need advice

[jasnal]

I don't know what to do. We are having an intimate ceremony which means only 20 people including my fiance and I. To be fair we decided that my DF would get 9 people and I would get nine people (whoever we wanted to invite). Almost all of my family (except my mom, sister and brother) live in India and are not able to come so I have invited close friends or family friends instead. My DF has invited all nine guests all family. He did not invite his sisters boyfriend (Gary) of five yrs. b/c of the limited amount of guests. He wanted to invite family. My FMIL is making a big fuss b/c she thinks Gary should be invited. She has invited him anyway and wants me to disinvite one of my guests since most of mine are not "family". I think this is totally unfair! My DF had his nine and I had mine! It should not matter whether they are family or not...besides Gary isnt family either. I dont want to be confrontational (I am one of those people who usually just goes with whatever b/c I dont like to be confrontational at all) but I just dont think this is fair. What do I do?

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I would make the decision between you and your DF. Really just because you don't have 9 family memebers that can come doesnt mean you don't have 9 friends. Maybe say he can come and join you at the meal? Explain the restrictions on the ceremony. I know other brides that have done this. Good luck and lots of pixie dust!

 

[DisBride2007]

I had a similar problem with my DH, except it was reversed! I was the one who was only able to invite family. He invited only friends of his family. It was difficult to explain to my family why we couldn't invite our friends and it seemed like they were inviting random strangers just to get up to a number. I know it seems impossible, but at the end, everything worked out okay. Are you sure that all of your 9 guests will be able to attend? (Likewise, all of his 9 guests?)

Your DH needs to talk to his mother and explain the rules. I'm sure Gary could attend the dinner after the reception, and be involved in any other wedding events.

 

[ChocolateMouse]

How closely does Disney monitor the guest count? What if you went over and had 21 at your intimate wedding? The contract says at their discretion that they can immediately halt the wedding and offer no refunds. Would they make a discretion that if they see 30 guests show up that they'd stop it, but if there's a head count of 20 + one Gary they'd let it go? What if you give Gary a camcorder and count him as a videographer?

I had similar issues and waffled between a custom and intimate wedding until I was able to pare down my list to 20 and go intimate.

 

[DisBride2007]

Disney is VERY strict about the 20 guests. I don't even think you can add a 3-year-old and go above 20. Unfortunately you can't really slip anything past them. Videographer is an interesting idea - you would have to count him as an outside vendor and pay the fee, I'm sure.

 

[ChocolateMouse]

Disney is VERY strict about the 20 guests. I don't even think you can add a 3-year-old and go above 20. Unfortunately you can't really slip anything past them. Videographer is an interesting idea - you would have to count him as an outside vendor and pay the fee, I'm sure.

Paying a $90 escort fee is still cheaper than upgrading from a $2950 intimate package to a $10,000 custom wedding. That's a very expensive extra guest.

Disney definitely doesn't let you tell them you have more than 20 guests for your intimate wedding. I was curious how strictly they enforce it on ceremony day, whether they do a head count, halt the wedding, evict everyone and send the officiant packing if they find guest #21 (poor Gary!). If I was a wedding coordinator, I'd feel great shame in having to stop the wedding despite the bride and groom breaking an intimate wedding rule that doesn't make the venue or event unsafe (like if you pile too many people into an elevator or onto a boat).

 

[karentan]

i think you need to discuss this with your DF, bottom line is its up to you two who you invite, no-one else. calmly inform your DMIL that you two decided to have 9 each and that your friends are like family to you, and that it means a lot to have them there. besides, would you really want to risk the wedding by sneaking gary in?

 

[MissKris721]

This is a tough one. I understand about you and FH each having 9 people but do you really want to start such a rift with his family? Remember, when you marry him, you marry the family. If it were me, I'd probably let the boyfriend come and take one of my friends off the list. It's not like the sister wants to invite some random person. This is a long term relationship and if you follow etiquette than that person should be invited, especially if the sister and the boyfriend live together. I just wouldn't want to cause hard feelings in the "family".

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Although I can see everyones view point on this, I would be inclined to invite Gary. Like MissKris721 said it isn't like it is just anyone, 5 years is a long term relationship so I would treat them like family. I would discuss this with your DF, it's not worth causing a huge family rift. I agree that you could pass him off as a videographer, it seems like a good solution. It's a shame your family couldn't attend and I realise your friends are important to you, but is there anyone on your or you DF's list that you can cut if you don't go for the videographer idea?

 

[Sparkles9306]

Since it's your wedding, you and DF should decide to invite him to the wedding or not. If you don't invite him to the ceremony, you could just explain the guest limits but invite him to the other wedding activities like a dinner afterwards.


We're doing the same thing splitting up the guests and each getting 9. I only got closet family, where DF got to invite a little more extended family.

 

[ChocolateMouse]

To best honest, they set the guest rules out to be an equal 9/9, not 10/8 or 12/6. If they're happy with the 9/9 split then it should be up to the fiance to deal with his mother. I see a bride getting bullied and made to look like the bad person. That is so unfair! In a marriage that is an equal partnership, DF needs to handle it now and in the future.

Now if DF is unhappy with a 9/9 split, then this is when they should revisit their agreement. I have first hand experience in how difficult it is to uninvite people to your wedding and it doesn't matter whether it's family or close friends.

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

I would let her invite him down to WDW, but I would make this clear.....If there is room for him to show up to the ceremony & reception then he'll be allowed to attend...but if everyone shows he can go to WDW but he might not be able to attend the day of the event.

Or

Tell the sister that she has to pay the extra $$ to have him included.

Dont let her sway you & your DH...I think your solution was a great & fair idea not matter who you invite....friends can be like family with alot of people, when she has her wedding, she can dictate you goes to hers, cause shes paying.

chin up & dont let her get to you.....it will work out regardless...just dont let it stress you out