My Heart is Broken...long

[EllenFrasier]

If you are as close to her as you say you are, then why not just ask her? Say "It's been so much fun talking about all your wedding plans and I had hoped to see you on your special day, but I didn't receive an invitation"....ball is then in her court.
If she says she didn't invite you, then at least you know the truth - that you were indeed not invited and can go ahead with your plans to just send a gift if you still want to. Or she might say "oh my gosh, we invited you!", then you have the option of going! No harm done, is there?

 

[Disney Doll]

OP...don't ask her. About the closest you should do is say "Please make sure you send me a picture of you so I can see you in your dress". Realistically, unless the bride is totally dense, if you say that she will say "What do you mean? Aren't you coming?" which willopen up the conversation.

Or she'll say "Of course I'll be sure to send you one" at which point you will know you were not invited.

 

[MELSMICE]

OP...don't ask her. About the closest you should do is say "Please make sure you send me a picture of you so I can see you in your dress". Realistically, unless the bride is totally dense, if you say that she will say "What do you mean? Aren't you coming?" which willopen up the conversation.

Or she'll say "Of course I'll be sure to send you one" at which point you will know you were not invited.

This is a good way to handle it.

I don't think I would ask, because if it was not a case of invite lost in the mail or an oversight, it is uncomfortable for both the bride & yourself.

 

[FINFAN]

Is the wedding in a church? If so anyone can go. I know it's not the same but at least you can see her walk down the aisle and such. It would probably stink to not be able to go to the reception after but at least it's something.

I was going to say the same

 

[Mimi1965]

The wedding is in a church but out of town so not feasible to go to without being invited to the whole deal.

The wedding is basically out of town for everyone. They live out east, family all over the world, friends all over the country so they chose a central-ish location.

Thanks for all the kind words, it helps to get it out.

It could be they thought you travelling -and staying in a hotel was too much expense-or they really were limited on guests because of the venue

 

[wvjules]

I had no idea that if one wasn't invited to a wedding, they could still go to the wedding ceremony if it was in a church. I'd feel like I was crashing. If they had wanted me there, they would have invited me.

 

[MELSMICE]

I had no idea that if one wasn't invited to a wedding, they could still go to the wedding ceremony if it was in a church. I'd feel like I was crashing. If they had wanted me there, they would have invited me.

Yes, anyone can go to the church to witness the ceremony.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had no idea that if one wasn't invited to a wedding, they could still go to the wedding ceremony if it was in a church. I'd feel like I was crashing. If they had wanted me there, they would have invited me.

That's not true. I remember a few people coming to my wedding ceremony (neighbors of my parents), and I was touched. Also, weddings are announced in the church bulletin, and there are some seniors who come, just for something to do. It's common here (and I live in the land of lavish receptions).

 

[golfgal]

If they mailed an invite and you never responded, why would she say "see you there" on Facebook? To her it would appear you are NOT going.

Honestly, if you care about this girl as much as you say, I would still go to the ceremony and not the reception, who cares if that is all you attend. Why do you feel you need to be invited to the 'whole thing' to make it worthwhile to go? The important part is the ceremony, the reception is just a party. I would go to the ceremony, sit in the back of the church, watch your baby get married and leave. Take a picture or two if you can and down the road when she asks why you weren't there you can tell her you were there and show her the pictures.

 

[Mimi1965]

If they mailed an invite and you never responded, why would she say "see you there" on Facebook? To her it would appear you are NOT going.

.

Reread her original post
She was HOPING the bride would say "see you there"-on Facebook-but she didnt
Again-the OP feels a closer connection to the bride that is reciprocated

And she lives too far away to just "pop into the church"

 

[weewuvvdisney]

I think that I would just call her and wish her a wonderful wedding day!

No pressure - just a few kind words. No mention of not receiving an invite.

If she was invited, the bride would have the chance to say - see you there!

If nothing is mentioned, then just leave it as is. You then have a choice of either sending or not sending a gift.

 

[Cee]

I'm heartbroken for you.

 

[pl'smama]

I think that I would just call her and wish her a wonderful wedding day!

No pressure - just a few kind words. No mention of not receiving an invite.

If she was invited, the bride would have the chance to say - see you there!

If nothing is mentioned, then just leave it as is. You then have a choice of either sending or not sending a gift.

Nicely put!

To the OP, I feel for you and hope that you will eventually get some closure on this, whatever the outcome.

I do think it is a shame the way some posters have been rather rude to the OP in the face of this obvious pain she is in. As a care giver to these children she has been an integral part of their lives and had been privy to many "bonding" moments over many years. If for that reason alone posters should be a bit kinder with their remarks. Providing potential reasons why this has occurred was not necessary in order to offer OP some support and a way to deal with this.

OP, whatever you do, or don't do, I hope your heart heals. God bless.

Suz

 

[NotUrsula]

Providing potential reasons why this has occurred was not necessary in order to offer OP some support and a way to deal with this.

I disagree. The OP is taking it personally, and those of us who offered those reasons are pointing out that that the lack of invitation may have nothing to do with her personally, but be related to other circumstances.

It might be an oversight or it might not, but whatever else happened, it was probably not a case of, "I'm not inviting X because I really don't like her."

 

[Scurvy]

If you are as close to her as you say you are, then why not just ask her? Say "It's been so much fun talking about all your wedding plans and I had hoped to see you on your special day, but I didn't receive an invitation"....ball is then in her court.
If she says she didn't invite you, then at least you know the truth - that you were indeed not invited and can go ahead with your plans to just send a gift if you still want to. Or she might say "oh my gosh, we invited you!", then you have the option of going! No harm done, is there?

The problem with this is that it puts the bride in a very awkward position. Most people don't want to have to tell someone to their face that they didn't make the cut. Many times, they will feel obligated to say that the invitation must have gotten lost in the mail, just so they can avoid telling someone that they didn't actually want them at the wedding. With a wedding like the one in this situation, it's quite likely that someone is supposed to be chasing down answers from people who haven't responded to the invitation. If the OP was actually invited, someone would probably be contacting her to find out whether or not she is planning to attend. By asking, the OP would be giving the bride a choice between either hurting the OP's feelings by telling her she wasn't wanted at the wedding or inviting the OP just so she doesn't hurt her feelings. The only way it could have a good ending is if the OP was invited and her invitation just went astray, and if that's the case then the OP would likely be hearing that from the bride or someone close to her without having to put the bride into an uncomfortable position.

I had no idea that if one wasn't invited to a wedding, they could still go to the wedding ceremony if it was in a church. I'd feel like I was crashing. If they had wanted me there, they would have invited me.

Many churches are always supposed to be open to the congregation, and in those churches you can't have a private event in the sanctuary. It must remain open to everyone. Some churches even require that the couple "invite" the rest of the congregation by putting an announcement in the bulletin or somewhere in the church. That isn't the case with all churches. (That's actually why I wasn't married in the church where I grew up. I wanted a very small wedding and would have had to invite the entire congregation if I married there. A smaller offshoot of that church didn't require us to invite everyone, so we chose to have the wedding there instead.) I personally feel as you do. I would never attend a wedding ceremony unless I was actually specifically invited. I'm afraid it would make the bride and groom feel bad, like I think I should have been invited, and I'd never want to make someone uncomfortable on their wedding day. Also, depending on the size of the church it's possible that the invited guests would fill all the available space. I wouldn't want to take a spot from someone who was actually supposed to be there.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have attended the ceremonies of folks where I didn't invited to the reception. I understand that not everyone can get invited, and truly never get offended if I don't get invited, but there are some folks I still want to see. I've gone for a couple of colleagues' ceremonies, and the daughter of a colleague who I became close to after all her wedding plans were in motion.