need some help with my dd and teasing

[Wishing on a star]

The behaviors you just described with this boy are definitely harassment and teasing (aka: bullying)... no question about it.. not even borderline...

1. If you want your daughter to attend church, I believe that this is one place where you should be a able to just step forward and insist that this stops, completely, immediately...

2. It does sound like your daughter is having some problems... I thought that most decent insurance handled this kind of psych issues. Ours does... It is actually a sub-policy, with a different undewriter, that is included with our main (major carrier) health insurance policy.

Also, if nothing else, you need to look at free resources thru the the church organization, the schools, your State/County children's services, etc... I agree with the prev. poster that no child with this kind of anxiety should go without some kind of counseling/treatment.

I am SOOOO sorry that this is going on!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just want to add that since your dd has anxiety issues you must step in ALL THE TIME. She is not able to handle these situations until you get her help.

 

[indimom]

I still think you need to speak with the boy's parent; but if your daughter is showing signs of anxiety on a regular basis, you need to get her some help.
I totally get the insurance situation. Is it possible for you to pay out of pocket for just a few visits to a therapist to get tips and information that would help you work with your daughter on your own??
I don't know of any good books for this issue, but I'm sure they are available. Maybe your pediatrician or a therapist could recommend a couple. We had some concerns about our daughter (different issues, but still troubling) during her earlier years and considered therapy once or twice. We were directed to two terrific books that we read and used to help her. It really did wonders just being able to understand what her issues were and how "she felt." Sometimes its hard to understand and deal with children's emotions as an adult, we look at things so differently.
Hope this helps and things improve for your daughter.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I just want to add that since your dd has anxiety issues you must step in ALL THE TIME. She is not able to handle these situations until you get her help.

Agreed, but when stepping in remember that much of the behavior that causes her issues is probably "normal" teasing for that age. So, even though the child with anxiety needs some sheltering, you have to be careful not to be too judgemental of the behaviors that create her anxiety. Step in, but lightly.

So sad that this happens at church. School must be a real bear.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

ITA with other posters who have said that this type of behavior needs to stop. NOW! Especially at church.

Yes, you DD may have anxiety issues otherwise, but how is one supposed to learn about their faith when they are scared to walk in the door?

The boy's behavior is 100% unacceptable. Sure, you can stop him when you are in the class, but what about the other 3 weeks of the month? The other volunteers should be able to pick up on the torment and it should have been stopped. Heck, if I took on a class and witnessed this type of a behavior on more than one occasion, I would notify the minister/pastor/reverend/priest immediately and speak to the child's parent/grandparent guardian.

I'm all for a little teasing, but only when it's in fun. When it becomes mean-spirited and hurtful, there's a lot more going on and needs redirected.

 

[castleview]

Flame at me if you must, but this can all be ended with a swift kick to the boy's mid section.

 

[Agri]

If she likes the church, stay and try to work things out. If not, try another one.

I really don't understand why people expect churches to be free of things like bullying. Churches are a hotbed for gossip and social competitions. In that sort of situation, bullying is going to happen - to children and adults. Yes, places of worship should be about everyone coming together to celebrate their beliefs, but they are not. Only place I *expect* to be "safe" from bullying is in my own house.

Your daughter is going to continue being the brunt of bullies until she gets professional help and learns how to deal with the "bad people" of the world. Bullies put out their feelers and hone in on the person who elicits the response they are looking for. This is why lots of people talk about how they were repeatedly victims of bullies - they respond in a way that is a positive reaction for bullying. This is not to blame the victim, more to explain why bullies, well, bully people.

Along with all the bully-hating, the important thing to remember that kids who are bullies have generally learned it from someone else or are abused and acting out because of it. As nice as it is to say "kick him in the midsection" for all we know, the kid could get whipped daily and his way of dealing with it is to lash out and bully someone else - controlling his life through controlling someone else.

Your daughter definitely needs help, but trying to fix the situation completely by yourself won't help her develop the skills she needs to handle it on her own. Keep her involved - ask her if she wants you to talk to the parents, ask her if she wants to keep going to Sunday School, etc. Get her books about dealing with bullies and make sure she understands the psychology of bullying, too - make sure she doesn't view them as just mean people. When you understand people, you can deal with them much better.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Flame at me if you must, but this can all be ended with a swift kick to the boy's mid section.

No flames here!!!

Too bad that this boys parents/grandparents are, obviously, not going to do this... Doesn't look like the girl is going to stand up for herself and do it...

I continue to think that, in this situation, the OP needs to, from behind the scenes, step in... let the PTB at church know what she has witnessed and what her DD is also telling her, and insist that it stop immediately.

 

[disfan07]

I agree with the PP who said that a therapist will see her but you may just have to pay OOP.

We had to do that with our old insurance. all 4 of us had a therapist. Kicker was...all 4 of us had a DIFFERENT therapist (none of us liked the same one). I was seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression. I still have a therapist but I only see them on an as needed basis.

Luckily. Our new insurance has mental health coverage so we just pay copays, etc. But this is not something you mess with. You need to get her into therapy ASAP. Many therapists will work with you on a payment schedule or sliding scale. If you have a childrens hospital nearby, that would be a great place to try and find a therapist but you cant leave this alone. That show we got my therapist. She works with the hospital where I am a patient. If she is having that much anxiety and her doctor reccomended that she should see someone, she really should.

Also, did you check you insurance benefits sheet to really look to see what they do and do not cover? We have been told before that our insurance will not cover something when in fact they really will it just unfortuantely takes some investiagting on our part.

 

["Got Disney"]

I just want to add that since your dd has anxiety issues you must step in ALL THE TIME. She is not able to handle these situations until you get her help.

I agree and not just that but she will still feel anxious even when no one is teasing her....my son had anxiety but was do to his OCD....it was soooooo hard to start him on meds and putting that first pill in his mouth was the hardest things I ever had to do ...but for him it turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done for him.

He went to therapy and took meds...not only did his OCD get better but after 2 months his anxiety was gone. And so was mine.

There has to be somewhere you can go....
your insurance should have some kind of coverage with a referral....if not you may have to pay out of pocket to at least get her on meds....that is usually a once a month visit. Than you can find a psychologist or councilor that is cheaper to help you with at least 2 visits a month.

We did not have the money but we cut back and made the money....we saw the psychiatrist once a month to get the meds....and once a week for the councilor.....it was the best money we have ever spent and went without....after 6 months we cut back to twice a month. By the way the psychiatrist was covered but not the counselor.

He is 17 now and no anxiety what so ever....he was also 8 when we started all this....after a year he was a new kid, got off the meds and stopped seeing the Doctors....

good luck and my heart goes out to you....I know how it feels to have a child who suffers from anxiety.....by the way my son also has Tourettes and that is what spiked the OCD and Anxiety...he is an Honors student in AP classes and all "A".s He is hoping to get into Stanford or Berkely....yup....best thing we ever did

 

[Minnie]

The boy calls her names, throws her coat in the bushes, makes fun of the way she talks, and makes fun of her clothes.

He also keeps saying she is not the smartest one in the class. I think that is the issue. My dd is advanced when it comes to book learning, but not when it comes to other forms of learning.

The teachers love my dd and always tell me how they can count on her to have the answers.

In church - seriously???????????

Church is optional - in this case I would opt out and find a different church - I wouldn't put her through this when she is already worried about school - no way no how!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

[QUOTE="Got Disney";39168920]I agree and not just that but she will still feel anxious even when no one is teasing her....my son had anxiety but was do to his OCD....it was soooooo hard to start him on meds and putting that first pill in his mouth was the hardest things I ever had to do ...but for him it turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done for him.

He went to therapy and took meds...not only did his OCD get better but after 2 months his anxiety was gone. And so was mine.

There has to be somewhere you can go....
your insurance should have some kind of coverage with a referral....if not you may have to pay out of pocket to at least get her on meds....that is usually a once a month visit. Than you can find a psychologist or councilor that is cheaper to help you with at least 2 visits a month.

We did not have the money but we cut back and made the money....we saw the psychiatrist once a month to get the meds....and once a week for the councilor.....it was the best money we have ever spent and went without....after 6 months we cut back to twice a month. By the way the psychiatrist was covered but not the counselor.

He is 17 now and no anxiety what so ever....he was also 8 when we started all this....after a year he was a new kid, got off the meds and stopped seeing the Doctors....

good luck and my heart goes out to you....I know how it feels to have a child who suffers from anxiety.....by the way my son also has Tourettes and that is what spiked the OCD and Anxiety...he is an Honors student in AP classes and all "A".s He is hoping to get into Stanford or Berkely....yup....best thing we ever did [/QUOTE]

How nice for your son. My dd is also the perfectionist A student of course.

My 14yodd is for the most part 100% better however sometimes life happens and you hit that spot that makes the perfect storm.

That was yesterday morning and so she had a panic attack. She really felt like she was a failure for having a panic attack because she REALLY thought she had kicked her anxiety.

Anyway, I was able to go to the school counselor, tell them she had a panic attack and therefore she has support there.

It is key to use resources available to you to help your kids, but you have to make it happen. Stand up for your child.