Nursing Home search

[Disneycrazymom]

We are currently looking for a place for my sister in law. She is young - late 40's. She has MS and really should no longer be alone in a home. She cannot move herself from the bed to the wheelchair. Cannot take care of her own personal needs. I have been looking in the STL area (we want her nearby) and it is so depressing. She will be at the place a long time. They are just not set up for someone so young. We honestly don't know what to do! Has anyone had to help a family member find the right placement? How did you know it was right? Any and all advise is welcome and appreciated.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

My aunt did this for her niece who also has MS, unfortunately she is on medicaid and they had to look at only the places who accept medicaid. My aunt said she is also in a place that is too far away for her sons to visit very often and like you said, its geared for old people, not young. When I looked at a nursing home for my grandma I made sure it was close to our house so we could visit every day. She got in by alot of prayers because the director told me the place is usually filled but when we applied alot of the old people were dropping like flies due to pneumonia. You should make a couple of visits, different days, different hours etc. I visited my grandma every day and even then I had to have some words about her care. They learned not to fool around with this grand daughter. Some of the worst were her slippers and hand lotion was stolen. I made them reiumburse me, once her linen was left on the floor and I had to walk over it just to sit down, once I found her in her wheelchair facing the wall, she had no strength to rotate the chair herself and she didnt even have slippers on her feet so her bony, socked feet were just touching the cold metal of the chair. Once she was on the bedpan and the aide left for a long time, I took her off myself etc. The aide came back and was so surprised I did that. Yes, she is my grandma and I cared about her. I know a family who even paid someone to go and be with their family member a few days a week etc, as they worked just to make sure that she was o.k. It burned me up when the "concerned" family members showed up at the holidays and believe me, that was the only time they showed up. Look long and hard and ask lots of questions, you will be your relatives best advocate.Best of luck.

 

[Forevryoung]

I have no experience with this at all but would it be worth it to look into group homes as well? I dont know what kind of medical care your SIL needs but it might be a more appropriate placement (age wise).

It might give you another option for the time being.
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Does she need skilled nursing care or could she go to assisted living? They are usually more home like and less expensive. There are different levels of care. Maybe the social worker at the local hospital could help you with a search. Or have you contacted the MS Society? PM me if you want to chat more.

 

[pumba]

usuallyy the assisted living means that they can do some stuff for themselves...my MIL is in one at this time.....Nursing care but not in the elderly part maybe...Also go to one that allows anytime of the day visits.....walk in unannounced......look to see the activity room .....even if she cant do much she can listen and watch .....what do they have for entertainment too......Look at the dining room area.....does she have to eat in her room or have stimulation with other residents by being in a dining area......just look and see if they are happy people there....both in the residents as well as the employees....

 

[LukenDC]

If you or a family member have access to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), you might want to give them a call since elder care referral is a service that they often provide. A co-worker had to place her disabled sister in a home and our EAP was very helpful in providing tips and referrals.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Thank-you everyone. I have not been on line for awhile and am glad for the advise. I looked at a place today. It was pretty nice but still a nursing home. The bright side is it is just down from our parish (where I also work) and only about 10 minutes from our house. I like her being close by. We could stop and get her for church and for the kids games and such. At least then she would get out a couple times per week. She will be medicade after the money from her house is gone (and that won't take too long) We are hopeful that she could maybe get a private room. Her parents (my in laws) could maybe pay the extra for her each month. I think it would help if she had a least a room she could go to away for everything else.

I would love for her to be in assited living but she needs too much care now to do that I think. We have a really nice apartment Anna House near our home but they need to be able to take care of personal things by themselves.

Thanks everyone and any other advise please post!

 

[Micca]

One bit of advice is to find a place that is easy for the most family members to get to. Nobody wants to hang out at a nursing home, and if you remove the objection of distance/traffic, the patient will have more vistors more often. Same goes for facilities at the home: Are there any acitivities visitors can enjoy with the residents? When DM was in a home, they had a large room with a big screen tv and at least we could pass the time watching a bit.
I don't know if there is any way to find a place with a few younger people, but that could make a big difference. Good luck with all of this, it sounds like a challenge.