm only dating him cuz he's the first guy that was interested and that's not true. I wouldn't date him if i didn't like him.
Ok i think you have the point (now that i've revealed my whole personal life to you..please don't judge me). So i definately am staying with my boyfriend..unless he doesn't start to call. but there is no way for me to reach my best friend since she's leaving tomorrow for an unknown amount of time and i don't even get to say goodbye.
So how can i get my friends to be ok with the relationship?
i think that's the question i wanted to ask but if you have any other advice...i'll take it.
Thanks for listening to me ramble...

 

[EPCOTgrl1]

HI babe, i am sorry that your friend dont like who you going out with.I have problems with my bf's and i am sorry to say that i have ONLY had 2. last year i was a freshman going out with a senior and none of them liked it... it just takes a little getting use to!! And this year i met someone and the cruise (july 21!!!) and we started going out after we got home.. there was one small problem.. i live in one state and he lives in another!!we only talked over the phone and on the internet.. i know who you feel about them calling you. they live so far away that you cant be with them ALL the time like most people! if you like this guy and your friends dont think its right its ok. Its your life and you should be able to do what YOU want to do. I hope that this has helped you because that is the only what that i could get through my 2 bf without haveing friends coming up to me evreyday and saying how wrong i was and what a bad idea that this is!!! be happy and i hope you and your bf are happy together!!!

 

[AFgirl325]

Yea I have pretty much the same advice- like if they are really your friends, wouldn't they support you in everything you do? I would seriously just have a long talk with them about it and say that you really want their support and tell them how important it is to you and how you would do the same for them- and if they don't.... well I"m not sure what I would do... just remember that guys come and go and your friends who are girls don't! (ahh- that sounds like such a cliche-lol)

I hope everything works out for you Norah! Pixie Dust your way!

 

[dancergirl]

Hey Norah,
I agree that you should sit down with your friends and tell them how you feel and ask them how they feel and why they dont like the idea of you two going out. Who knows, maybe they know something about him and dont want you to get hurt in anyway. Another good thiing would be to see how your parents feel about it. Even though sometimes its hard to admit it, your parents are usually right! And your sibilings too!! Good Luck!!
Jenn

 

[Mousekateer55]

I'd have to take the side of your best friends. This boy that you are dating, you don't know exactly what has happened between the last time you went out with him and now. He probably can do things that he couldn't do last year. Slow down. You should take this relationship slowly. If you just go with the motions, you may be a mother next Christmas. You probably don't know his friends real well either or at least not all of them. I just wanted to share what your friends may be thinking.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

Thanks for all the advice you guys. I also talked to my mom and my boyfriend about it. I decided that i'm gonna follow my heart and stay with him for now. I'll keep you guys updated on what happens and i'm very happy knowing that i have you guys here to back me up.
Before we even decided to try things again i told him that we had to take it slow. I told him that if we didn't take it slow i would end it. He is taking it very slow. He asks me before he does anything (ie-he asked me if he could hold my hand....). If he wasn't taking it slow i wouldn't still be with him. But he is and so i'm gonna stay. I'll leave as soon as he starts to take things to fast or i feel that i'm gonna get hurt.

Thanks again you guys

 

[AFgirl325]

No problem, Norah, anytime! That's sooo cute he asked to hold your hand! And it's really cool you can talk to your mom about that kinda thing- I NEVER tell my mom about guys- lol

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

*UPDATE*

First of all thanks to all the people who have told me i'm doing the right thing by following my heart. i appreciate it.

Secondly...my boyfriend called me tonight..not once but twice...and i finally feel that he cares. My friend and now her cousin (one of my friends) are still mad at me but i'm happy with my boyfriend. We're seeing each other tomorrow so i'll keep u updated.

thanks so much for the help.

 

[EPCOTgrl1]

good for you!! i hope that you 2 are happy together!! and wish me luck i have to tell my ex that hs gf is overreactive (sp??) and he need to take a step back and look at what is happening!!

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

*NEW DISSAPOINTING UPDATE AS OF 01/02/02*

well..here we are...2 weeks into the relationship...and he's still not calling. the only time i get to talk to him is when i call him. now i call him and sometimes i cannot reach him. like he won't answer his phone.
Well i talked to him tonite. He was suppossed to call me on new year's and when he didn't i called him. Well tonite when i asked him what he did he said that he was home alone watching tv the whole nite..yet he didn't answer his home phone or his cell phone.
Well it bothers me...but i don't want to break up with him. Some people tell me to stay with him saying that he is busy (college and he's a firefighter) and he'll call when he gets a chance.
Some people tell me to break up with him because he doesn't call which means he doesn't care.
I need your help.
Tell me what you think. My friends finally approve of the relationship...but i don't feel like i'm in a relationship. i feel like i do all the work and it's not fun. but i can't break up with him. I lost him once and regretted it. now he's giving me a 2nd chance and i don't wanna lose him this time...cuz i know this is my last chance with him.
I've told him to call and he says he's so busy and will call when he gets a chance....so...that's all i have to say and i really don't wanna think about it anymore. So please help me :-(

 

[Gantastic11]

Well, from a guy's perspective, maybe he just doesn't like to talk on the phone? I'm in college too, so me and him are probably around the same age, and I just really don't like talking on the phone. That could be it.

 

[AFgirl325]

This is tough...well after you found out he was watching TV all new year's eve and when you called he didn't answer, that's just a little suspicious (i'm not trying to blame him or anything but JMO) and if he doesn't call... well... if I was in your position, I would give him an ultimatum or break up with him-maybe when you're single again, you can find a better guy who actually calls! think of it that way!

 

[Flower4Pwr]

Maybe you should offer him a break. Not a "BREAKUP" just a break. It seems like all his avoiding you might be him hinting that he's too busy to pay you the attention you want. You could just start things up again when he has time to pay you the attention you deserve. This way you aren't broken up so you shouldn't have to worry about him cheating but he can relax a little and focus on whatever it is that has him preoccupied. Since he did confess to you that he was busy you should cut him a little slack, but not too much. Since he says he wants a relationship with you he needs to actually put forth effort! But I also think it's a bit suspicious that he says he was home watching TV New Years but couldn't find some way to let you know. I mean it's 2002, there is email, pagers, cell phones, telephones, etc. He could have at least called you the next day to apologize and explain. That's tad suspect. But since I don't know him personally I can't say anything. But you should definitely think about reevaluating this relationship because no guy should upset you this much.

Hope I help & GL

Michelle