Need Some Advice

[Chris728]

I have a 20-year old son who I just recently learned is gay...I've always had an inkling, but it is now confirmed. He himself though has not told us.

I would like to know if we should approach him, and talk to him and let him know that we love and support him. We accept him for who he is. He is a quiet kid so telling us may be hard so I thought maybe if we approached him to let him know we're ok with it...he would be comfortable in bringing more friends around.

Thanks for any help here...we just want him to know we are there for him.

 

[rosiep]

Yes, please do. If you don't think he's ready to come out to you you can make sure to show a positive outlook towards homosexuality. You can use a media event, a newspaper headline or a politicians stance to promote a dialogue.

My daughter knew from our previous conversations throughout her life that I was an ally. When she announced she was gay not even a ripple was felt in our house.

Your son is lucky to have you as a parent. Your acceptance will go a long way in helping him accept himself.

Thanks for coming here for advice. PFLAG is also a great organization if you need support.

Best of luck
Rosie

 

[bubie2.5]

Tell him what you just wrote on your last paragraph, and tell him why you’re saying that to him. It will make things A LOT easier for him. He probably wants you to know, but is too afraid to tell you.

 

[ConcKahuna]

Go watch some classics like "To Wong Foo," "Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert," and "The Birdcage." Let him walk in with you watching them

"Trick" is a cute movie too, but I despise Tori SPelling.

 

[I<3EvilQueen]

"Trick" is a cute movie too, but I despise Tori SPelling.

Yes but the scene at the diner with her is the BEST

 

[OrlandoMike]

You must be a great parent to come over here to ask this!

Let us know how it goes, I wouldn't be surprised to hear if he starts talking more. He may open up a little more once he realizes you know and dont mind talking about it.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

You are a wonderful person.

Yes, let him know that you love him, and you are blessed that he is your son. Make sure he understands that you completely accept him.

I like the idea of the films too. Nothing like a great movie (for four) to use for an ice breaker!

 

[npmommie]

I agree with what everyone has said. He is lucky to have you for a parent!

 

[tiggr33]

I agree with everyone here. Yes, come up with a way to let him know how you feel. It will take such a weight off his shoulders.

But on the flip side, and I will play devil's advocate for a minute. Is the source that told you 100% sure and reliable?

Either way, he is very lucky to have such an accepting and supportive parent.

Another idea, maybe with all the coverage of the elections you might be able to bring in a conversation (just a suggestion, I have no idea what your political views are) about you like/dislike so and so's stands on gay rights issues.

Personally, I am a writer, that is my most effective method of communication. Maybe stop at the card store and pick up a nice card and write him a loving note that you love him and always will. Tell him you have something you want to talk to him about and don't know how exactly. Tell him you have a suspicion he is gay, and if he is that you fully accept and support him. Tell him if he's not, or he is unsure who he is, you still love and accept him. Tell him you are there for him regardless.

Even after telling him you are accepting, just know that he may not be ready to come out. But by being accepting and telling him that, it will make it easier for him when he does come out.

Do keep us updated. And if your not aware of it, Pflag may have some info on their website that may be of interest/help to you. http://www.pflag.org/

 

[Chris728]

Thanks everyone for your kinds words...and support! Hearing your thoughts helps to make this a little easier for me and his dad. We've decided that we will definitely talk with him this weekend. We just want him to know we are there for him no matter what.

I will definitely let you know how it goes. Thanks again...and I will definitely check out PFLAG.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Good Luck!


You may want to make a nice dinner!

It's always nice to have some comfort food after these kinds of conversations.

 

[RickinNYC]

I think, for those of us that had a difficult time with parents, would have LOVED to have had them come to us. Be aware that it likely will freak him out a little, but I think just temporily.

How about make it out that YOU are coming out to HIM in that you know and love him and accept him no matter what? He'd have a great reverse coming out story to tell his friends when he gets older

 

[padalyn]

My mother had an unusual reaction when I told her...but what I realized was that she still cared about me and just wanted me to be happy.

I am sure that you want your son happy and content, accepting him, no matter what his choices are is the most important thing you can tell him. Once he knows he has support and love at home - everything else becomes much more managable!

Please keep us posted

 

[PghLybrt]

I think, for those of us that had a difficult time with parents, would have LOVED to have had them come to us. Be aware that it likely will freak him out a little, but I think just temporily.

I agree. My mom actually came to me and spoke to me about it. This was like ...um.......2 months ago!! I know I know, I have been with my girlfriend for 13 years it is totally out in the open. However I was never ready to bring up the subject ( I come from a very waspy family, I mean My mom got remarried and told me 6 months later!) anyway I am glad she did, I feel like its now easier between the 2 of us. Now maybe in another 30 years I will tell dad........

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

I have a 20-year old son who I just recently learned is gay...I've always had an inkling, but it is now confirmed. He himself though has not told us.

I would like to know if we should approach him, and talk to him and let him know that we love and support him. We accept him for who he is. He is a quiet kid so telling us may be hard so I thought maybe if we approached him to let him know we're ok with it...he would be comfortable in bringing more friends around.

Thanks for any help here...we just want him to know we are there for him.

Thank you for the OP and the responses too. My adult DD has not told me that she has a same sex partner (sibs did) but they are moving in together so on my next visit in to town this very topic will come up! (The last time I was in town a few months ago she was living w/ a bf.)

She knows I love and support her no matter what, and honestly I can't wait to see both my DD and her new partner.

I've been educated and also comforted by the topics on this board, as I want her to feel comfortable when we discuss this. Thanks for this community everyone.

 

[Chris728]

Well, today is the day we're going to talk with our son...I'm making a nice dinner as someone had suggested, and even made dessert for the occasion...I want this to be a celebration!

I'm a little nervous about the whole thing, but definitely feel a lot better after all the support from everyone here. You have no idea how you have helped.

And, of course, will let you know how it goes. Thanks again for everyone's support!

 

[OrlandoMike]

I'm sure everything will be fine..

But Good Luck!

 

[rosiep]

You're family will be in my thoughts all day!

 

[ConcKahuna]

Waiting patiently for an after-dessert update

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I hope all went well and that your son understands that you love him. I also hope he understands what wonderful parents he has!

All the best to you.