Oh boy...sticky inlaw situation...

[Mermaid02]

....last week we went to a Fort here in Maine that is quite historic. I ended up buying my ds a cap rifle. I know many disagree with toy guns but that isnt' the problem. The problem is my father in law.... while I was at college orientation last week, he and my son played "cowboys and indians".....so instead of pretending he's hunting (which is what he said he wanted to do- "pretend I'm hunting with Daddy") he's out "shooting" indians. I am so angry you don't even know. To top it all off my fil apparantly told Jack about "scalping" because he's talking about that too. Oh and he was playing this with my neighbors dd whose uncle is full blooded native american..... I'm angry and embarassed and I don't think my fil will change. What would you do or say??

 

[LvsTnk]

Oh My! Hugs!

 

[Keli]

I'm not sure how to approach this point of view without offending you because it's obvious you are ticked off about the situation but...I have a feeling that unless you have talked with your FIL about these things before that he is just being a man of his generation and means no harm. When my FIL was young the singing cowboys (Rex Allen, Roy Rogers and a host of others) were all the rage and that's what little boys did with their cap guns-played cowboys and injuns'. I am not saying that it is a good idea for your FIL to fill your son's head with these things but I just wonder if you shouldn't chalk it up as a misunderstanding, have a little talk with FIL and son and just work it out? That's my 2 cents anyway.

 

[Mermaid02]

I guess some things I consider COMMON SENSE...... it isn't 1950 anymore...... it's not okay to perpetuate racial stereotypes.... we have indeed had conversations about these things. This is the FIRST toy gun I have allowed my son to have..... they have always been "bothered" by the fact that I haven't let him play with guns...... it's like they thought since I got him the toy I now agree with their point of view. When I told him what happened- he LAUGHED. Oh boy yeah it was a real laugh riot to hear my son spout that garbage.

I see what you are saying Keli..... but believe me he knows my feelings all too well. I just don't think he cares. Thanks for the vent.

 

[Serena]

I don't think you are going to change your fil at all. So I wouldn't even bother with him.

What I would do is talk to my son about history, television, respect and tolerance of old coots who should know better.

I would make sure your son knows that no matter what his grandpa might say, he is not to repeat it anywhere else.
The we used to play like this, because, etc, etc.
We don't do that anymore because we have learned, etc, etc.

It'll be a good lesson for your son, one he'll hand down to his kids.

{{{hugs}}}

 

[mamajoan]

oh my you sure are in a situation..I am not sure that there is anything you can do except for have a sit down with your son and explain how to be pc and show compassion to others.

as for the toy gun issue. My boys are now 21 and 15. When they were little I hated when they would beg for toy guns and I tried to avoid it... However when youngest was about 16 months old (big brother did not play with guns with him) We were at Tony'Roma's with some older family friends.. at the end of the meal, as the adults were talking, Jake picked up a rib bone, pointed it at our friend, Big Jack, and said "BANG!" We were all flustered and giggled... I then decided that boys will turn anything into a weapon.. sticks, popsicle sticks, fingers, even rib bones whether they have used real toy guns or not..

After this event we gave in and let the boys have squirt guns and gi Joe stuff... dh was a marine at the time so I think it was inevitable....
God Love 'em... boy's, dad's, uncles and grandpa's.. the testosterone ridden of our society
best of luck,
Joan

 

[dizneegirl]

Oh flame me...

When I was little, I had a cap gun. We played cops and robbers, superheroes, and, gasp, cowboys and indians.

Call me insensitive, but I wouldn't have a fit if I had a kid playing cowboys and indians now. I asked DH if it would bother him... he said no as well.

We must be horrible people, huh?

 

[SeaShelley]

Great post Serena! Loreli, just have a talk with Jack about how "because Grampy is old" he was raised not to appreciate the differences in people and how it's not nice to talk about scalping indians.

I'll start packing up all of Ty's camo clothes and army paraphernalia for ya. He has (FINALLY) out grown his military/gun phase and now thinks he's the second coming of Tony Hawk!

Don't worry about Jack.....this too shall pass.

 

[Dream]

I think this is what is generally referred to as a "generation gap". Grandpa obviously thinks this is ok...you will not change him! The one to have aheart to heart with is your ds. He HAS to live in today's world. How embarrasing and unfortunate about your neighbor! Bet he understands "Grandparentisms" too though. Toy guns? Little boys will use their fingers, a stick, a popsicle stick...anything their imagination can transfer into a "gun" to play with. I truly think it is genetic. Grandpa was wrong to do this if he knew your feelings on the subject...I would discuss it with him again if I were in your shoes. I just wouldn't expect to get anywhere! Sorry!!! Parenting is a real hoot isn't it?

 

[Cinders]

You've already got some great advice but to add to it a little......We too avoided toy guns with our sons except for squirt guns. We always told them if they played with toy guns at other peoples houses that were absolutely not to point them at people. Now that they are both older and in scouts they both have learned how to safely use a gun. Learning the rules of gun safety is important even with toy guns because kids have been known to mistake a real gun at a friends for a toy one. And even police officers have mistakenly thought someone was armed when in reality they only were carrying a toy gun. Its better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Buckalew]

I'm agreeing with Keli. Have a talk with them both but don't expect to change your FIL. It is how he played when he was a child and he is sure to think he turned out fine, so will Jack. Keep instilling in Jack the truth & all the PC stuff and let them play. Having lost my FIL in January, I would love (&DD would too) have him back to play some more with DD. My dad, on the other hand, doesn't play anything.
Good luck!