Need Help!

[3js13]

I need help trying to figure out what to put into my dsd's Easter basket. See she is only really here maybe once a month. We have only seen her once in the past 2 months for a day b/c she doesn't want to come over. ( long story) Anyway I don't know what to do. She should be coming over Easter night ( if she doesn't change her mind). I want to do a little basket and not spend to much seeing how she is rarely here it would be a waste to spend to much. Any help would be greatly apperciated. Thanks!

 

[brymolmom]

Wow - I hope your long story is a good one...because hearing 'if she doesn't change her mind' - is interesting...in many cases, depending on age, I'm not sure that it's usually a choice.

Well, how old is she? Some thoughts might be: makeup, books, ipod holder, gift certificates to Starbucks or a clothes store, socks (no matter what age - cute socks would likely work), new toothbrush.

AND...if she doesn't end up coming over....save it all to use for the stocking at Christmas.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I would pick up what you would normally get for her (I like brymolmom's suggestions). Just like you would for your kids. If she doesn't come, mail it. That way it wouldn't be wasted and she will still know that she is special, a part of the family and loved.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

How old is your dsd?

 

[3js13]

She is 10. The deal was a long time ago that what she gets here stays here and the same w/ her mom's house. Her mom's idea seeing how everything she gets there is really expensive and she doesn't want it lost here ( aka her coach purse REAL.) That's what makes it hard to shop for her. Plus my dsd thinks that everything we do is not good enough. She told my husband at the age of 7 that she tells everyone that her sf is her dad. And that she was a shamed that my dh was her father. She doesn't come over anymore b/c we don't let her get whatever she wants and that she can't get away w/ what she wants. My Dh has very traditional values when it comes to certain things. Like having a cell phone. Her mom got her one when she entered the first grade, but she is not allowed to bring it here b/c dh thinks that she shouldn't be anywhere that doesn't have an adult. And almost all adults have cell phones. Anyway so every other weekend she ends up calling and asking to stay at her mother's house. We have already stop the weeknight visits and the 4 weeks during the summer. Last summer she didn't even last 2 days here.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I think it is crazy to try and compete with Coach purses and cell phones when your dsd is only 10! Wow...my kids would be jealous! The important thing is that you do something, no matter how large or small. She may not appreciate it for what it is now, but kids have a way of coming around as they get older. If she doesn't come, I definitely would send it to her. You and your dh then have the peace of mind in knowing that you did the right thing and she knows that she was in your thoughts.

Anyhooo, I have given my kids gift baskets with an assortment of gift cards. Nothing pricey. I will give them $5 for Blockbuster, $5 for Burger King, $10 for Disney, $10 for the movie theatre. I've taken those paper red and white popcorn holders and filled them with that shredded gold metallic stuff and then arranged all the gift cards in there with a bag of microwave popcorn and box of candy. Sometimes it isn't about what you spend, but the novelty of the gift.

 

[ilovejack02]

She is 10. The deal was a long time ago that what she gets here stays here and the same w/ her mom's house. Her mom's idea seeing how everything she gets there is really expensive and she doesn't want it lost here ( aka her coach purse REAL.) That's what makes it hard to shop for her. Plus my dsd thinks that everything we do is not good enough. She told my husband at the age of 7 that she tells everyone that her sf is her dad. And that she was a shamed that my dh was her father. She doesn't come over anymore b/c we don't let her get whatever she wants and that she can't get away w/ what she wants. My Dh has very traditional values when it comes to certain things. Like having a cell phone. Her mom got her one when she entered the first grade, but she is not allowed to bring it here b/c dh thinks that she shouldn't be anywhere that doesn't have an adult. And almost all adults have cell phones. Anyway so every other weekend she ends up calling and asking to stay at her mother's house. We have already stop the weeknight visits and the 4 weeks during the summer. Last summer she didn't even last 2 days here.

WOW... there are a whole lot more issues going on here and its a shame that it is allowed to continue. I have had my stepson since he was almost 5 yrs old and I know for a FACT alot of things that come out of those kids mouth's are what the other parent is putting in her head. Im sorry you guys have to go through this. You all ( little sisters included )and she will be sad later on in life that you didnt push through these crappy years and just continue to be a part of her life. I cant tell you how many times my DSS pulled crap like that. We tired to never let it get us down and when he said I want to stay home... it was always met with a resounding NO... unless something major was going on. You cant compete so dont try to, just keep giving her lots of love even though she acts like she doesnt want it. She needs her daddy too.. and the little sister and even the wicked stepmother lol.

NOW that was a whole soapbox speech wasnt it lol!!!??? Im sorry, i just get soo passionate about family dynamics in stepfamilies. It hasnt been easy for us, but our oldest is now 18 and has lived with us since 6th or 7th grade and it has been GREAT for the most part... still have bumps in the road, but after the VERY VERY bumpy start we had at the beginning ... kinda the same things you are going through ( no purses though lol) we have a great relationship. Even his mother and he both tell everyone how lucky DSS is to have me lol and thats a big change from calling me a witch like they did when he was little lol. PS i loved when DSS got a cell phone, it meant when he was here WE NEVER had to talk to his mom on the phone and we just made rules for it.. no phone after a certain time etc.. Whats the big deal its just a phone and yall dont pay for it.

Back to the basket... just get her candy and what ever else you would normally get and keep it for her when she finally gets there. It only will make her resent you guys more if you treat her totally different, yes I KNOW she is a brat ... her mom helped create that, but she still is JUST A KID.
Like i said Im sorry for totally going OT on ya... i just know that these kids can be brats... but they still need us even though they think they dont and try and push us away constantly.
Good luck, sometimes the bratty kids can become big part of our lives and all the pain is worth it in the end! I know its hard to see that while DSS is being such a witch.. and I know you want to protect your Dh and your kids, but just think about it.

 

[3js13]

WOW... there are a whole lot more issues going on here and its a shame that it is allowed to continue. I have had my stepson since he was almost 5 yrs old and I know for a FACT alot of things that come out of those kids mouth's are what the other parent is putting in her head. Im sorry you guys have to go through this. You all ( little sisters included )and she will be sad later on in life that you didnt push through these crappy years and just continue to be a part of her life. I cant tell you how many times my DSS pulled crap like that. We tired to never let it get us down and when he said I want to stay home... it was always met with a resounding NO... unless something major was going on. You cant compete so dont try to, just keep giving her lots of love even though she acts like she doesnt want it. She needs her daddy too.. and the little sister and even the wicked stepmother lol.

NOW that was a whole soapbox speech wasnt it lol!!!??? Im sorry, i just get soo passionate about family dynamics in stepfamilies. It hasnt been easy for us, but our oldest is now 18 and has lived with us since 6th or 7th grade and it has been GREAT for the most part... still have bumps in the road, but after the VERY VERY bumpy start we had at the beginning ... kinda the same things you are going through ( no purses though lol) we have a great relationship. Even his mother and he both tell everyone how lucky DSS is to have me lol and thats a big change from calling me a witch like they did when he was little lol. PS i loved when DSS got a cell phone, it meant when he was here WE NEVER had to talk to his mom on the phone and we just made rules for it.. no phone after a certain time etc.. Whats the big deal its just a phone and yall dont pay for it.

Back to the basket... just get her candy and what ever else you would normally get and keep it for her when she finally gets there. It only will make her resent you guys more if you treat her totally different, yes I KNOW she is a brat ... her mom helped create that, but she still is JUST A KID.
Like i said Im sorry for totally going OT on ya... i just know that these kids can be brats... but they still need us even though they think they dont and try and push us away constantly.
Good luck, sometimes the bratty kids can become big part of our lives and all the pain is worth it in the end! I know its hard to see that while DSS is being such a witch.. and I know you want to protect your Dh and your kids, but just think about it.

Trust me we try as much as we can. I have been in her life since she was 3. There are alot of other things surronding the issue of her not wanting to be here. For one my dh didn't know about her until she was 3. I come from a step family and have seen the good side and the bad side of it. As for her not wanting to come over. She would give us a hard time and the kids if we made her. We can't call her cell phone b/c it upsets my dh to hear her call him Joe and her sf daddy while she is on the phone w/ him. We keep trying though even through the rough times. We firgure if we keep trying maybe she will come around. Even her mom doesn't understand why she doesn't want to come over. But, if we make her she ends up making my oldest cry w/in a couple of minutes and calls her mom to go home. If we say no her mom starts freaking out. We have gone through worst times w/ her over the years. So I hope this is only a phase that she will grow out of. Me and my dh hae worked hard to establish a realtionship out of nothing w/ her.

Thanks for all the advice!