My DD8 wakes up every single night - what to do?

[MAKmom]

There is a lot of good advice on this thread.

But I think before you try any of it ask her in a casual way why she does not come in when DBF is there. If she just shrugs tell her it is ok to tell you why. If it is because she just does not like him tell her you will never tell him.

If she is fine with DBF ask if everything is ok at school. Tell her you really need to know what is wrong.

 

[Sillyisme]

I would lock my doors. Maybe she will get the point then. Or lock her in her room and ignore the screams.


Kidding.

 

[Irin997]

That's a little harsh if you ask me. Threatening your child when she is having sleeping problems will only encourage her anxieties. Your child had a fit because you scared her.

OP - yes, this is a phase your daughter is going through. Don't be angry at her for it. Talk to her and see if she is having problems at school, with her friends, bad dreams, etc. She just needs some extra loving right now to get her through it.

Trust me, I have asked and talked and asked some more. She says she doesn't know. I think I posted yesterday that I talked to her doctor about it and she said that it has now become a habit for her body to wake up. And now she is used to waking up and coming in my room.

At 8 years old she is old enough to be told, "you will stay in your own bed, plain and simple" especially if she sleeps in her own room when the BF is over. I'm sorry, but no way would I be woken up every night by an 8 year old.

Unless she was sick or bleeding I would tell her to stay in bed!

I've said it time and time again, but telling her to stay in her bed and her actually listening to me are two different things.

You'd be surprised what's "stimulating". TV and video games are considered stimulating -- from what I understood when DS was having trouble falling asleep, the flashes from shows and commercials, as well as the video games, are meant to keep people watching. If you want to test this out, turn off all lights when the TV is going and just watch the light reflection on the back wall.

I'd do some kind of short term rewards with her -- for example, if she goes Monday through Friday without going to your room, she gets a Slurpee after school (or something similar that you agree on together). Once she re-establishes the habit, you won't need to reinforce any more.

Best wishes. We had similar trouble with both kids -- night frights -- would wake up an hour and a half after falling asleep. It sounds really dumb, but we wound up buying one of the southwestern dream catchers, and we explained what it was and that the bad dreams got caught in the web, etc. The same day we put it in the room, the wakings stopped.

I like the dreamcatcher idea. She would probably like that. I will also try the rewards. We have a snowball stand near our house and we're close to a Rita's. Maybe I'll put that to action tonight. Sleep through the night for the rest of the week and on Sunday, we'll go to Rita's.

There is a lot of good advice on this thread.

But I think before you try any of it ask her in a casual way why she does not come in when DBF is there. If she just shrugs tell her it is ok to tell you why. If it is because she just does not like him tell her you will never tell him.

If she is fine with DBF ask if everything is ok at school. Tell her you really need to know what is wrong.

She adores DBF. She wants us to get married and for him to be her dad. Her dad is not in her life and hasn't been for over 5 years now. I've asked her about school, her friends, if she is worried about anything, etc and she says no, everything is fine.

Thanks again for all of the ideas and suggestions. I'll keep you posted.

Last night she did pretty good. She got up around midnight and asked for a drink of water. It was super hot yesterday (over 90 degrees!!) so it was warm in our rooms. I told her she had water in her room and to take a drink and then go back to bed. She did and then she slept the rest of the night.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

This might sound like a dumb question but are you sure she's really awake? My DD sleepwalks. She will carry on full conversations and travel all over the house. We have even taken to deadbolting the door and putting the key out of her reach when she tried to leave the house one night. She appears to be fully awake, eyes wide open and chatting. She has absolutely no memory in the morning. We know she's asleep because sometimes her conversations make no sense or she's addressing us as if we were her buddies. We have also found her watching TV in the middle of the night but she never changes the channel from the last one that was on.

Just a thought. And good luck with everything.

 

[Irin997]

I would lock my doors. Maybe she will get the point then. Or lock her in her room and ignore the screams.


Kidding.

When I'm pulling out my hair, I have (jokingly) thought of that.

 

[Mamatoaprincess]

I feel your pain! My dd 9 has done the same for over a year. It started when I accidently set off the house alarm when she was asleep. She became afraid that someone was going to break in.
I too tried taking her back to her bed several times each night. I tried nice, angry, taking things away from her, everything.
Finally I put a sleeping bag on my floor and told her she could sleep there IF she was quiet and did not wake me up. That worked for awhile. We moved the sleeping bag to the room outside our bedroom and I will find her in it several times a week.
The point is - this will pass. Just find a solution that works for you. Put a blanket on the floor if you have to. They grow up so fast. Soon we'll be posting dating questions on here and wish we only had these issues! Don't let it stress you!

 

[LuvBaloo]

That's a little harsh if you ask me. Threatening your child when she is having sleeping problems will only encourage her anxieties. Your child had a fit because you scared her.

You are entitled to your opinion, as I'm entitled to mine. Obviously I don't think it was too harsh. I did not say my child was having sleeping problems. I said she was not going to bed well. If I tell my child to go to bed, but she chooses to repeatedly get out of bed to bring more toys onto her bed, she will be given a choice. In this case I gave her the choice of staying in her bed or sleeping in the bathtub. She then threw what I call a fit (shouting "no, you can't make me do that" and stomping her feet). I firmly believe she was not scared at all, she was mad. She got over it, realized I wasn't backing down and ended up choosing to stay in her bed.

As a parent I can not force my child to sleep, but I can expect them to stay in bed quietly when it is sleeping time. OP was looking for ideas to get her child to stop waking her up at night. OP has already considered the normal causes for sleep problems. I was just throwing out different ideas, obviously some strategies are effective for some kids and not for others.

BTW, I like the dream catcher idea

 

[padams]

DS went through this phase. The good news is that he outgrew it.

Rather than punishing her, be positive. Is there something she would really like to have (at her age, I really wanted lip gloss ) or do (have a friend spend the night or spend an afternoon just hanging out doing whatever she wants with you and perhaps bf)? It doesn't need to be expensive, just special. Give her a calendar and tell her you will give her a star for every night she stays in her bed. When she has X number of stars (you'll have to decide on an amount- I'd start with something attainable, not 200 nights), she can get the thing or activity. When she has earned the reward, she'll probably have also broken the waking up habit.

Good luck

 

[KerriSue]

My daughter is one of those kids that will wake up at night for no reason. Ive told her that I need my sleep. Yes, Im selfish, I cant help it. I cherish my sleep. So the deal was this, if she woke up for whatever reason, hot, cold, just couldnt sleep, she was to read. She could read all night if she wanted, but she wasnt to leave her bed. This works wonders. The kid reads and then will eventually fall back to sleep. Give it a try, you never know.

 

[cydswipe]

My DD9 has sleep issues. She's up in the night 1 -2 nights a week. Still wets the bed. It's frustrating, but we're at our wits end. It turns into "NOW, what?@!?!??!?!)

I like the blanket on the floor idea for now. I know this will get better, it will for you too!

I had night terrors when I was a kid. My mom said I'd be asleep for 20 minutes and then they could hear my feet hitting the floor and I'd come out screaming. I remember taking meds for it... heck, it could have been a piece of candy, but I remember. I remember being afraid of fires (1st grade and it had been fire prevention week) It was really bad for a while. No babysitter wanted to be with us kids.... OOPS

My DD6 will randomly sleep walk... she once picked up her hot pink croc and took it back to bed to snuggle

 

[DisneyJules]

You are entitled to your opinion, as I'm entitled to mine. Obviously I don't think it was too harsh. I did not say my child was having sleeping problems. I said she was not going to bed well. If I tell my child to go to bed, but she chooses to repeatedly get out of bed to bring more toys onto her bed, she will be given a choice. In this case I gave her the choice of staying in her bed or sleeping in the bathtub. She then threw what I call a fit (shouting "no, you can't make me do that" and stomping her feet). I firmly believe she was not scared at all, she was mad. She got over it, realized I wasn't backing down and ended up choosing to stay in her bed.

As a parent I can not force my child to sleep, but I can expect them to stay in bed quietly when it is sleeping time. OP was looking for ideas to get her child to stop waking her up at night. OP has already considered the normal causes for sleep problems. I was just throwing out different ideas, obviously some strategies are effective for some kids and not for others.

BTW, I like the dream catcher idea

I don't see anything wrong with this. My parents would have done the same thing when I was younger. My mother one day came into my bedroom with a garbage bag after asking my sister and I to pick up our toys after the 20th time and threatened to throw everything out. Would she have? Of course not! Did it work? Sure DID!