My Exciting Day

[chell]

This morning I had an appointment with my counselor which meant I couldn't sleep in like I wanted to. When I got there she didn't answer the door. I wasn't sure if her door bell was working or not so I called to let her know I was there. I got her answering machine and told her I was there for the appointment and asked her to call me when she got the message. She went to see her children for Christmas and I figured she ended up staying longer than she had planned and didn't have my number with her.

Tonight she called to let me know just that. She felt terrible for missing our appointment but I understand. Family is very important!

Anyway instead of coming back home and going to bed (like I wanted) I headed on down the mountain to see my family. My dad had asked me to come over for dinner tonight so I was going to go anyway. Before going to see my sisters and the boys I thought I would stop by the mall to see how much of a sale Petite Sophisticate is up to now and see if my friend Jamie was working. Petite Sophisticate is still at 60% and I had decided that I wasn't going to buy anything unless it was 75% or more off.

Then I wander around and find the salon Jamie works at and luckily she was there and we visited for a while. We went to school together from 9th grade until we graduated. For her 18th birthday I threw her a surprise birthday party and met my then future husband, Junior. About 4 or 5 years ago we lost touch for the second time since graduation. It wasn't until about a week after Junior's funeral that I was able to find her. Since she had known Junior and his family so well I had to find her to let her know. It was good to see her today but I hate the circumstances that brought us together again.

Funny thing is that she is moving tomorrow back to the area where we went to high school. I told her that I was trying to do the same. Isn't it funny how you move away then work your way back home? Maybe once I get moved back down there we can do some stuff together again and get me out of the house for something other than work and family.

Wow, that turned into something longer than I thought I would post about that. Anyway, the really exciting part of my day was when I was leaving the mall. As I walked towards my exit I just happened to look down to the lower level where I saw it - a huge Mickey head. WHAT? A Disney Store back at the mall? No way! Why had no one told me this? Okay so maybe they did and I just forgot.

When I walked in there was this big table with many items reduced. I never can turn down a great sale so I had to check it all out. When I left I had 6 new antenna toppers for my car. They were only $1.99 each too! As soon as I got outside to my car I had to change out my topper to my new green glittery one.

After I left the mall I went to see my sisters and the boys but the boys were still having their nap. Then I headed out to my dad's and had a great dinner there. After dinner I headed back to my sister's house and they were not home. WHAT? Finally got a hold of one sister and she said they were on their way back home. Well I had to go on in because I do have the world's smallest bladder. They pulled in just as I was opening the front door. I wasn't sure if the kids saw me or not. When they came in I realized the kids had not seen me or my car so I just stood in the bathroom waiting. They had just finished dinner and were getting ready to eat dessert. I wanted to wait until they were in their seats before I came out so they would eat their fruit cups. I thought they were both in their seats and came out but my little man was looking for his sippy cup. He saw me and his eyes were as huge as saucers and almost flew out of his head. I love my boys!

Poor little guy, after running to me and hugging me he forgot what he was after. He ran and got his coat. I told him that he needed his cup, not his coat. He was still in a daze. The baby was in his chair and was so happy to see me too. I love my boys. Have I said that lately?

This morning the baby was looking for me. It breaks my heart that I can't be so close to them right now. Hopefully that will change soon. I'm glad they know that I love them.

The excitement of my day was finding a Disney Store opened back up in my area but mostly was of seeing my little man's eyes when he saw I was at his house and him running to me for a hug and a kiss. These are the things I need to remember when I'm down.

Thanks for letting me share. I know it is random and weird but that is how I am so this is fitting for me.

 

[C.Ann]

Thanks for letting me share. I know it is random and weird but that is how I am so this is fitting for me.

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Don't give it another thought.. These poor folks here have been listening to me "ramble" since last January.. It's such a strange process to go through.. I went to Florida shortly after my DH passed away to see my sister and it was like I had been walking blind for years.. All of a sudden I "noticed" the most mundane things - like the shapes of the trees; the color of the soil; etc. - could actually sit there for hours just "looking" at whatever was in my view..

Then I'd do something like try to cook a roast beef (my DH always cooked the roast beef) and I would totally lose it.. Next minute I would be planning what I was going to do months and months away..

In April I went to Disney solo - on what would have been our 28th wedding anniversary - and as soon as I walked into the Magic Kingdom I had one of those "What was I thinking?" moments.. Here I was - surrounded by thousands of people - and I've never felt so alone in my enitre life..

When I came back north I headed up to our place at the lake in the mountains and that's where I stayed for 7 months.. Most of the time I did fine - but I still had many moments that I refer to as "sneak attacks".. I forgot that some of his clothing and things were still there and there were photos of him all over the walls.. It was tough at times, but I knew that I was tougher so I stuck it out and when the sad feelings came I just allowed myself to feel them - I mean REALLY feel them - but then I would pull myself together again and go on about my day.. Going there was the best thing in the world for me - lots of solo time during the week - then lots of seasonal people, my DD, her DH and my granddaughter on the weekends..

You'll find your way.. I promise you that.. You just need to find what "works" for you..

 

[chell]

Thanks C. Ann. It was last January that you lost your husband? In a way that seems so long ago but then it also seems like it was just a month ago. I've kept up with your threads on here for a very long time. You have always been one of those posters to me that I always look for and find comfort in your posts no matter who they were for.

I did have a trip scheduled to WDW for February but now that I'm taking some time off from work I don't think I can go. :cry: I really was looking forward to getting away. Now I think I need it more than ever but I know that it will happen when it should.

Maybe I just need a better plan of where I'm going to leave part of Junior. The ToT scared him so bad I have thought about leaving a little of him there just for the heck of it. Shhh! Don't tell anyone though. It is our little secret.

At least I am back to trying to be silly once in a while. That is something I haven't done for almost a month now.

The support I have been shown from people here on the DIS has simply been amazing and has really pulled me through some difficult moments.

 

[lynetteSC]

HI CHell- That is too funny that you posted! I was just thinking about you a few minutes ago and wondering if you were having a better day! Glad you founbd a DISNEY store! Which mall is it in?!?!? Please continue to share your random thoughts ...

p.s. LOLOLOL at the ToT idea!

 

[C.Ann]

At least I am back to trying to be silly once in a while. That is something I haven't done for almost a month now..

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Being silly is good too.. It's another way of relieving stress.. Even shortly after my DH passed away, we would talk about some of the sillier things in life and it really helped to have a good laugh here and there.. If you followed my post you might remember the one about the insurance company that kept calling me and wondering why he wasn't enrolled anymore.. No matter how many times I told them he was deceased, they would come back with some ridiculous statement about there not being a problem in cancelling his policy as long as he didn't plan on re-enrolling again.. I don't know what part of "dead" they didn't understand, but I was at the point where I was ready to bring his remains over there, unscrew the lid and ask if they would like to speak to him personally.. After awhile it got to be quite the joke around here and we spent many evenings laughing about it..

If you want to laugh - if you want to be silly - then go right ahead and do it.. It's not being disrespectful at all - it's just another way of dealing with a terrible loss..

 

[lynetteSC]

meant to tell you .. dh got back today from his stepdad's funeral. (thank heaven's ... I am a HUGE whimp and not very good "single" mom ... anyway, he was telling me his mom is doing well and has been trying to find things to laugh about to get through the week!

 

[chell]

Lynette I am glad to hear he is back. Surely all his mother has to do to laugh is to think about your little one eating that food last night.

Below is the now infamous ToT picture of Junior. One of our friends wanted to print it out and have it at his funeral because she loves it so much. He is pretty easy to spot since my sister Jan & I are staring at him.

Guess what makes the picture so funny for all of us is the fact that he wasn't afraid of much in life. I have no idea if I was scared or not of the ride because I was so focused on him.

Seriously I thought he was going to have a heart attack and die right there. I told him that if he died on the ride since he choose to go through with it and wasn't forced I was staying for the rest of my vacation and would deal with a funeral after vacation was over. I don't think he could hear me over his screaming.

 

[chell]

C. Ann I forgot about the insurance company. Thanks for reminding me because that made me chuckle.