OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Ride Junkie]

DH and I got a new puppy, and I was squatting down playing with him and our other dogs. The puppy starts sniffing at my butt, and I let one go. Well, he pulls his head back from my hiney, shakes his head, and walks away.
What does that mean, when a dog won't even sniff you butt?

On Sunday, we were sitting around watching a movie. DH is on the couch, his legs tucked up under him and he is leaning onto the armrest. The dog is laying between us, his head near DHs butt. DH lets one fly and the dogs head pops up, nose heads straight in to ground zero........then he rears back, shakes his head and lays back down. I started laughing until tears were rolling...............

OMG, dogs are hilarious! We really need video of this kind of stuff.

 

[CruisinEars]

Laughing my head off and peeing my pants reading this. Too funny!!

Just giving a bump.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

This gave me something to read for my middle of the night insomnia.

A couple of years ago my mom and younger brother were visiting me and we went to wal-mart. My mom is the very proper type who NEVER farts or burps or anything unlady like. My brother on the other hand is a gas machine.
The 3 of us were standing in the nylon isle when all of a sudden there was a loud pop and a horrendous smell. Assuming it was my lil brother I looked at my mom and said "MOM!!!!! I can't believe you did that!" She scurried around the other side of the isle and my brother began to make a wheezing noise. I looked at him and said "what"?

He said " that wasn't me! It was mom!"

I ws mortified! She was so ticked off at me! My brother and I still laugh about that one!

 

[douglisa]

I used to work at a hospital where the housekeepers were not treated very well by the docs and nurses on the wing my friend worked on. One day I was joking w/ my friend that she should leave a suprise stinky bomb on the elevator for the snobby people. Mind you it was an employee elevator. LOL
So just as we were reaching our floor she let loose. I could not get out fast enough and nearly ran into the group of docs entering. She was smiling as if she had really achieved a great thing. So it became a tradition.

 

[3guysandagal]

This thread deserves a bump,
For more stories about the rump,
And the gases it may emit,
While we pray it was not.......

 

[luvflorida]

All of a sudden DF says "Oh my god, I left all my Harley stuff under the table!" (souveniers for a friend back home, about $100 worth.)

I can't imagine having to go back to the scene of the crime.

I know I've laughed hysterically over many of these stories, and for some odd reason, farts and fart noises have always made me laugh. However, my latest encounter with someone's inability (or unwillingness) to control themselves was NOT funny.

My husband, daughter, and I were flying back from vacation last week, and someone sitting either in the row in front of us or in back of us kept letting them rip every ten minutes or so. Now, honestly, who does that on a plane? Whoever it was, must have delighted in the fact that they had a captive audience. Talk about sadistic. Just think about the stale air on a plane anyway, and the fact that there is NO place to go to get away from the stench.

The weird thing was nobody else, except for my daughter and me, seemed to notice. Either that or everyone else was a lot better at hiding the fact that they were overcome with the fumes. My husband was totally oblivious (and I KNOW it wasn't him!) and my daughter spent a good portion of the flight with her nose buried in her sweatshirt.

After about the twentieth time we were assaulted with this person's farts, I turned to my daughter, and with a really disgusted look on my face, I said, "Okay, this is just ridiculous! I can't believe someone can be that rude and ignorant!" She starts laughing, trying to be quiet about it, and tells me, "That last one was me. I figured what the heck." OMG! I couldn't believe it! I told her that BETTER be the LAST one she let go!

Unfortunately, the real culprit DIDN'T stop until we were on the ground. That was the longest flight of my life. UGH!!!!!

 

[alldiz]

Gas has and always will crack me up

I read a story of these people who were kidnapped in the jungle.
It was about gov't stuff...Here are these terrified people being held in the jungle.....someone lets one rip....and they are all cracking up.

I literally cannot stay quiet if someone farts....if your trying to let it slip by....
I will notice and laugh accordingly....BTW if you fall down...I will laugh also.
Kerri

 

[Todd&Copper]

However, my latest encounter with someone's inability (or unwillingness) to control themselves was NOT funny.

My husband, daughter, and I were flying back from vacation last week, and someone sitting either in the row in front of us or in back of us kept letting them rip every ten minutes or so. Now, honestly, who does that on a plane? Whoever it was, must have delighted in the fact that they had a captive audience. Talk about sadistic. Just think about the stale air on a plane anyway, and the fact that there is NO place to go to get away from the stench.

The weird thing was nobody else, except for my daughter and me, seemed to notice. Either that or everyone else was a lot better at hiding the fact that they were overcome with the fumes. My husband was totally oblivious (and I KNOW it wasn't him!) and my daughter spent a good portion of the flight with her nose buried in her sweatshirt.

After about the twentieth time we were assaulted with this person's farts, I turned to my daughter, and with a really disgusted look on my face, I said, "Okay, this is just ridiculous! I can't believe someone can be that rude and ignorant!" She starts laughing, trying to be quiet about it, and tells me, "That last one was me. I figured what the heck." OMG! I couldn't believe it! I told her that BETTER be the LAST one she let go!

Unfortunately, the real culprit DIDN'T stop until we were on the ground. That was the longest flight of my life. UGH!!!!!

My poor DH was once on a cross-country flight on which they served eggs for breakfast. Eggs, for a lot of people, lead to egg-farts. DH said that within an hour of being served, people were passing gas left and right. Everyone was miserable. Lesson to the airlines: DO NOT SERVE EGGS (or beans or broccoli) ON LONG FLIGHTS.

 

[debaudrn]

This thread deserves a bump,
For more stories about the rump,
And the gases it may emit,
While we pray it was not.......

 

[HollyTyler]

I found this on the Freebie thread and thought it was appropriate here too!

sample of Gas-X
https://secure.novartisotc.com/secur.../trial_alt.jsp

 

[alaskanmommy]

Great thread! I can almost smell the odor coming off of the posts!! I don't really have a story more of a fart theory! In our family we give people a hard time when they fart!! But really we think it's hilarious, especially when somebody gets grossed out!! Back to the theory, we hold true that when somebody farts the reason it smells so bad is because the "farter" let's out "pooh particles." These particles are tiny invisible pieces of poop and when the "fartee's" smell them in all actuality they are inhaling tiny pooh pieces into their nose! We think it's funny and sharing this theory, especially when there is farting going on, really grosses people out!! Anyway, just thought I'd add my two cents to this hilarious thread!!!

 

[sunsprinkle24]

I found this on the Freebie thread and thought it was appropriate here too!

sample of Gas-X
https://secure.novartisotc.com/secur.../trial_alt.jsp

I ordered one!!

 

[kangareaux]

Well, there's no better place than this thread to tell you what my friend (Who's a science teacher) found in the 7th grade science book.

Next to a pic of a planet:

"Uranus is comprised mostly of Methane"

And the poor woman had to read it with a straight face to a classroom full of middle schoolers!

 

[jmskinner]

Great thread! I can almost smell the odor coming off of the posts!! I don't really have a story more of a fart theory! In our family we give people a hard time when they fart!! But really we think it's hilarious, especially when somebody gets grossed out!! Back to the theory, we hold true that when somebody farts the reason it smells so bad is because the "farter" let's out "pooh particles." These particles are tiny invisible pieces of poop and when the "fartee's" smell them in all actuality they are inhaling tiny pooh pieces into their nose! We think it's funny and sharing this theory, especially when there is farting going on, really grosses people out!! Anyway, just thought I'd add my two cents to this hilarious thread!!!

Ok, so I am heading to dinner with my mother tonight and she for some reason tells me how she will get up and pass gas in the bathroom and my DSD told her she should go outside and she thought she was being nice going into the bathroom to do it. I told her we just lay in bed and do it. DH, me, and the two dogs.

Oh, and DS(9), that is how I know he is awake. He will lay in the bed when I try to wake him up. Eventually he will let one rip and that is when I know he is awake and needs to get out of the bed. He always laughs. I wonder if an alarm clock with a farting noise would wake him up?

 

[HollyTyler]

Well, there's no better place than this thread to tell you what my friend (Who's a science teacher) found in the 7th grade science book.

Next to a pic of a planet:

"Uranus is comprised mostly of Methane"

And the poor woman had to read it with a straight face to a classroom full of middle schoolers!

Oh my gosh!!!! I'm sure the whole class cracked up!

 

[klmall]

Any new stories anyone???

 

[Chantilly]

My grandmother is 87 years old and is still doing really well. She's had some health issues lately but has moved back into her own apartment in the senior co-op building. Yesterday was her birthday and I stopped by to say hello. My dad stopped by along with aunts, uncles, & cousins - all crammed into her tiny 1 bedroom apartment - for some lemon cake and ice cream.

I'm a little lactose intolerant and on the elevator ride down from the 9th floor I felt a little rumble. No biggie, I thought, I'm alone in here. So I let it go. I'll only say it wasn't pretty and I kept praying at every floor that no one else would get on. Thankfully, I was still alone when the lobby bell dinged. I cheered silently to myself - I'd made it! It was after 8pm in a senior apartment building. No one would be on that elevator til the next morning! Woohooo!

Unfortunately, there was a lovely couple waiting to go up for what appeared to be an anniversary celebration. At least, that's what the cake they were carrying said.

I bolted out of the elevator, around the corner and out the door.

 

[IDoDis]

When DS was 2 years old, I was starting to potty train him to poop in the toilet. Anytime I'd hear him pass gas I'd ask, "Are you pooping?" That way I could get him on the toilet right away.

Fast forward to DS and I at Wal-Mart. DS is sitting in the front of the shopping cart. I'm pushing the shopping cart down a food isle and stop in front of the jarred spaghetti sauces to find the right kind of sauce. A very pregnant lady is next to me bending over to pick up something from the bottom shelf. The pressure from being bent over caused her to rip a loud one. DS exclaims very loudly, "Is she pooping mom? Is she pooping?" I grabbed the handle bar and dashed away as fast as I could and never looked back!

 

[jmskinner]

I was sitting in a doctors office today and there is a restroom adjacent to the lobby. Many people have gone in there before and I haven't been able to hear anything, but today this man goes in, turns on the fan, I guess to cover up any noice, and proceeds to do #1. I can hear it all. Well, then he lets one rip. His wife is sitting directly across from me and I can't look at her because if I do I know I will completely lose it. I'm sure once they left the office she let him know.

 

[chell]

Today at work we had our Thanksgiving lunch. I had a new pair of shoes arrive today so I changed into them as soon as I got them but they were a little tight and created suction on my feet. Every time I walked around, especially on the wood floors you would hear this little noise from my feet. I was so embarrassed and afraid people would think I got really bad gas from the lunch.