need to vent/need your opinions about being a bridesmaid

[lindakmonty]

Ok...my son and I are both going to be in the wedding. This is my soon to be step son and his fiance. I didn't know either of them before Mike and I started dating. The MOH has known her all her life, is her boss' wife etc... and she was planning her bridal shower for a date that we were going to be in Florida getting married ourselves... I told the bride I would give her their gift before we left for FL... no biggie right? Now, the MOH changed the date of the shower for the weekend after our return and is emailing me like crazy and wants all of this help all of a sudden??? The date she moved it to is the date I was having a retirement party for MY fiance!!! Now, she's all mad that I told her I would do what I could to help but Mike's party is @ 4 and I might have to leave early. The bridal shower was set for 1pm... she's having a total hissy fit... saying "forget it, I don't need your help anyway... this is what bridesmaids are supposed to do for her..." blah blah blah!!! Is it just me or is this ridiculous??? It's not my fault she can't make up her mind when she wants to have the party... why should I change my plans and the party I've been planning for the past 6 months to make her happy???!!! UHHH! Sorry, I just needed to vent and hear your opinions. Am I being insensitive?
Plus the bride is now telling my fiance, her future FIL... now he needs to wear a tux. He's not even wearing a tux to OUR wedding! He was wearing a nice polo shirt and khakis and he asked her if that was sufficient for her wedding and she said yes... 6 months ago, now she says..."plans changed" he does plan on wearing a suit.... but come on... what do you guys think?

 

[littleladykaty]

It's funny that you posted about this...I was just talking to one of my bridesmaids about my bridal shower and she kept saying that she didn't want to "step on my MOH's toes" (who happens to be my little sister) but she wants to help...and I told her that I'm sure my mom and sister would love help but that she shouldn't feel like she HAS to do anything...my bridesmaids are people that I love. They are my friends and I'm just glad they will be there with me on my wedding day. I've never understood this whole MOH phenomenon of "General" of the wedding party, bossing everyone around and generally being a pain in the rump...I mean it's fine that she asked if you could help, but once you said you'd do what you could but had other plans she should have been able to say "okay I understand and appreciate any help you can give..." Especially since you really only just met the bride...you are not being insensitive at all. The MOH is just being a General pain!!

Now as far as your husband to be wearing a tux in his son's wedding...I'm going to have to side with the bride on that one. I mean she could be nicer in asking certainly, but if she is having a formal wedding your husband will stick out in a not nice way if he's wearing Khakis and a polo shirt...if he refuses to wear a tux then he at the very least needs to be in a nice suit with a tie that matches the grooms party fairly closely. If my dad can wear a tux for a day then anybody's dad can! I asked my future MIL if getting her husband to wear a tux would be difficult and her response was "he won't like it much but we love you and if you want him in a tux then he will be in one". We brides can be funny about everyone matching the vision in our heads and it's only for one day and to start a life with people that are your family with "Yeah and his dad wouldn't even wear a TUX for MY wedding" Not the best way to start with what already sounds like a bit of a fusspot as it is!

 

[lindakmonty]

He doesn't plan on wearing khakis w/a polo... he was just messing w/her...he's wearing the suit he bought for our wedding... they're not having a formal wedding, she just wanted him to wear a tux now b/c her dad is wearing one... which he should since he's walking her down the aisle!! Its just getting crazy...as their wedding date gets closer ... they keep changing things... going a little crazy I guess. I don't mind helping in any way but I didn't think having to leave after 2 hours would be a big deal??

 

[hmgolden]

I have to side with the bride on the tux issue. If for nothing else, if your DH doesn't wear a tux and her father is, it'll look strange in the pictures if the father's don't match. JMO, but that's the reason we had DH's father and brother wear a tux even though neither was really 'involved' in the wedding.

As for the bridal shower - I think the MOH is crazy. I don't think you owe her anything and any help you can give her she should appreciate it. Good luck!

 

[WDWAurora]

Aw, I can't imagine DH's dad not wearing a tux...He looked so nice and they were able to get such cute pictures with DH and the dads that wouldn't have looked good without the tux on both. Also, the dads were in several pictures of "the men" and it would have been odd to have all the tuxes...and THE suit. You know? A sore thumb. I'm pretty sure that if one dad wears one, they both do for most weddings.

The shower issue...I think I would offer to contribute a little money for decorations, make some food, and then maybe get the corsage for the bride or something. Then-I'd forget it! Sounds like she's a pain.

 

[allisonswonderland]

If FOB is wearing a tuz FOG needs one too.

THE MOH sounds like a nightmare.

 

[LouisianaDisneyFan]

I agree that FIL should wear a tux. Just because y'all chose less formal attire for your own wedding doesn't mean that it should hold for all weddings. If one dad is wearing a tux, they both should.

As for the MOH and the shower issue... she is responsible for organizing these things for the bride, and in that, I do not fault her. However, she is also responsible for COORDINATING these things with the bridesmaids. She should be making an active effort to include all of you in the decision making process about dates, any group gift, etc. If she doesn't include you in the planning, she can't expect you to participate later on, after she's already set everything out. That's definitely NOT what her role should be. Sounds like this woman needs a good book on the etiquette involved with being MOH, since she's so big on telling you what bridesmaids SHOULD be doing! I think you should put it to her just like that... if she wants to reschedule and replan it all with the assistance of the bridesmaids, including choosing the date, then you're on board to help. BUT, if she wants the luxury of setting all the plans herself, then she will just have to be happy with what you are able to provide in assistance, which on that particular date is not much. Good luck! ~Ev

 

[lindakmonty]

I didn't even think about pictures!! DUH... you guys are definately right about that!!!

 

[Stacerita]

That MOH is a PITA!

Im the MOH for my best friend and there is only two other bridesmaids. One just moved cross country so she will not be able to help. The other has offered to do anything that I need her to. I am planning the shower and bachelorette, but I know that if I need something done, I can ask the other bridesmaid. And if she can't, then I am responsible for getting it done. Im not the boss. My job is to make sure the bride has what she needs and to help her on "her" day.