OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Disney1fan2002]

OK, DH is scared. This is why.

The other night we went to bed. All was quiet, and all of a sudden, my insides made a very loud grumble/gurgle. It was NOT my stomach. A little lower. Dh couldn't believe what he heard. He was like "WHAT was THAT?"

I started giggling and said it was me. He says "Oh man! You must be churning up a new cloud! GREAT!"

 

[DisneyWorldWisher]

This thread is quite odd.

 

[babytrees]

Have you ever had the displeasure of actually seeing a fart?

A couple of years ago, when dd was 6 or 7, she was lying on her bed with her dad reading. I came in the room and questioned who was tooting, because it reeked in there.

Dh and dd are blaming it on each other, when dd sticks her bare butt out of her nightgown and lets one go. I swear on all that is holy, I actually saw the cloud of noxious gas emanate from her butt.

That is so sad.......but oh so funny!!

I too have seen the toots.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

OMG I'm dying reading these. My DH thinks it's funny to get my DD 2 to fart. She can do it on command. The other day he was laying on the floor playing with her, and she runs over, sits on his head and, cute as pie says "I'll make a poot!" and she did. Right on his head. Then she stood up and did a little dance. I was laughing so hard I cried.

I love fart stories.

 

[HollyTyler]

Have you ever had the displeasure of actually seeing a fart?

A couple of years ago, when dd was 6 or 7, she was lying on her bed with her dad reading. I came in the room and questioned who was tooting, because it reeked in there.

Dh and dd are blaming it on each other, when dd sticks her bare butt out of her nightgown and lets one go. I swear on all that is holy, I actually saw the cloud of noxious gas emanate from her butt.

EEEEWWWWWWW! But SO funny! I can just imagine!

 

[staley7580]

Okay, heres my story. My dh is famous for his very stinky hiney. When I was pregnant with my dd, we were in the shower, and he just rips one. The stinkiest, most disgusting thing. Being pregnant and oh-so emotional I start crying. Thats right, crying.........because he farted. He also taught my son to fart on command before his 1st birthday. Now my dd farts, and sits there looking around, waiting for someone to cheer for her.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

Thank God someone else's husband does this too. I thought it was just mine, and have been trying to find out if it was grounds for divorce!

 

[babytrees]

I just had the sweetest little girl visiting my office....she's sitting on the floor with her legs crossed until she toots THEN she uncrosses her legs and keeps on tooting....the only reason I know this???? My office is stinky!!

No warning, no nothing!!!

 

[cinmell]

Check this out:
fart soundboard

OMG

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

Oh dear, these are so funny! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying - I just spent today reading through each page, and it's a darn good thing I work from home!

DH can let some stinky ones fly, but he's most famous for the intensity and the volume on his farts. The man can literally make the furniture shake with a single toot! I'm a transplant to CA from MN, and was a little nervous about earthquakes when I first married DH and moved out here. So one night shortly after we were married, the bed suddenly was shaking and I grabbed DH and said "is this an earthquake?" DH started laughing so hard he was crying, and it took forever to get him to be able to speak again and tell me "no, I just farted!" It was silent, but it shook the bed with the force of it!

Some of his noisier farts do sound just like a duck, so we call them "butt quacks". He invented the saying one night and was so amused by it that he couldn't stop giggling, and then he started farting because he was laughing so hard, and it sounded just like a duck going "quack, quack, quack". It only added to the hilarity, and pretty soon we were both laughing so hard we were crying.

I babysit a very funny little girl, and once when she was about 7 months old she was laying on her back, kicking her feet in the air and blowing raspberries and making other rude noises with her mouth. She did this for about 10 minutes straight, and then grabbed her feet, grunted, and let out the loudest, stinkiest fart EVER! And then the goofy girl just started laughing and laughing and laughing. It was so funny!

 

[laurie31]

Well, you haven't lived until you've seen this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=usRldgBlEBk

same video, different link (in case the first one didn't work - lol)

http://www.sillyhumor.com/babyfart/index.html

 

[disallday!]

That is so cute!!

Glad I found this thread... especially after the trauma my DM put me thru...


Passing gas quietly and quickly leaving the grocery isle with me standing there looking for something.

 

[lindakmonty]

omg!!! I read every single post over the past hour. I have tears streaming down my face...I try to settle down enough to share w/dh and I just lose it. I went to go get a drink of Root Beer and start laughing so hard I about spit it out Long live the fart thread

 

[goofygirl]

Don't know if I posted this already but:

My mom and I were talking about the expression "cut the cheese" for farting. She said "It doesn't make any sense. Cutting cheese does not smell that bad. However, when you open a jar of herring, it really stinks."

So from then on, the code for it became "Did you just open a jar of herring?"

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

Bumpin' this up for everyone who needs a good laugh today...

Viva la Fart Thread!

 

[Todd&Copper]

Sunday night, I was lying in bed watching the Survivor finale, and my dog Malcolm was up on the bed with me. All of a sudden, my nose is assaulted by the most noxious stench! I put a new plug-in in the outlet and got the air freshener spray, and it was good again. For all of about 5 minutes. He kept farting, it was almost like his sphincter was just hanging open the entire time. Finally, just after 11:30, he hears a noise downstairs and jumped out of bed, and I closed the door after he left. He is getting old, so I feel bad kicking him out just b/c he has gas, but it was wretched. What a "mommy" won't do for the love of her furbaby.

 

[luvflorida]

DH can let some stinky ones fly, but he's most famous for the intensity and the volume on his farts. The man can literally make the furniture shake with a single toot! I'm a transplant to CA from MN, and was a little nervous about earthquakes when I first married DH and moved out here. So one night shortly after we were married, the bed suddenly was shaking and I grabbed DH and said "is this an earthquake?" DH started laughing so hard he was crying, and it took forever to get him to be able to speak again and tell me "no, I just farted!" It was silent, but it shook the bed with the force of it!

Some of his noisier farts do sound just like a duck, so we call them "butt quacks". He invented the saying one night and was so amused by it that he couldn't stop giggling, and then he started farting because he was laughing so hard, and it sounded just like a duck going "quack, quack, quack". It only added to the hilarity, and pretty soon we were both laughing so hard we were crying.

OMG!!!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

So last night, my ex came over and we were watching the Nutcracker on DVD...something I used to LOVE as a child and I wanted to enjoy it again. Well, right in the middle of it, as I'm drooling over Mikhail Baryshnikov in those tights, Ex lets out the loudest fart of his career. In my fairly new recliner that I've barely used myself. Then he laughs so hysterically that he starts crying and yells, "Yes - it's the Buttcracker Suite!" And now he's completely ruined the Nutcracker for me

 

[HollyTyler]

Just bumping up for more gassy humor!

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

bumping up for all the late-night DISers who are bored!