OFF TOPIC What age is ok to stay home alone?

[RainK]

At what age did you leave your child (or would you) alone for 2 hours after school?
I have a VERY responsible DD aged 10.5 and am trying to decide if it's ok to let her get off the bus with her 8 yr old brother until I get home from work. It's 2 hours. It would be for 3 days a week only.

Both my kids get on the bus themselves in the AM.....there is a 15 - 20 minute timeframe where I need to leave for work until the bus comes. I just call them when it's time to leave the house.

We've left her home for a max of 45 minutes before. She is fine with it....I am just worried more so than her.

We live in a VERY small neighborhood. Dead end street and maybe 7 houses on the street. She has a cell phone.

What age did you or would you leave a child home for 2 hours? I used to babysits at age 11....but...I know we live in a Different world nowadays.

 

[1000HappyWishes]

I started staying home alone when I was 10 years old. I spent basically an entire summer by myself while my parents worked and my brother was at daycare. I wasn't allowed to babysit him until I was 12 (I tried to when I was 11, but his violence issues became too much of an issue for me, he's still not allowed to stay home by himself), but at 10 years old I was allowed to stay home by myself for essentially as long as my parents were gone. I think you'll be fine.

 

[brymolmom]

I tend to be one of the least protective in my group of friends, but I don't think I would do this. I HAVE left my now 11 year old alone for small times when he was 9 and 10...And still do for short periods. He and dd9 will be getting off the bus alone this year...But I get home from work about 20-30 minutes later and work 10 minutes down the road so can be home quick if needed. I do not let them wander the neighborhood when they are home alone - I only let them stay indoors with doors locked and not answering at all. IMO - 2 hours locked up in the house, 3 days a week for the entire school year is not really fair to the kids. Of course, you might be comfortable letting the kids outside and that would change things. Honestly the fact that there are fewer houses is more concerning to me - the fact that we're in a big neighborhood with lots of SAHM's around and lots of eyes walking by almost all the time is a better setup IMO.

Other questions to ask yourself - How is your dd with emergency situations? Would she call 911 immediately? Does she know what to do if a stranger comes to the door?

I almost always answer 'yes' when this type of thread comes up, but I'm a 'no' on this one.

I plan to leave my kids alone for longer periods when I am comfortable allowign them to go outside at will/play with friends in the yards, etc. and that LIKELY will be when they're 13 and 12....And that might be significantly impacted by the younger one's age and not so much the older.

 

[jtowntoflorida]

I would not make a 10 year old be responsible for an 8 year old.

 

[Mom2six]

This type of situation is always hard. The kids are at an age where paying the cost of after school care may seem silly at times, but yet they aren't both old enough to be comfortable with them home alone.

It was so much simpler 20 - 30 years ago when everyone babysat at 11. The first time I babysat I was 11 and the baby was only a few months old. Now I would hesitate to have an 11 year old watching an 8 year old.

I am with another poster that the small neighborhood with dead end street seems more scary - are there enough people around to notice a problem or a stranger lurking around? Are any of the people in the other seven houses home at that time? Does anyone else get off the bus at your bus stop? Those questions make a difference. If no one is home and only your kids get off the bus in your neighborhood I would say it is not safe enough. That's just my opinion though and you know your area & kids best!

 

[Mom2six]

I forgot to add that I don't think 2 hour inside after school three time a week is a big deal - gives them time to get homework done etc.

 

[Sparkly]

I started being left alone all day in the summer around 12 or 13. I think 10 seems pretty young. I guess it depends on how responsible she is.

Sent by morse code- dot dot dash.

 

[amylevan]

As my kids are only 4 and 1, I have some time before I have to face this, but I think this would be my thought process:

Do you trust them to do as instructed? (Homework, snack, obey house rules, etc)

Is there someone in the neighborhood who you trust who will be home in case there is an emergency?

Do they get along? Will the 8 year old listen to the older one?

What does your gut tell you? Do you trust them?

How do they feel about the plan? (including the 8yr old)

 

[Happyjen27]

In this case with ages so close, I would go by the age of the youngest child, not the oldest.

It's a big responsibility for the older child. If one were a 15, and the other 8, I would say no problem.

If one were 12.5 and the younger 10 I would feel more comfortable. But with the youngest being 8, I would wait.

If she were an only child at 10.5 I think that, too would be fine since she is mature and responsible. Can the 8 year old go to a program and have the 10.5 stay home alone?

 

[dismom22]

My coworker (also married to DH's cousin) has a DD11 and DS9. Her DS just turned 9 so it's a close comparison. They live in a decent size subdivision in a town of 3000(ish?). Though they argued occasionally as most siblings do, they did spend some afternoons home alone this summer and they will get off the bus to stay home alone for an hour or two this school year. I'd say there are probably 7 houses or so in the direct vicinity of their home. They do fine. If you know your kids and your neighborhood, do what you trust them to do.

 

[RainK]

This is what I was thinking. If it were under an hour I would not worry so much.

There are about 4 other dead end culdesac streets in our neighborhood but not many kids.
I kept saying I needed to wait until 6th grade (which is next year) but when I found out friends of hers are staying home alone after school this year it had my wheels turning.
If some of those kids lived closer I would have them stay together. Too bad they are on opposite sides if the town.

Right now we have a sitter come to the house for 2 hours each day until I get home.

Thanks for the insight.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

12? For me, it's hard to say, because we have two children (3.5 years apart), and they stay "home alone" together.

 

[SEA333]

We are planning on letting our DD and DS come home from school on the bus, which drops off at the end of our block 3 houses away, next year when DD is in 5th grade, and DS is in 3rd. They will get home at about 3:10pm and I get home at 4:50pm. Older DS, who will be in 9th grade (high school) next year, will be in and out, depending on what he has going on after school. Our next door neighbors are retired, and she sits in her window facing our house and reads every afternoon, and the mom behind us is a stay at home mom whose DD is good friends with my DD, and we are good friends with the whole family, really. We won't expect any of our neighbors to be responsible for our kids, but we know they are there and that our kids would be able to seek help from them if there is an emergency. I am only 10-15 minutes away as well.

Older DS was in 6th grade when he started coming home alone after school, but DD is much more responsible than he is, and he was by himself....she will have younget DS with her, and big brother too the majority of the time, so we are perfectly fine with it.

The $600/month savings we will get by having no daycare will be nice, too....the kids are currently with the sitter for a five minute ride to school in the AM (DH drops them off as the sitter is getting into the car to take them to school), and less than 2 hours in the PM. We pay $30/day.

 

[WantToGoNow]

I would be fine doing that. My kids have been staying alone the last two summers. Dd9 comes home to an empty house everyday after school. Once football is over, ds12 will get home before her. Right now she is alone almost 2 hours everyday.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I probably wouldn't until the younger one is closer to 10. I didn't start leaving my oldest at home by himself for a few minutes until he was 10, and now at 11, I'm comfortable leaving him for up to an hour. But I wouldn't leave my 7-yr-old with him. My older would try to boss his little brother, who would get mad and I'd have phone calls and complaints non-stop. If your kids get along well and wouldn't have any issues, I might consider it at 9 and 11.

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

I have just now started leaving my DS12 and DD13 home alone for short periods of time.

If the 10 yr old is mature it might not be an issue. I would have more of an issue with the 8 yr old being left in the care of a 10 yr old for 2 hours.

I think the 8 yr old is too young. IMO the 10 yr old is too young.

But if you HAVE TO DO IT then you have to. If I had a choice I would put them in after school care.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I am not hte oldest of 3, but the only girl. I had much responsibility at a young age (and loved being responsible) BUT, I lost a lot of my childhood watching my little brother.

Just another perspective, is it fair to the oldest to be responsible?

 

[RainK]

SEA33.

This sounds a bit like my neighborhood. We have an older couple across the street who are ALWAYS home and she is always calling me to tell me if she sees something at my house during the day. ( which is never anything of interest). Hahaha. She does a lot of "neighborhood watch" you might say.

So, I always tell the kids if there is am emergency and something happens to me or dad at home to go there.

I know my DD is capable of staying home for an hour. I was just really worried about anything beyond that. She WANTS that responsibility and is begging me to let her prove that she can do it.
Maybe I will try it 1 or 2 days a month just to see.

 

[SEA333]

SEA33.

This sounds a bit like my neighborhood. We have an older couple across the street who are ALWAYS home and she is always calling me to tell me if she sees something at my house during the day. ( which is never anything of interest). Hahaha. She does a lot of "neighborhood watch" you might say.

So, I always tell the kids if there is am emergency and something happens to me or dad at home to go there.

I know my DD is capable of staying home for an hour. I was just really worried about anything beyond that. She WANTS that responsibility and is begging me to let her prove that she can do it.
Maybe I will try it 1 or 2 days a month just to see.

LOL Right??!!

it's funny, because my DS13 wants the kids to stay home with him, too. I did occassionally let them stay home from the sitter with him this summer, and paid him $5.00/day (we wanted to pay him a little bit, but also wanted him to learn that sometimes in families you help out just to help when mom and dad need it, so we didn't pay *too* much) and he kept begging us to let the kids stay home so he could keep earning money! LOL

I do not let him watch them all the time, though, because I want him to have the freedom to come and go. When I first started letting him stay home alone, he had to stay in the house, not answer the door or go to the window, etc, etc, etc. Now that he is a teenager, I do allow him to walk over to friends' houses or have one/two friends at a time into our house (APPROVED friends only LOL) when we are not home. He insists that he doesn't care and would rather earn money, but I was forced to become a mother-figure to my little sisters and brother at about the same age as my son is now (my parents divorced and my mom left us), and I pretty much raised them from the time I was 12 until I left home during college. I do *NOT* want my kids feeling the same way, so I'm pretty careful about how much the older one watches the younger ones, and I also really never left them all home alone together until DD, who is 4 years younger than DS13, was pretty much able to watch herself. She and DS13 fight because she doesn't want him telling her what to do, but DS7 1/2 will do whatever either of his older brother and sister say, so we are good there!

FWIW, too, we have just started letting DD stay by herself in the house for short periods of time while I run the boys to a practice or activity. She is perfectly fine and LOVES having the house to herself. I know that next year when she has to let herself (and little DS, who will be 8 1/2 by then) in, she will be perfectly fine!

Good luck!

 

[Lisaren]

I let my older child stay home alone after school beginning at 10. I did not feel comfortable leaving her with her younger brother at that time (they did not get along at all) so she was home alone. She was also one of those kids that you could rely on to follow the rules set about going outside, having friends over, etc. Not so much about getting homework done, but we just did that when I got home.