My Mom has cancer

[ticktock]

She had a pain in her side. Long story short her spleen was swollen and they thought she had lymphoma. Everyone said lymphoma is easy to treat. Turns out she has mantle b cell stage four lymphoma. Pretty rare and doesn't respond well to treatment. IF she responds to her first round of chemo they give her 1-7 years to live, but they don't think she'll last that long. This is a really bad cancer.

How do you deal with this? It's unreal.

 

[ameraumi]

I am so sorry to hear your news! Prayers are going up for your mom and your family!

I wish I could tell you how to deal with eveything. I am still learning after we received DH's diagnosis. I just take one day at a time and I try hard to not focus on the negative of it all and focus on the day.

 

[mommasita]

I am so sorry your mother was diagnosed with this...

I think you have to take one day at a time, and just go from there. I will keep your Mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have no words or ideas on how to deal with something like that. Just enjoy every moment with your mother that you have.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

How do you live with it? It is so hard to hear that diagnosis, I know, and we have been given that "get your affairs in order" speech too. That was 4 years ago, we are still battling, it becomes part of your life.. Go to chemo on Mondays, come home... hope he does ok and does not get too sick and then you watch. You try to stay focused on the positive and you do this one day at a time. Most of all you talk and live. Sometimes they do not want to go out, you have to accept that and then other times they might. Sometimes they do not want to talk on the phone, you accept that and run interference for them.. You just do what needs to be done daily.. and live your life around the cancer. You try not to let it rule you, sometimes it wins.. but you try to live your life with it..

Hugs to you and your Mom.. I said a prayer for her this morning.. stay focused and stay strong..
Marsha

 

[sarasotamom]

Hugs and prayers to you. My daughter was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Diffused B-Cell Lymphoma Stage IIB in September. After 3 chemo treatments the tumors were gone. She just finished her last chemo treatment on Wednesday. Ritussan (sp) for the next 6 months for 2 years and sit back and hope and pray that she stays in remission.

Be there for your mom. You will soon see that she is more courageous than you ever imagined. My daughter has shown me in the last few months that she is my hero. I am so proud to be her mom. Cancer has a way of making us appreciate each and every day. Tell her you love her and be there for support. Find an oncologist that you can trust. Our doctor has been a godsend.

 

[kimis]

I am so sorry for your mom and you and the rest of the family. This is hard but you can get through it. You will find a way that is right for you. You start by taking one day sometimes on hour at a time. Follow your moms lead. Take care of yourself. Always know that myself and many others are praying for you and the family! Keep us posted!

 

[minniebeth]

You are in my prayers to find the hope and strength you need at this challenging time!

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Your mom and you will be in my prayers. I still dont even know what kind of cancer I have but the dr. says he thinks its pretty rare too and only sees 1-3 people a year with it.

My dh said its good when you are rare, the doctors pay much better attention to you etc. Well I am going to a university hospital, so later I am sure the students will look at me etc.

You take it one day at a time. You cry, and you laugh etc. My one ds told me, mom every minute you spend crying is 60 seconds you are not being happy. Leave it to him!!

I think the dr. is going to do radiation on me but I did read this type does not respond well to radiation or chemo. You can do research but be careful what you read. I have read I have between 3-20 years and this cancer likes to go places, so its a watch and see type.

Just be there, be a good listening ear, offer whatever help and encouragement you can. Bless you during this most difficult time.

My faith brings me alot of strength and comfort,. I honestly don't know where I would be without Jesus and God right now.

 

[frdeb1999]

Prayers for you and your family.

 

[Mskanga]

Hugs and prayers to you. My daughter was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Diffused B-Cell Lymphoma Stage IIB in September. After 3 chemo treatments the tumors were gone. She just finished her last chemo treatment on Wednesday. Ritussan (sp) for the next 6 months for 2 years and sit back and hope and pray that she stays in remission.

Be there for your mom. You will soon see that she is more courageous than you ever imagined. My daughter has shown me in the last few months that she is my hero. I am so proud to be her mom. Cancer has a way of making us appreciate each and every day. Tell her you love her and be there for support. Find an oncologist that you can trust. Our doctor has been a godsend.

You pretty much summed up how I feel after my daughter's osteosarcoma ( bone cancer ) diagnosis in 2007. Fortunately she is in remission now and we keep checking every three months and pray that it stays gone.

Always take it just one step at a time , celebrate the small victories no matter how insignificant they may seem , your mom will draw the strength from you and you will do the same from her ( it really works that way ). Keeping you in my prayers.

 

[ticktock]

Thank you for all the prayers. I can't really be there for her since she lives 6 hours away.

She lives with my sister who is a witch, honestly. Not that my mom isn't a difficult person also. Ugh, it's too much to get into but I have to say it's killing me that for the past several months I've been kind of avoiding talking to my mom because she is very negative (what with living with my DS and just her natural personality).

Since my DS does call me and talks about other things than her job and the on going battle with mom (which are the only two things my mom wanted to talk about) I have been talking to her a lot more than my mom.She's come up to visit me two maybe three times since mom has (even though I offered to buy mom a ticket, she can't miss work, she always gets sick when she flies etc) Now I feel like I've been conspiring with the enemy or something.

I can't believe my mom is going to die. She's only 58. I somehow always thought she would get it together and do more with her life, at least be happy. She is one of the most talented people I know. She can do anything but she has always let her fears and insecurities stand in her way. It's such a big stupid waste.

 

[mrs_hower726]

First off to you.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer back in May 2008 and it has been a very rough road. She just finished with six months of chemo yesterday and has a month off before radiation. I also know how hard it is to be so far away from her, I live 7.5 hours away from my mom. My sister lives 5 minutes away from my parents and she has done a lot more harm than good.

Is there any possibility you can take a leave of absence from work to spend more time with your mom? Since I graduated 3 days before mom's diagnosis, I held off finding a job and will be starting work in February as a substitute teacher. It's been very rough financially but I got to spend a lot more time with her than I typically would.

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions or just need to vent.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

Keep up your faith and don't give into the "my mom's gonna die".. My mom was dx' with lung cancer in July 1999. She was given about a year to live. She died Oct 10th 2008 Yes, I am sad she is gone but I thank God for every extra day, month & year he gave her to us. We had faith and my mom had a super strong will. My mom said she was not going to die yet, and she didn't. She had things in her life she wanted to see and do. While Cancer must be medically treated, one's outlook also plays a part in it as well. My mom's body finally gave up and Cancer took over what was left of the bad lung, took over the good lung and from what the doctors said, they beleived it matastised (sp) to the brain.. there was some conflicting results at the end & we did not have an autopsy so we have no definate proof. I will say the day before she died (she was in a hospice) she held her head & kept saying "brain ...brain..." so she may have known something we all did not.
You cannot start dwelling on the fact that she is going to die.. you need to focus on her life, she is alive and here now. Celebrate her life. Don't let silly fights get into your way.. I did.. I am speaking from experience My mom lived 4-4.5 hours away, she lived next to my sister.. she was nasty to me (I do think it was from her cancer treatments). She always told me I wasted my money on Disney (yes, going to Disney too much). There were times I went to Disney & she was mad that I didn't go to her house. I am just about 3 hours away from Disney (south) and my mom's house is about 1 and 15 minutes from Disney (give or take). I would get mad at her for not coming down to the hotel and staying with me.. lots of silly things that I cannot take back now.. so when I say don't fight over meaningless things, I have been there done that. I know my mom knew I loved her. I was with her day & night for the last 3 days of her life.. Yes, I spent time with her, but I should have spent more.. I called her every other day... maybe I should have called every day.. now I cannot call at all.. so.. please.. don't let anger get in the way of spending valuable time with your mom.. bite your tounge, don't fight back.. and don't give up on her life.. she is your only mom... and eventually you and your sister will stop the fighting as well... me and my sister are the best of friends now. We have seen all the time we lost... There are no enemies that you have to worry about when talking to your family.. remember that, they are your family... I hear what you are saying thou.. it's like going behind ones back to talk to the other, again, been there done that.. and that did take time away from us.. don't let it happen to you. If you cannot be there in person for your mom.. call her all the time..

 

[LouDisney]

You and your mom are in my prayers.

 

[cgrobin]

Is your Mother basically in good health? If so don't let them scare you with the 'odds'.

When it comes to blood cancers, it's all about how the cancer responds to treatment, and even then there are multiple options. Are they giving her Rituxan as part of her chemo?

I found one thread on the LLS Support board where 'Gramma' has been living with MCL for 10 years! She was Stage 4 in 2005 and is still kicking cancer butt!

Your mother is even young enough to be considered for transplant too.

Until the doctors have tried everything and how well she responses is know, they can only guess based on how others have done, how well she will do.

Also keep in mind, any stats that say '7 years', are outdated stats as they predate the use of both Rituxan and Velcade, which wouldn't have been an option for most people until 3 years ago, therefore don't include the success rates for either of those drugs.

Good luck to you, your Mom and the rest of the family. It's not a pleasant journey, but many have survived it.

 

[cswtmom]

You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers
Don't give up !!!

 

[tylerdavis88]

Its important to think positive and to be strong for your mother. Don't let her see you upset. Give her your strength. She needs it. And don't start negative thinking. She can and will recover-make this your mantra. I went through a similar experience and started writing letters to God. And it worked.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I know the statistics on my husband's cancer, I just do not listen to them. Each person is different and will battle the cancer differently, some respond better than others. So, think right now, she is living with cancer. Also, I hope you can get to a place where you and her have a relationship with no negativity, so hard I know, but for you I hope it..