GothTink
<font color=purple>Even fairies can be bad...<br><
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2008
- Messages
- 732
My son is a fantastic kid - has a scary high IQ, and is normally very, very respectful of rules and authority. He doesn't just behave - he insists that his friends behave as well. It's a blessing! He's always been this way, and though he's shown his teenage side before, something happened yesterday that really threw me and I need to get it off my chest.
See, lately he's been hanging out with this new friend (a girl, but he doesn't like her for a girlfriend, as he has his eye on someone else) named Emily. My son is a freshman. Emily is a junior. Emily invited him to join the after school Anime Club at the high school, and DS joined, as he's really into anime.
About a month ago, Emily wanted DS to meet her at the mall. We said it was no problem and dropped him off, but after we grabbed lunch elsewhere, I remembered some stuff at the mall I needed to pick up. Completely by chance, I ran into he and Emily in the Spirit halloween store. DS was happy to see me (we get along fabulously), and promptly introduced me to Emily, who muttered and wandered off. Now, that struck me as odd, because all of DS's other friends like me - I'm not a typical mom in the least, so we usually get along just fine and they're generally happy to meet me. And she didn't seem shy. She seemed...like she had something to hide. I can't really explain it. The moment I stepped away from DS, Emily was right back beside him, tugging him out of the store. Okay. Whatever. Must be a teenage thing. I get it.
Then last weekend, DH took DS to Homecoming to drop him off. DH got out to snap pics of DS with all his friends (who are mostly girls, all their parents were there too). But he noticed a girl hiding behind a pole, looking at DS. So he asked DS if he knew the girl - you guessed it, Emily. DS introduced her to DH and she muttered and walked away. DH came home and told me, "It was weird...she didn't seem shy. It was almost like she had something to hide." That weirded me out, because I never mentioned my thought to him about Emily in the halloween store.
Emily calls all the time - no biggie. Friends do that. Particularly girls.
But, back to Anime Club: all the after school clubs are required to have a teacher sponsor there with them after school, and once the meetings are over, the kids take the activities busses home, which is really great. He gets to be in clubs (which look great on the college app and keep him social - my son is an Aspie, so that's an issue with him) and we can save on gas. Yesterday, DS mentioned that the teacher sponsor had a meeting so their club was cut even shorter than it usually is. I asked how long it usually is and he said a half hour. It didn't take me long to do the math and realize that a group of teens had an hour without supervision EVERY WEEK.
I asked what they do during that hour, he says they hang out in the Commons (an open area at the school).
First, it blows me away that the school would let a group of unsupervised teens just hang out every week, especially since it's in their rules that it's not allowed. Second, when I confronted DS about it, he spoke of authority in a way that he never has before - it didn't sound like him at all, and I suspect that it's this Emily girl who's influencing him (she's also been hospitalized twice since the school year began for "depression"). We don't choose DS's friends, but I have a bad feeling about this girl. Not to mention that when he'd asked if he could join after school clubs (he's also in GSA and was considering Robotics, but dropped it for Anime), we explained that he could "as long as there will be teacher supervision there", because trouble has a way of finding teens when they're left on their own.
DH and I explained to DS that he needs to speak to the teacher supervisor and either arrange the club around the tecaher's schedule so that the teacher can be present each meeting, or he will have to quit.
It's just a very stressful time for us, as he seems to be stretching himself in ways he never has before...and I just want him to be safe.
See, lately he's been hanging out with this new friend (a girl, but he doesn't like her for a girlfriend, as he has his eye on someone else) named Emily. My son is a freshman. Emily is a junior. Emily invited him to join the after school Anime Club at the high school, and DS joined, as he's really into anime.
About a month ago, Emily wanted DS to meet her at the mall. We said it was no problem and dropped him off, but after we grabbed lunch elsewhere, I remembered some stuff at the mall I needed to pick up. Completely by chance, I ran into he and Emily in the Spirit halloween store. DS was happy to see me (we get along fabulously), and promptly introduced me to Emily, who muttered and wandered off. Now, that struck me as odd, because all of DS's other friends like me - I'm not a typical mom in the least, so we usually get along just fine and they're generally happy to meet me. And she didn't seem shy. She seemed...like she had something to hide. I can't really explain it. The moment I stepped away from DS, Emily was right back beside him, tugging him out of the store. Okay. Whatever. Must be a teenage thing. I get it.
Then last weekend, DH took DS to Homecoming to drop him off. DH got out to snap pics of DS with all his friends (who are mostly girls, all their parents were there too). But he noticed a girl hiding behind a pole, looking at DS. So he asked DS if he knew the girl - you guessed it, Emily. DS introduced her to DH and she muttered and walked away. DH came home and told me, "It was weird...she didn't seem shy. It was almost like she had something to hide." That weirded me out, because I never mentioned my thought to him about Emily in the halloween store.
Emily calls all the time - no biggie. Friends do that. Particularly girls.
But, back to Anime Club: all the after school clubs are required to have a teacher sponsor there with them after school, and once the meetings are over, the kids take the activities busses home, which is really great. He gets to be in clubs (which look great on the college app and keep him social - my son is an Aspie, so that's an issue with him) and we can save on gas. Yesterday, DS mentioned that the teacher sponsor had a meeting so their club was cut even shorter than it usually is. I asked how long it usually is and he said a half hour. It didn't take me long to do the math and realize that a group of teens had an hour without supervision EVERY WEEK.
I asked what they do during that hour, he says they hang out in the Commons (an open area at the school).First, it blows me away that the school would let a group of unsupervised teens just hang out every week, especially since it's in their rules that it's not allowed. Second, when I confronted DS about it, he spoke of authority in a way that he never has before - it didn't sound like him at all, and I suspect that it's this Emily girl who's influencing him (she's also been hospitalized twice since the school year began for "depression"). We don't choose DS's friends, but I have a bad feeling about this girl. Not to mention that when he'd asked if he could join after school clubs (he's also in GSA and was considering Robotics, but dropped it for Anime), we explained that he could "as long as there will be teacher supervision there", because trouble has a way of finding teens when they're left on their own.
DH and I explained to DS that he needs to speak to the teacher supervisor and either arrange the club around the tecaher's schedule so that the teacher can be present each meeting, or he will have to quit.
It's just a very stressful time for us, as he seems to be stretching himself in ways he never has before...and I just want him to be safe.
) . I totally understand the challenges of Aspihood. It sounds like your son has a pretty solid foundation. You seem to know that he is a rule follower and that he expects others to do the same. Unless you have a reason to believe that he is deviating from this personality I wouldn't worry too much. It sounds like his response when being questioned about being unsupervised was a very typical teen answer. AND if this is something that was done in the past and he knows it (the teacher leaving and the students hanging out for an hour until the bus comes) there is a precedent set for it therefore in his mind this is not "wrong" so I am sure your questioning about it caused him to think that your disapproval was directed at him rather than the teacher. I don't think you were wrong to ask him about it but I am not surprised at his response. I am admitedly over protective but I wouldn't be too worried about the hour of hanging out at the school. As you said, he has been to the mall unsupervised so I would say that he is going to be fine at the school for an hour. I am sure there are some teachers in the building during that time and since it seems he makes good decisions I would not worry about this. I see about the gang issue you are concerned about... call the school and talk to the pricipal and find out who is in the building during that time and who these kids can expect to go to should they need an adult, but again I am sure they are not all alone at the school at the very least there will be custodians but I do know that teachers often do not leave right after school ends so I would be totally shocked if there were no teachers or coaches there while these kids are waiting and hanging out. If the school had concerns about it they would not be able to do this I am thinking that for the most part this is probably a group of good kids. 
). It was good to get it all out, and I'm calling the school in the morning, just to express my concerns about the gang troubles (and also to ask why, if it is a school rule that kids cannot hang out in the commons after school, why no one is doing anything about it...or if they're even aware). I'm by no means a helicopter parent. It's just been a stressful day.
for the info!
