OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Shelly F - Ohio]

OMG

The other night in bed it happened.. I am very flexible and my DH is not. Well I was laying on my stomache and I reached back and grabbed my foot and pulled my leg from behind up toward my head. I said to Dh can you do this. What I meant was can you lay on your stomache and reach back and grab your foot.
Well instead he grabs my leg which caused me to laugh and a rolling thunder came out and I thought it would never stop.

 

[dvczerfs]

OMG

The other night in bed it happened.. I am very flexible and my DH is not. Well I was laying on my stomache and I reached back and grabbed my foot and pulled my leg from behind up toward my head. I said to Dh can you do this. What I meant was can you lay on your stomache and reach back and grab your foot.
Well instead he grabs my leg which caused me to laugh and a rolling thunder came out and I thought it would never stop.

gotta do the sneak attack!!! jump into bed first. tighten the covers up around your waist and make sure the rest of the covers are up and flat. load the sheets. wait for unsuspecting partner to pull the sheets back to get in and bingo!

 

[Dax]

gotta do the sneak attack!!! jump into bed first. tighten the covers up around your waist and make sure the rest of the covers are up and flat. load the sheets. wait for unsuspecting partner to pull the sheets back to get in and bingo!

Isnt that called a Dutch Oven....

Last night, we had a different dog in bed with us...The other 2 were getting antsy in bed...Well Wario is laying there, DH lets it fly...and Wario get up and starts SNIFFING!! Both the butt and the air....he then gives DH a LOOK...and moves to my side of the bed with a deep sigh..poor baby...I was laughing for an hour

 

[AirGoofy]

Isnt that called a Dutch Oven....

Last night, we had a different dog in bed with us...The other 2 were getting antsy in bed...Well Wario is laying there, DH lets it fly...and Wario get up and starts SNIFFING!! Both the butt and the air....he then gives DH a LOOK...and moves to my side of the bed with a deep sigh..poor baby...I was laughing for an hour

When you get the animals to move - by sound or smell - you know it is a good one!

 

[dvczerfs]

Isnt that called a Dutch Oven....

Last night, we had a different dog in bed with us...The other 2 were getting antsy in bed...Well Wario is laying there, DH lets it fly...and Wario get up and starts SNIFFING!! Both the butt and the air....he then gives DH a LOOK...and moves to my side of the bed with a deep sigh..poor baby...I was laughing for an hour

 

[avviexxx]

Ok these are hilarious haha

 

[mattsdragon]

Wow, I'd forgotten about this thread. . .

So we were in line for KS back in October, and talking to the guy in line behind me. Can't remember what we were discussing, I think football.

So we get into the truck, and he and his family are seated in the row behind us. Well, he turned from one side of the truck to view something out the other side, and perhaps his belt was a bit too tight, but he let one rip. He tried to play it off, but then he started blaming his daughter. It was all I could do to keep from laughing.

On a totally almost completely un-related, but still somewhat relavant topic, I'm trying to train my daughter to go "Toot-Toot" like a train every time she lets one rip so that when we're at Disney and she's 2 or 3 and someone does what that guy does, she starts going "chug-a-chug-a TOOT TOOT!!!!!".

 

[clovergirl5]

OK, I am still giggling. Yes, I am the 37 yo who still laughs at "fart" jokes in movies.

This morning, I am out running some errands. I call Dh to see if he wants me to pick up lunch.The cell phone battery dies on me. So I use the phone feature I have with On-Star. I hit the white button, and the female voice says "On-Star ready" JUST as she is saying that, I pass some gas. Since it was only me in the car, I didn't hold back, of you know what I mean. The voice immediately says "good bye" and hangs up!!!!

OMG, I was laughing so hard, I had tears. I am sure if the computer knew how to say "how rude" it would of!

Ok, Im roflmao! I see this is an old thread but I gotta read-gotta read

 

[clovergirl5]

Before I spend all day reading this thread and lmao, heres my story....When dh and I were teenagers he was over at my house. We were walking up the stairs, me behind him. All of a sudden, it smelled like a garbage can. I said, "It smells like garbage in here". Well, years later that incident was brought up and he informs me that he was cutting the cheese walking up the stairs with my face right at his butt level I really didn't realize that was what I was smelling cause it smelled like I was driving behind a garbage truck, not what you would normally refer to as passing gas smell.

One more, after we built our house, we were at the furniture store picking out a couch. Dh felt the need to christen the nice couches in the store with his stink butt air and one of the kids said, "who farted" right as our salesman was walking up to us. Dh blamed it on the kids of course. He also had a red face. Wtheck, don't you know you are going to be caught and outed by your offspring

 

[clovergirl5]

I am rolling reading this thread! It reminds me...

Thanksgiving last year, all the family is gathered around the table, about 12 of us total. My grandma had got up to refill her water while we all began eating, it was dead silent. Grandma stood at the sink running water and started to cough, well that cough obviously forced out some gas Grandma didn't know she posessed because she farted so loud she even startled herself. She straightened up stiffly and pretended nothing happened. We all looked up from our plates in shock, no one even breathed for a moment. We tried with all our might not to laugh, we held it together pretty well if I do say so myself. My grandma then proceeded to sit back down at the table, not a word was said about the emission at the sink...until my 2 year old niece just couldn't take it anymore. She looked at all of us and said "did you hear that!! you hadda hear that! Great Grandma toodled!!! Oh my god, she toodled so loud!" and laughed hysterically for a few minutes. None of us could hold it in but we tried, we turned out heads, choked the food in our mouths down and kept it in so we wouldn't make her uncomfortable. My sister said to her dd (dniece) "honey no, that was just a cough, go on and eat your turkey...NOW!". lol

Also dbil is a gas master, it's gotten ridiculous over the past few years. When he farts he will say things like "did you hear that duck?" or he will say something that probably isn't dis friendly so I will edit it..."I didn't fart, that's just another butthole talking smack behind my back", use your imgination on the real words he uses. He used to say this all the time until my ds caught on to it and attempted to repeat his dear uncle. It came out a little different though, thank goodness! he said "mom, I did not fart, it was just another butt smacking my backhole!". lolbtw...butt was not the real word used

*shakes head*

Omg, I can barely type Im laughing so hard

 

[laurie31]

With no less than SIX threads about farts on page one, I figured it was just a matter of time before this, the granddaddy of them all, resurfaced.


I have a new contribution in honor of the fart thread resurrection.


When DD#1 was 5 or 6, she had awakened early and come into our room to snuggle. DH had long left for work, and she fell back asleep before the alarm went off for us. I was just lying there, enjoying holding her, when she farted. And it was no ordinary fart. It went on and on and on. And on. It was of the "machine gun" variety, and there were 27 "rounds." I was DYING, trying not to laugh, but I woke her up. She asked what was so funny, and I managed to gasp, "You....just...farted....twenty...seven...times!" She was a mix of insulted and embarrassed, insisted there was NO WAY she could have done that, and then she looked at me like I had two heads and said, "You COUNTED?"

Well, when it just kept on going, I couldn't resist. Yes, I counted! I told DH about it later, and he was actually disappointed that he missed a fart of that caliber.

 

[Erik_in_TN]

When DD#1 was 5 or 6, she had awakened early and come into our room to snuggle. DH had long left for work, and she fell back asleep before the alarm went off for us. I was just lying there, enjoying holding her, when she farted. And it was no ordinary fart. It went on and on and on. And on. It was of the "machine gun" variety, and there were 27 "rounds." I was DYING, trying not to laugh, but I woke her up. She asked what was so funny, and I managed to gasp, "You....just...farted....twenty...seven...times!" She was a mix of insulted and embarrassed, insisted there was NO WAY she could have done that, and then she looked at me like I had two heads and said, "You COUNTED?"

Well, when it just kept on going, I couldn't resist. Yes, I counted! I told DH about it later, and he was actually disappointed that he missed a fart of that caliber.

"The Machine Gun variety". ROFLOL This thread has truely turned around a rotten day I was having. Thanks for the laughs.

 

[angie@dvcstore]

Omg these stories are too funny! I can't stop laughing LOL

 

[Disneycrazy!!]

If anyone in my family farts near our dog, she will look up at you and run to another room. She is not a fart smelling gal. It is pretty sad when the dog has more manners than the humans! LOL

One time at our mall, I had to take my 3 year old into the bathroom with me. Well, someone before us had really STUNK the place up. While I am quickly trying to get out of there he says very loudly "Mommy!! What is that smell?
Me " I don't know, hush!" Dear son " Momma? Are you going poopy?" Me " NO!! HUSH UP NOW!" Dear son begins to gag, eyes watering, face is red "Please hurry up, I'm gonna puke!" At that time I begin to hear several people laughing. I have never in my life wanted to stay in a public stinkin restroom stall until that day! I was soooooo emberressed to walk out to face so many laughing shoppers, who all thought I left that smelly package!!

Oh and my grandpa used to get the walking farts, He would tell us " Did you hear that? Somebody is stepping on some bullfrogs!" LOL Lol

 

[Harmonysmomma]

I am a nursing student. My teacher ALWAYS farts. She never says excuse me or anything. She just keeps farting and farting....

How AKWARD IS THAT???

 

[gregokdisney]

These are so funny!

We were standing in line in a movie theatre that has a separate lobby where you line up before you get inside. It's very small - so there were about 25 people crammed into a small vestibule off a building. A man comes up and gets in line behind my family - we were lined up me, DD 10, DS 7, and DH. The man lets a huge fart rip, and my son immediately starts dying laughing. He says "DAD!" and my DH says, "Wasn't me!" He proceeds to start questioning me and his sister. I am laughing, too, but trying not to. I refused to make eye contact with my DH as my son goes on and on about it. "Well, if it wasn't DAD, and it wasn't SIS and it wasn't YOU mom, it wasn't ME, who could it BE?"

After we got inside and away from that man, we told DS that it was another person in the line. To this day we still call him the fart scene investigator. If anyone farts around him, he will get to the bottom of who did it!

 

[laurie31]

These are so funny!

We were standing in line in a movie theatre that has a separate lobby where you line up before you get inside. It's very small - so there were about 25 people crammed into a small vestibule off a building. A man comes up and gets in line behind my family - we were lined up me, DD 10, DS 7, and DH. The man lets a huge fart rip, and my son immediately starts dying laughing. He says "DAD!" and my DH says, "Wasn't me!" He proceeds to start questioning me and his sister. I am laughing, too, but trying not to. I refused to make eye contact with my DH as my son goes on and on about it. "Well, if it wasn't DAD, and it wasn't SIS and it wasn't YOU mom, it wasn't ME, who could it BE?"

After we got inside and away from that man, we told DS that it was another person in the line. To this day we still call him the fart scene investigator. If anyone farts around him, he will get to the bottom of who did it!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I am a nursing student. My teacher ALWAYS farts. She never says excuse me or anything. She just keeps farting and farting....

How AKWARD IS THAT???

OMG! But I have to tell you, be careful when you actually become a nurse. I started a job as a phlebotomist, and I can't tell you how many times I have tooted as I lean over a patients a bed. The just comes out on it's own. Never in my life have I farted without even trying.

This just remided me of something that happened at my other job, the pizza place. I was out back washing dishes, and normally, I am alone out there. So I will let them rip at will. (Usually, I make sure other workers are busy doing others things, so they don't come back there in the "thick" of it). Well, I was scrubbing out the sink, and I let one loose. It stunk to high heavens. My own eyes were watering. Before it had a chance to dissipate, one of my co-workers walks past the sink. They kind of paused a minute. Before I let them get a chance to figure it out, I immediately scrunched up my nose, and started complaining about how bad the smell was coming from the sink. That made my co-worker come over for a closer "sniff" and they couldn't believe how bad it was either. They called the manager over, and she couldn't believe it. The entire time, I am biting my cheeks not to bust a gut laughing, that everyone was coming over to smell my fart. I was playing along though, insisting that someone MUST call and have the grease trap cleaned out.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

OMG OMG! I am re-reading these posts from the beginning, and I have tears coming down my eyes.

"Don't come over here Mary!" from post 25 has my stomach cramping up!!!

 

[redlight]

I could I have missed this!