Need Some Disney Bride Help!!!

[Sleeping_Princess]

Good Evening ladies -- I had got some sad news this weekend that I have been struggling with and not sure where to turn -- so I thought I would ask the guru's of the Disney Boards.. (P.S. Wedding is Dec. 6th 2008)

Here is the problem: How do you ask a bridesmaid to back out??

Let me set the story!

My best friend from high school and I went out to lunch on Saturday and I had asked her to be my bridesmaid back in Dec. when my DF proposed -- I always knew that I wanted her to be one -- since we have been friends since high school and always close.. well on saturday -- she tells me that she can not come to my engagement party (End of May) because she is going to another wedding and she can not come to the weekend of my bachelorette, bridal tea, and rehearsal dinner (Nov. 29th and 30th) (Understand it is Thanksgiving Weekend -- but it is not Thanksgiving) -- she will be in north carolina cause she goes every year!! And after telling me all this she goes into what I feel was a guilt trip about being engaged -- because everyone around her is getting married and she is 25 and she is ready but her BF (22) is not and -- they have talked about it and he isnt ready and she doesn't know what to do! Which I feel bad for her -- but am I supposed to feel bad for getting engaged --- was I supposed to say NO! -- and stay single with her!

I want a bridesmaid who is going to be excitied for me and my plans and would be excitited to attend to my events -- especially since I am planning them so far in advance giving people time to plan for things off and a wedding doesn't happen every year!!

Thanks for letting me vent --- any suggestions would be greatly appricated. I have 2 other bridesmaid (my sister, and another good friend who emails me on a weekly basis to ask about how wedding planning is going. I do also have two other girls who I would like to have but my DF and I agreed on three and my "best friend" was my top choice) so if my wedding comes at a bad time for her I do have other options to put in her place!

Thanks so much and have a wonderful week!

 

[IndyBride]

First of all I'm very sorry that someone you thought would be a part of your day won't be. As far as talking to her play the "busy" card. Obviously you are very busy and this is a commitment that perhaps is more than you realized. I had a friend who didn't ask me to step down as a bridesmaid just stopped talking to me and sent an invitation to be a guest. Needless to say she handled it very poorly. She sent an e-mail out to a couple other girls as well asking if we still wanted to be in the wedding. Very touchy but leaning the conversation toward her and her schedule and her availability will make it a little easier I hope. Good luck!

 

[dakcp2001]

Honestly, there is no easy way to do it. Do you plan to continue a friendship with her? I dont think that will be possible if you kick her out of the wedding. Has she bought the dress yet? I think you need to have a converstaion with her, and be honest.Tell her your concerns they are legit. Ask her if she wants to be a bridesmaid, and try to give her an out, if she chooses to take it. Like maybe apologize for the time commitment and tll her youll understand if she doesnt wnt to still do it. You might find that she really does want to be there for you, and that she was just having a bad day or something. Being a bridesmaid is not an easy task, its a huge time and financial commitment, so you really need someone who wants to be there.

You deserve people who support you, people who want to be there, and people who feel honored to be there with you. If she doesnt fit the bill, you have two choices, boot her and take the chance she might hate you, or suck it up and delegate to the good bridesmaids to keep her in line.

 

[Beep]

Hi, what a shame. I really feel for you as I was in exactly the same situation when i got married in 1992.

My best friend was my MOH and all I got was negativity and snide comments. She was resentful (I think) because her marriage wasn't going to well and I got the brunt of it. She wasn't really interested, or excited with me over anything and made the whole experience a very poor one.

I asked a couple of times if she still wanted to be my MOH to which she answered yes but didn't show it.

In the end, I sat and really thought about what would happen if I told her i didn't want her to be my MOH. I reckoned she would fall out with me and either not talk to me again or realise she was at fault.

If she realised she was at fault and changed then great. If she didn't and fell out with me, I knew that she had actually hurt me enough and made me feel bad enough that I would be ok with it.

We haven't spoken after I told her I didn't want her to be my MOH and I can honestly say that I have not missed her. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, or the biggest day of your life then I think they shouldn't be around you.

It was a difficult decision for me, as I 'm sure it will be for you, but I definitely made the right one.

I wish you all the best

 

[Lynn5700]

Aww I'm sorry.I think you should really talk to her and tell her how you truly feel.Find out if she really wan't to be in the wedding at all. I would talk before you make a change just to be safe.

 

[DaPookie]

Oh my gosh! I'm sorry!! I agree with Lynn5700 though. Maybe she's sending up signs that she wanted to back out, but didn't know how to tell you? I'd definitely talk first to see what's going on.

Good luck!!

 

[newyearsbride]

I'm really sorry! Unasking a BM is a huge no no in the bride's book of etiquette, unless very extinuating circumstances. I'm not one to stick with the rules, but beaware that if you are going to unask her, there is a very good chance you are ending your friendship. I would sit her down and be honest with her, tell her how you feel, and ask if she really wants the commitment of being in your wedding. If not... you give her an out, if she does, lay down the law, in a matter of speaking. Tell her you love her, but you can't appologize for being engaged. Hope this helps.