need some conversation starter ideas (with women at a shelter)

[laurajetter]

The local moms' group I'm in is volunteering at a women/children's shelter this coming Friday. Half of us are going to do games and crafts with the kids in one room while the other half help the moms wrap gifts they picked out for their kids so they will have something to open Christmas morning and also just chat with them while doing so.

Last year I helped in the kids' room, this year I decided to help the moms. Only thing is I'm kind of a shy person and it's hard for me to start conversations with people so I'm a little nervous about doing this. Once someone says something that I can relate to in any way I can talk a lot more easily but if the person I'm with is shy as well or doesn't talk very much then there always seems to be those awkward silences.

The thing I'm most worried about is that because these are women who come from very difficult situations, I'm afraid that if I do think of something to say that it will somehow be inappropriate for their cirmcumstances. I always have a way of putting my foot in my mouth! So for those of you who conversation comes easily to, do you have any advice for topics of conversation with these ladies? I just don't want to end up mentioning things that to most people would be normal but to these ladies might bring up sad feelings (i.e. Q: Do you have family in the area? A: Yes but we don't get along and they don't want to see us / Q: Are you ready for the holidays? A: No, I don't even have enough money to live on my own let alone get ready for the holidays...etc.)

Any suggestions are appreciated! The main point of us doing this is to bring a little Christmas cheer to these moms and kids and create an environment where they can kick back and just forget about their difficult circumstances for a little while so I don't want to want to mess that up!

TIA

 

[worm761]

Ask about their children. Not matter what a persons situation, they always love to talk about their kids.

 

[eliza61]

Ask about their children. Not matter what a persons situation, they always love to talk about their kids.

Bingo. I help run my church's food bank. Along with giving out food donations we serve dinners. People for the most part are people. Some times even if the stories are sad, you are serving a tremendous need because a lot of times people really just want to be listened too.

The holidays are brutal for people struggling. So even if they do talk to me about how hard things are doing some times simply just listening and holding their hands really makes a difference.

Thank you for volunteering!! that is a generous gift.

 

[Traveliz]

Ask about their children. Not matter what a persons situation, they always love to talk about their kids.

I agree and then if they seem to want to talk about more personal matters listen with an empathetic ear, no judging.

Liz

 

[Carnie]

Just listen.

Let them guide the conversation.

There is nothing "wrong" with these women, just dealing with some horrible circumstances. You will find you have much more in common with them than you ever thought possible.

 

[laurajetter]

The holidays are brutal for people struggling. So even if they do talk to me about how hard things are doing some times simply just listening and holding their hands really makes a difference.

And that's fine with me, it's just getting to the point of them opening up about that is what I'm worried will be awkward so I'm trying to think of a couple ice breakers to get the conversation flowing. I have a feeling once we are there for a while everything will get moving; it's just that weird time near the beginning, you know?

 

[mickeymedic]

Since you will be wrapping presents for their kids, asking about their kids should be a pretty easy conversation starter. I'm sure you'll do fine. Thanks for taking the time to volunteer!

 

[Liberty Belle]

The local moms' group I'm in is volunteering at a women/children's shelter this coming Friday. Half of us are going to do games and crafts with the kids in one room while the other half help the moms wrap gifts they picked out for their kids so they will have something to open Christmas morning and also just chat with them while doing so.

Last year I helped in the kids' room, this year I decided to help the moms. Only thing is I'm kind of a shy person and it's hard for me to start conversations with people so I'm a little nervous about doing this. Once someone says something that I can relate to in any way I can talk a lot more easily but if the person I'm with is shy as well or doesn't talk very much then there always seems to be those awkward silences.

The thing I'm most worried about is that because these are women who come from very difficult situations, I'm afraid that if I do think of something to say that it will somehow be inappropriate for their cirmcumstances. I always have a way of putting my foot in my mouth! So for those of you who conversation comes easily to, do you have any advice for topics of conversation with these ladies? I just don't want to end up mentioning things that to most people would be normal but to these ladies might bring up sad feelings (i.e. Q: Do you have family in the area? A: Yes but we don't get along and they don't want to see us / Q: Are you ready for the holidays? A: No, I don't even have enough money to live on my own let alone get ready for the holidays...etc.)

Any suggestions are appreciated! The main point of us doing this is to bring a little Christmas cheer to these moms and kids and create an environment where they can kick back and just forget about their difficult circumstances for a little while so I don't want to want to mess that up!

TIA

Kids. Everybody likes to talk about their kids. Also, you can talk about Christmases from your and their childhood. What toys were their favorites when they were little. Was there something they always ate at Christmas.

It sounds like such a fun thing you're doing! I wish I could do that!

 

[Angelhalo]

Ask about their children. Not matter what a persons situation, they always love to talk about their kids.

That's EXACTLY what I was going to say!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I agree with kids. People also like to discuss pets, hobbies, where they grew up, family, friends, work, etc. Don't make the mistake of trying to be too chatty or forcing the conversation if someone doesn't really care to talk (you'll know; and be aware there may be mental illness or substance abuse, etc). If there are moments of silence otherwise, it's ok. You'll be working anyway. Let them lead and try to just keep it "natural". As a nurse, I take care of all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. I meet new people every day. Most enjoy talking, but some do not. Just try to be natural. It is good work you are doing.

 

[NewCrew42]

What 's your favorite Christmas song, christmas memory, toy that you got as a child, Christmas movie,Christmas food, etc...

 

[laurajetter]

These are all great suggestions, thank you!

 

[lovemygoofy]

These are all great suggestions, thank you!

I have to make small talk everyday with people who have had suffered a loss.

People can tell if you are being genuine and stumbling or just being a glossy magazine.

Those who want to talk will talk. It can be about the cold, the hot, the cookies, noise, how to wrap a present or it simply can be about nothing. Some people especially in that situation need some normal talk. I understand about being nervous but think about them being just as nervous as you are.

I always think about putting those people at ease instead of me trying to get comfortable and that helps me make conversation.

 

[FINFAN]

Oprah...EVERYONE knows her