No sex please - we're daddy's little girls

[iloveboardwalk]

I read somewhere, a long time ago...can't remember where...

Girls involved in sports or other very serious extracurricular activities in which their fathers take a genuine and supportive part are less likely to become sexually active at an early age.

I find this focus on sexuality a little bizarre. The idea that a girl's value (or anyone's value for that matter) should be tied, good or bad, to their sexuality is a strange way to prevent sex at an early age, in my opinion.

For young girls, perhaps more so than boys (sorry for the double standard) a focus on well-roundedness is more important. A lifetime exercise in earning self-respect and self-esteem through goals and achievements not associated with such superficial things I think will do more to prevent sex too early.

This story and practice is so sad, I think it teaches girls that their value is tied to their ******. No sex? You're good. Sex? Your bad. Nothing else matters.

EDITED TO ADD: I had NO idea that the atonomically correct word for a gal's hoo-hoo was a BAD word according to the DIS filters. What an appropriate illustration to the point of my post.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I find this focus on sexuality a little bizarre. The idea that a girl's value (or anyone's value for that matter) should be tied, good or bad, to their sexuality is a strange way to prevent sex at an early age, in my opinion.




EDITED TO ADD: I had NO idea that the atonomically correct word for a gal's hoo-hoo was a BAD word according to the DIS filters. What an appropriate illustration to the point of my post.

for the first part, my opinion on ANYONE who sleeps around is just bad, male or female. i just don't get the whole "well it's different for girls" i just don't. i'm just saying this in general.

the second part.....lol. well, apparently people are offended by female anatomy. gotta love our society.

 

[bicker]

What an appropriate illustration to the point of my post.

That's really a good point. There is a lot of distorted perspectives out there twisting the hearts and minds of our children out of whack. There is no advantage to adding more fuel to that fire. The rest of the developed world looks at this aspect of American society with righteous bewilderment. It has got to be as scary to them, as it is to many of us, to have the self-proclaimed "leaders of the free world" with such backwards perspectives on sexuality -- how that must reflect (in their eyes, at least) on our errors in judgement regarding our efforts to work towards peaceful relations with other nations. :shudder:

 

[iloveboardwalk]

for the first part, my opinion on ANYONE who sleeps around is just bad, male or female. i just don't get the whole "well it's different for girls" i just don't. i'm just saying this in general.

Well, I'm an eeevvviiill agnostic, but I sort of agree. I hope that my children will wait for a long time, well into adulthood, and a committed relationship. There are a lot of health, emotional and life consequences to sex, especially for young, immature teenagers.

the second part.....lol. well, apparently people are offended by female anatomy. gotta love our society.

The V word is banned, but I can call it a "hoo-hoo!!"

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Well, I'm an eeevvviiill agnostic, but I sort of agree. I hope that my children will wait for a long time, well into adulthood, and a committed relationship. There are a lot of health, emotional and life consequences to sex, especially for young, immature teenagers.



The V word is banned, but I can call it a "hoo-hoo!!"

well i'm not religious at all(no, not an athiest or satanist, thank you) so that must make me more evil than you

well, you have to remember, what did you do when you were a kid? you know? kids are gonna do what they want to do. it's just, you have to educate them so they know the consequences before they take action. sometimes those teenagers are more mature than full grown adults i know, and sometimes they're not.

"hoo-hoo" i tried to type a word, i don't know what it was, but it was just a random word once and it wouldn't show up either, just a bunch of the astericks lol.

 

[iloveboardwalk]

well i'm not religious at all(no, not an athiest or satanist, thank you) so that must make me more evil than you

But, I'm also a plastic pool chair hog...and I would totally reuse a refillable mug (if I had one)...plus I sent my son to bed without dinner tonight. I'm not only ON the bus to hell, I'm DRIVING it.

well, you have to remember, what did you do when you were a kid? you know? kids are gonna do what they want to do. it's just, you have to educate them so they know the consequences before they take action. sometimes those teenagers are more mature than full grown adults i know, and sometimes they're not.

My mom was in the medical field...she brought home medical texts (with graphic photos) relating to STDs and pregnancy. I was scared poopless of sex until I was well into college.

"hoo-hoo" i tried to type a word, i don't know what it was, but it was just a random word once and it wouldn't show up either, just a bunch of the astericks lol.

My daugher (5) calls it a "bageena" so maybe I'll just use that from now on.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

But, I'm also a plastic pool chair hog...and I would totally reuse a refillable mug (if I had one)...plus I sent my son to bed without dinner tonight. I'm not only ON the bus to hell, I'm DRIVING it.



My mom was in the medical field...she brought home medical texts (with graphic photos) relating to STDs and pregnancy. I was scared poopless of sex until I was well into college.



My daugher (5) calls it a "bageena" so maybe I'll just use that from now on.

*hops on the hell bus with you*

DH2B's mom did the same with him.....and it didn't stop him from waiting for a while. i mean, he only had a few girlfriends, but it doesn't scare everyone, you know? but at least you were well educated. we need more of that. too many parents are afraid to talk to their kids about sex and just don't bother and then kids have to learn the hard way, and it never turns out well. my parents NEVER gave me "the talk" i had to figure things out on my own. i mean, i waited until i was 18, but i still wish at least my mother would have sat me down and talked to me.

bageena

 

[iloveboardwalk]

*hops on the hell bus with you*

DH2B's mom did the same with him.....and it didn't stop him from waiting for a while. i mean, he only had a few girlfriends, but it doesn't scare everyone, you know? but at least you were well educated. we need more of that. too many parents are afraid to talk to their kids about sex and just don't bother and then kids have to learn the hard way, and it never turns out well. my parents NEVER gave me "the talk" i had to figure things out on my own. i mean, i waited until i was 18, but i still wish at least my mother would have sat me down and talked to me.

bageena

My mom came up in the 60's, she was all about talking to her kids about sex. I knew everything. But you know, knowledge is power so I can't say she did anything wrong. I knew the facts (thanks for the visual aids, ma) but I also knew that I could ask her absolutely anything.

I may send my kids to live with her from the ages of 14-18!

Kidding





kind of.

 

[Poppinsme]

I was responding specifically to a post that suggested we were moving backwards as a society. There are people who believe that the past has some kind of monopoly on decency and morality. The term "good old-fashioned values" suggests to me the belief that the past was a better time; that we are crumbling in a sea of decadence; that unless we step backwards to those purer times we are doomed. HeII in a handbasket!!! Sound familiar? It is the same reactionary jargon used by leaders to put fear in the masses. I am glad our society continues to be progressive, despite the obvious growing pains and serious societal problems. Good values and morals belong to no time or place or people and those who think the past was better probably weren't women, minorities, gay, disabled, chronically ill, or dirt poor.

AMEN GREAT POST!!!!

 

[JoeEpcotRocks]

Certainly you can't deny the parallels, though.

I deny such nonsense comparisons with the Taliban and Hitler. Posters who need to go there for this issue lose all credibility with me.

 

[Maleficent13]

EDITED TO ADD: I had NO idea that the atonomically correct word for a gal's hoo-hoo was a BAD word according to the DIS filters. What an appropriate illustration to the point of my post.

Well, to be fair, ***** is filtered too. So it's any reproductive anatomy, male or female.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I deny such nonsense comparisons with the Taliban and Hitler. Posters who need to go there for this issue lose all credibility with me.

Agreed. As soon as the Hitler, Taliban and Facist comments start, I tune out to whatever else is being said.

The interesting thing to me about this whole debate is that if this had been a coming out party for gay teens, everyone would be looking at it very differently. We would be praising it as offering acceptance and making the kids feel comfortable. I had a friend in college who said he knew in grammar school that he was gay, so what's the big deal about a 9 year old?
While I'm not a fan of the whole thing and I'm really glad it didn't exist when I was young, if these parents feel that it helps their kids feel comfortable with their choices why are we condemning them? Nobody is forcing anyone to do it with their own kids or anything.

It's the same as a lot of other issues: if you don't like gay marriage, don't marry a gay person, if you're against abortion, don't have one, if you think the Purity Ball is creepy-don't do it.

 

[bicker]

I think the difference is that many folks view the so-called "Purity" Balls for 9 year olds as a harmful thing (as almost a form of oppression -- something that will harm the child's efforts to cope with the realities that they'll encounter) while a coming "Out" party for teens is viewed as a helpful thing (as a form of empowerment -- something to help the child cope better with the realities they'll encounter).

The so-called "Purity" Balls seem too heavily-focused on making the adults feel better, and too lightly-focused on helping the child.

 

[cardaway]

So where is the golden zipper ceremony for the boys?

 

[OK!]

Wow....very, very... strange.

 

[Ilovefozzie]

So where is the golden zipper ceremony for the boys?

My DH, though, does admit that there will be a double standard for our kids when they get older. As he puts it with the DS he only has to worry about one *package.* With the DD he will have to worry about all the rest. My Dad had the same viewpoint, sadly enough.

 

[MzDiz]

The interesting thing to me about this whole debate is that if this had been a coming out party for gay teens, everyone would be looking at it very differently. We would be praising it as offering acceptance and making the kids feel comfortable. I had a friend in college who said he knew in grammar school that he was gay, so what's the big deal about a 9 year old?

Because it's a mock marriage ceremony of a 9 year old to her father? Not a ceremony with her whole family, or a pledge she signs while sitting at the dinner table.... it's with her dad.
My daughter belongs to her school's gay/straight alliance club. They have dances and parties and what not. These are 16 year olds though, not 9 year olds. Everyone is welcome to participate - parents, students, gay, straight - everyone. There's the difference.
I see nothing wrong with workshops or clubs or social groups of kids that want to commit to not having sex before marriage, but a child in a white dress having a ring slipped on her finger by her dad? Gross.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I think the difference is that many folks view the so-called "Purity" Balls for 9 year olds as a harmful thing (as almost a form of oppression -- something that will harm the child's efforts to cope with the realities that they'll encounter) while a coming "Out" party for teens is viewed as a helpful thing (as a form of empowerment -- something to help the child cope better with the realities they'll encounter).

The so-called "Purity" Balls seem too heavily-focused on making the adults feel better, and too lightly-focused on helping the child.

I'm sure that if you asked a parent who is involved in this they would view it as helping the girls self esteem. Even Oprah has done shows about how important a girl's relationship with her father is in light of the choices she will make about relationships with boys-and she's hardly a religious radical. I'm sure they view it as helping to give the girls support for the choice NOT to have sex as a teen. From what I see in the reports, they aren't teaching the kids to look down on people who make different choices, they aren't condemning folks who make different choices, they're just doing what they feel is right for their kids.

On the scale of harmful things being done to kids, this rates pretty low-even for those of us who think it's icky.

 

[bicker]

I'm sure that if you asked a parent who is involved in this they would view it as helping the girls self esteem.

That's the problem. All I see is a parent doing something to satisfy themselves, and deluding themselves into thinking that they're doing a good thing, when all that is really needed is to simply sit down with their daughter often enough to keep the lines of communication and respect open.

 

[cardaway]

At nine years old it is doing harm, period.