Oh my, I've been invaded

[minkydog]

Not quite sure what to do...Remember our foster son Eric, whose mother died in November? His house burned down about 2 days before Christmas. All 6 kids were home and they all made it out,but the house is destroyed. They're all farmed out to various relatives and friends. The dad took them to Disney World over Christmas and they tried to make the best of it.

Tonight I heard deep male voices in my living room and discovered Eric is back...with his laundry...and his Christmas presents...and his razor...he wants to move in after we return from our trip next week. Hmmm...the thing is, I'm trying to move DS20 OUT. I really don't want to move another 20yo into my crowded domain. Eric is a sweet kid, but he's loud and energetic and we really don't need all that activity right now. DH is recovering from a serious bout of pericarditis and needs rest(that's why we're going to WDW this week ) I'd like to move BOTH boys out together, maybe to an apartment or a trailer. We'll be talking about it I'm sure this week.

I feel bad for Eric, but he does have family in the area. I'd like to help,but I'm not sure I want to bring him into our home when we're actively trying to drive our own big baby bird out of the nest. Ack!

 

[ZPT1022]

Why not actually move them out together?? I guess I don't understand why he is your foster son in the past tense but not anymore?? Seriously though, if you could help him out short term but tell him that the DH is recuperating and you're trying to tone down the stress/kids in the house, I think that's only fair. Does he work? Does your DS? Why can't they find an apartment together? Seems like it might be the best for both if for some reason he doesn't want to go with his other family. Good luck

 

[disneyfreakk]

I suspect that Eric is feeling very alone right now and needs a mother figure. And he has chosen you. I am sure you are at your wits end with having two grown men that dont want to leave the nest. I hope you allow Eric into your home for a while, atleast until he comes to terms with his mothers death and grieves. But sit them both down and give them a deadline of when they need to be out on their own. Make sure it is enough time for them to work and save their money. If they go out on the town and blow all of their money, then tell them tough luck. I dont really see why you should be footing the bill for grown men, even if they are your sons. I wish you luck!

Kellie

 

[Tinker74]

...Firstly I hope your DH is feeling better and Have a wonderful trip next week.

I think it would be a good idea to bring up the two boys moving out together.
You could offer to help them find a place.
Good luck.

 

[minkydog]

Why not actually move them out together?? I guess I don't understand why he is your foster son in the past tense but not anymore?? Seriously though, if you could help him out short term but tell him that the DH is recuperating and you're trying to tone down the stress/kids in the house, I think that's only fair. Does he work? Does your DS? Why can't they find an apartment together? Seems like it might be the best for both if for some reason he doesn't want to go with his other family. Good luck

I fostered Eric when he was around 18. His mother was critically ill, but recovered. When she came home his parents decided he needed to leave, so he moved in with me. I made him finish high school and he lived with us for about a year, until last August. I love Eric like a son and he is a nice kid. A nice kid with bad ADHD. Having John and Eric in the house is like living with a pile of Golden Retriever puppies. You can't imagine the noise

I suspect that Eric is feeling very alone right now and needs a mother figure. And he has chosen you. I am sure you are at your wits end with having two grown men that dont want to leave the nest. I hope you allow Eric into your home for a while, atleast until he comes to terms with his mothers death and grieves. But sit them both down and give them a deadline of when they need to be out on their own. Make sure it is enough time for them to work and save their money. If they go out on the town and blow all of their money, then tell them tough luck. I dont really see why you should be footing the bill for grown men, even if they are your sons. I wish you luck!

Kellie

I think you may be right. Eric is kinda lost right now. He was extremely close to his mother and was present when she died(bled to death--it was horrible. John was there too.) He was set to go into the Marines, but that had been put on hold. In the meantime he has gained at least 30 lbs and taken up smoking I don't think he has a job right now.

We were planning to sit down with John after our trip to work out a timeline for him to move out. It's time(there has been lots of strife lately). He's working part-time and will need to work more hours. We'll help him with his rent for awhile. Perhaps we can help Eric into a job and move both boys to the same place.

 

[shortbun]

Sounds like you have it handled. Glad the boys have you and that you are going to direct them to their next step in life. So sorry for Eric's losses lately. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow he must feel. Being a young guy with a bad case of ADHD and having nowhere to live having just lost a parent. whew! Again, they are lucky to have you. Take care of your husband and show those guys how to step into the real world!! Good luck!

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

We were planning to sit down with John after our trip to work out a timeline for him to move out. It's time(there has been lots of strife lately). He's working part-time and will need to work more hours. We'll help him with his rent for awhile. Perhaps we can help Eric into a job and move both boys to the same place.

I think this is the best thing you can do. Sit them BOTH down, and give it to them straight. They're not kids now, and if Eric feels like your son, then he won't mind being treated the same way you are treating your other son.

Bless you for being such a great person that this 20 year old man loves you this much!