New Calgary Rules of the Road

[drag n' fly]

1. You must first learn to pronounce the name correctly -- it is:
'CAL-GREE'. The second 'A' is redundant.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening
rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on
Thursday morning and ends on Saturday night.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On
Deerfoot, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes
coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered
'Wussy'.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Calgary now has
its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the
loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the
biggest tires go second. However, Calgary , SUV-driving, cell
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
> cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense
that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Calgary...
Detour barrels are moved around each night to make the next day's
driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
more new construction starts everyday.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded
tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on
any of these items.

9. In Calgary , 16th Avenue, TransCanada, and 'Hwy #1' are all the
same road.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
activated.'

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 kph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
accordingly. If you return the flip, you will be shot.

12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque,
fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food,
candles and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city
streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.

 

[CiaoBelle]

Thank you for the laugh!!

I think that soem of those rules should be applied to other towns.

 

[blizzard]

Yep.

Calgary driving has definitely gotten much worse over the past few years. I saw an interview with the police when they were doing a speeding crack down, and they were saying that with the booming economy that some drivers just consider speeding fines a nuisance rather than a deterrent. They make so much money, that even a several hundred dollar ticket is just the cost of driving.

It's actually funny to drive in other places, where people are still courteous. I keep expecting them to cut me off or weave in and out of traffic, but they don't. It takes a few days to become acclimatized, but then you need to get back into defensive driving mode when you get home.