Need advice: Moving with a child that has SID

[Nascia]

Hi everyone, I am in desperate need of advice. We just found out yesterday that our landlord plans to move into our house and we need to move ASAP, the end of November at the latest. I have an almost 5 yr old son with SID. I know this move will be extremely difficult on him. Does anyone have any tips that will make the process easier for him and us?

 

[FutureMrsC]

No advice, but here's a hug & some pixiedust! I'm sure some of these wonderful people will have ideas.

 

[Forevryoung]

Hi,
I may be able to help- I have undiagnosed SID but diagnosed bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder and OCD... I moved several years ago and I had a lot more time to prepare but I've thought of some tips.
It's late right now and I have class early tomorrow but I will try to post some tips soon. Can you give me a little more info on his SID? It will be easier for me to personalize the tips.
-K

PM me if it's easier.

 

[Nascia]

Thanks for offering to help, I so wish we had more time, or at least had some indication this was going to heppen. We've been pretty much perfect tenants, rent always paid on time, took great care of the house (maybe too good care as we painted and such and we never suspected this would happen ).

He does not deal with change well. It took us approximately 2 1/2 months to get him ready for our 2 week Disney trip in May '06. After about a week into the trip he really wanted to come home. We travel a lot and he's used to being away from home, but knows and likes that we will be home soon enough. I don't see him adapting well to a "new" permanent home.

As far as the SID goes, he is extremely sensitive to sound and textures. Right now he is on a very limited diet, grainy, crunchy dry foods only, but will drink juice. His wardrobe consists of pretty much sweatpants and t shirts, all without the tags of course. He really shuts down if he's faced with things he unsure of. During speech and OT will hide under the tables or chairs when its time to do a non preferred activity (which is usually quickly touching things like shaving cream or licking an apple for the time being). We have finally, after several months of intense therapy, got him to take a bath and let us wash his hair without him getting upset to the point where he'd literally make himself sick.

We have a very structured bedtime routine and he breaks down if we deviate from that too much. He also breaks down (not a typical tantrum, but full blown tears. choking, etc, lasting 1/2 hour on and can ruin his day and ours very quickly) if he doesn't get his own way or if he feels something isn't fair. He is very intelligent (he scored in the 91st percentile despite breaking down at the end of the test during his evaluation in August), but he refuses to talk about or even acknowledge certain topics, especially his feelings, until he is ready (something we really don't have the luxery of doing right now). Unfortunately it also looks like we'll be moving further away from my mom, whom he is very close too (he goes over her house several hours a day, this will limit his visits to once every other day or less). Sorry for rambling, I'm just really worried about helping him adjust and finding a house in time.

Not sure how wise it is but I was thinking about getting a puppy. I think it will help him adjust much easier since we rent now and can't have one. But on the other hand maybe it may be too much to handle right now. I would really appreciate any advice or tips that anyone can offer.

 

[Forevryoung]

Wow

First of all, no matter what, you are moving and he will have to eventually get used to it- even if it is hell for awhile (I know that's little help, but it's something to remember).

This week create a social story for him- take/use digital pictures if you can of the real events as they will happen. Start with the fact that you have to move (picture of current home), that you will pack everything up (picture of boxes), moving van will come (picture of a truck if possible), it will bring all your things to the new house, and then you will live in a new place (picture of new home)... that sort of thing. Go over it with him every chance you get... let him look at it and memorize it and ask you questions about it.

Another thing you can do is have him pack up his things. It will put him in control. Yes, his pile of shirts will not be folded neatly in the box but he will know that they are packed. Same with his toys. You can always sit with him while he does it if you dont trust him.

Let him decorate his boxes his own way. You can write the label together and then hand him some crayons and markers to label the box in his own way. This will show him whats in each box without being able to read. If he doesn't get too obessive about drawing pictures, you can have him draw pictures on the boxes that he would "need" (kitchen stuff ect). It will keep him busy while you pack.

The last box packed should be his favorite toys and his comfort objects (teddy bear, blanket, whatever works...). Put them in a special bag/box with him and put that in your car. Make sure he knows where they are and can check on them often to make sure they are still there. That box should be the first thing put in his room and the first thing he can unpack. He can then play with his favorite toys while you are busy unpacking or use his comfort objects if necessary.

Depending on how you think he would handle this (or if you think it would become a difficult habit to break) what about everyone having a sleepover in the master bedroom the first night as a "new house party". It might give him extra time to feel comfortable in the house.

Do not change his bed or his sheets... I'm sure you guessed that by now

Reassure him that grandma is not so close but he will still see her, that should be part of the social story probably.

The thing we crave in our disordered world is control. He is only 5 and has more trouble creating that control then an older child or someone like me so it's up to you to create those controls... things that stay the same as the entire world comes crashing down. Just remember that- make sure to have tons of favorite foods available, no new clothes... Keep as much constant as you possibly can.

I'll keep thinking, I have a paper to finish and tons to do
I hope this helped at least a little,
-K

 

[tw1nsmom]

Does he ever sleep over at your mother's house? If so, I would have him spend a night there during moving day. I wouldn't pack up his room until the last moment, and have someone available to set up his new room in the new house first thing. That way he'll walk in to his posters on the "same" walls and the furniture and clothes put away the same. Try to keep his routine the same as much as possible and ask very little of him. Make sure his favorite foods and clothes are available.

The social story is also a good idea. Is your mother particularly good with him? Maybe she could focus her energy on making him comfortable while you're busy with the move.

 

[Nascia]

Thanks so much for the advice. The social story never crossed my mind and is such a great idea. We will be working on it now and creating another with pictures of the new house as soon as we find one. I think we'll also work on setting up his room first that way he'll have his own place with his own toys while we do everything else.

Unfortunately he doesn't sleep at gramma's house because he can't have that break in habit. He starts the night in his own bed, but does come into my bed sometime during the night. He gets extremely upset, screaming, crying, choking, if I'm not in the bed when he comes over (He usually comes over sometime between 1-4 and there are times when I've fallen asleep on the couch or am still up working). The other thing I completely forgot was that he does have night terrors anytime that we break his routine, for example he had them for a few nights after preschool was over. There are so many things I had completely forgot about since they haven't been a problem lately, but probably will be once we move.

He has mentioned getting a dog or parrot(don't know where that came from) last night for when we move, so we are really considering a puppy he can grow up with.

Again, thanks for all the advice, it is really appreciated.

 

[Forevryoung]

Make sure he is extremely comfortable finding your room at that hour of the night because those first few nights he is going to be very disoriented. Maybe do a "walk through" before bed a few times that way he is a little more used to the hallway.

Although it might become a bad habit, you might want to suggest he calls you from his bed and you come get him. Might be a comfort to know that even if he doesnt know his way around you will find him.

-K

 

[SueM in MN]

Very good hints so far.
Unless you know for sure that where you will be going will allow pets, I would not talk much about the possibility of a dog, just in case you can't get one.

If you do know you will be able to get one, I'd not get it right away. You all need a bit of time to settle before adding a dog to the mix. Maybe have a social story about the dog too and a calendar with days to check off before you can get a dog. I would also add a social story about the dog getting used to the new house and new family and how the dog might feel scared or uncertain about moving. Enlisting his help in getting the dog 'comfortable' with your new home would be helpful. As well as helping him with the dog, it might be a way for him to identify with the feelings the dog might have and be able to talk about his own feelings.

Maybe rather than sleeping over at Grandma's house, he could go there for the day on moving day (after he is sure all his things have been packed). Then, later, Grandma can bring him to the new house. Or, it might work better for Grandma to be at your house while the packing is going on (but strictly as support for him, not as a packer or mover). Maybe she could take him on some short outings like to a park or something. You'll have to decide what would be more distressing to him - seeing the moving process or imagining the moving process when he is somewhere else. If he likes checklists, you could make a check list that goes along with the social story so he can 'follow along' with the process. The end point should be whatever the end of the social story is. For example, him in his bed the night of moving day with his favorite things - you could take a picture of him in bed with his favorite things now to use in the story later. Crop it in close so that all you see is the bed and his stuff - that way, no matter what the furniture arrangment in the room is, the picture will be the same as the new room. Forevryoung is the expert here, but my suggestion would be to have the furniture arrangement in the new room be the same as much as possible as the old room. Maybe he could draw pictures or you could tack photos up on the walls of the new room that show where the different pieces of furniture will go. That could be done on a trip to the new house right before the move so that he is sure things will be put in the right places.

I'm assuming he is in school - enlist the help of the teacher to prepare him too. If he will be in the same school she can work on some social stories that talk about him coming from a new house (maybe on a new bus or however he will get there), but ending up at the same school with the same people and doing the same familiar things at his school. If he won't be going to the same school, then you need to start them planning right now for the move.

Anyway, good luck. You maybe don't have as much time as you would like to plan, but things will work out.

 

[minkydog]

We moved a lot when my DS was between 2 & 5--12 times. My poor little ADD/SID son had to make a lot of adjustments and it wasn't easy. The one thing I would strongly suggest is the social story. We read the Berenstain Bears "Moving Day" over and over, then we implemented some of the book ideas--getting him a box, playing in the box, filling and unfilling the box. DS was very worried that we would leave things behind, particularly his hobby horse, Rudolph. We took pictures of our new town and made a little book for him to carry around.

The day of the move, DS went to preschool and later was picked up by his Aunt Donna for a trip to the park while the movers finished up. They were carefully instructed to put Rudolph on last and taken off first & that DS's new room was to be set up first. Aunt Donna brought John home in time for him to see Rudolph go onto the truck. Then she took him inside to see the empty house, his old room,etc. and say goodbye. It was emotional, but there was not much we could do about that. We did choose to transport his box of books & favorite toys ourselves. And a few favorite videos. Then we were off on a 770 mile jaunt.

He actually weathered the move pretty well. When we got to our new place, there was his bed, his Ninja turtles, his blocks and Rudolph. I did not go to work right away, but took a couple months off to help him engage. We spent a lot of hours exploring our new home, going to the park, the mall, the local attractions, the pool. Over and over. The little book of pictures was invaluable. When he recognized the new Chuck E Cheese he was delighted. It took some time, but John adjusted beautifully.

It's a lot of work, but if you focus on your son and not his various differences I think you will be fine. Expect a bumpy couple of weeks. I would not introduce a new pet into the fray, at least not now. Wait until you have settled into your new home before you even decide on that. Puppies are a LOT of work and it sounds like you are already going to have a lot on your plate with your son.