My daughter doesn't seem to want her kids back--vent

[KNEIPPK]

So traveling back in time

2 years ago my daughter has a 6 month old girl and tells us hubby hit her- so we let her move back home with DH and I- space is not an issue. We tell her we will help her get on her feet and help if she wants to go to school. She never goes to school and never keeps a job for more than a month, even though we gave her a car and transported granddaughter to daycare our selves.

6 months after she moves in she says guess what I am pregnant- so we know what she was doing in her free time- and it is hubbys. He hears about the newest addtion and leaves the state.

9 more months later grandson is born and hubby is back in state and they are like dating- she still lives with us- not working and now 2 kids we are paying for- she did not even qualify for foods stamps then as she was under 22 living at home.

4 months later- september 2009- I have finaaly had enough as hubby is now sleeping over at our house as he does not drive- so she can take him to work. When his parents kick him out they ask to stay with us and we say enough is enough and say the kids can stay but not the parents- they wer both slobs and yelled at the kids all the time for not sleeping til 10 am- our neighbors told us- they were so loud.

they talk it over and say ok kids can stay- mu hubby and I thought this will be wake up call and they will get it together to have kids live with them- The first week they did not even call to check on the 18 month old and the 4 month old

December 2009- we apply for guardianship and they agree and sign off- the agrement says get jobs, your own place and provide stable life and kids go back.

July 2010- they just got there own place daughter still not working and hubby says I will work summer but winter is my vacation- so he will stop again in October

they have visits every weekend but they refuse to keep their children overnight- when i asked if they wanted to keep them more daughter says hubby wants peace and quiet on his days off---uuumm these are your children-

I am so disgusted with them- we do get help from the state for medical and daycare- but this is draining us, and doesn't look like it will change soon- will they never grow up - or are they waiting til both are potty trained

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So traveling back in time

2 years ago my daughter has a 6 month old girl and tells us hubby hit her- so we let her move back home with DH and I- space is not an issue. We tell her we will help her get on her feet and help if she wants to go to school. She never goes to school and never keeps a job for more than a month, even though we gave her a car and transported granddaughter to daycare our selves.

6 months after she moves in she says guess what I am pregnant- so we know what she was doing in her free time- and it is hubbys. He hears about the newest addtion and leaves the state.

9 more months later grandson is born and hubby is back in state and they are like dating- she still lives with us- not working and now 2 kids we are paying for- she did not even qualify for foods stamps then as she was under 22 living at home.

4 months later- september 2009- I have finaaly had enough as hubby is now sleeping over at our house as he does not drive- so she can take him to work. When his parents kick him out they ask to stay with us and we say enough is enough and say the kids can stay but not the parents- they wer both slobs and yelled at the kids all the time for not sleeping til 10 am- our neighbors told us- they were so loud.

they talk it over and say ok kids can stay- mu hubby and I thought this will be wake up call and they will get it together to have kids live with them- The first week they did not even call to check on the 18 month old and the 4 month old

December 2009- we apply for guardianship and they agree and sign off- the agrement says get jobs, your own place and provide stable life and kids go back.

July 2010- they just got there own place daughter still not working and hubby says I will work summer but winter is my vacation- so he will stop again in October

they have visits every weekend but they refuse to keep their children overnight- when i asked if they wanted to keep them more daughter says hubby wants peace and quiet on his days off---uuumm these are your children-

I am so disgusted with them- we do get help from the state for medical and daycare- but this is draining us, and doesn't look like it will change soon- will they never grow up - or are they waiting til both are potty trained

They are never going to grow up. You have to accept that. Are you willingly to get permanent custody of the children?

If not they can be placed in foster care. I know it is horrible to say that but I do not know your situation and sometimes you have to make decisions that will benefit the children and not yourselves or your dd.

I mean they could be adopted by loving people that will care for them. It could happen.

Eventually your dd will be living back with you at some point if you allow her to. Probably when she is pregnant again and then you will have another baby to care for. Or hopefully you made her get her tubes tied? I would pay out of pocket for my kid that was doing this behavior.

 

[Nancyg56]

I wouldl try to adopt the children, you are the only home they know. You are the only parents they know. I would never let DD back in to teh house to stay. Never let her hubby back. Period. I would be done with both of them

 

[luvsJack]

My sil had a very similar situation with her ds and his gf. SIL was finally able to adopt them. It was the best thing for all of them. It has turned out well for their situation. Sadly her ds is still unwilling to be responsible enough to take care of the kids and the bio-mom has married and doesn't want them at all.

Giving them up to a foster family would be the very last alternative for me.

 

[mommytobug]

oh how this story breaks my heart. We were unable to have biological children. We have a wonderful 11 year old daughter we adopted at birth. We have an open adoption with her birthfamily and are heading to Wyoming next week for a family reunion. I share this to say it can work for the benefit of the children. I try not to ask why but it is so hard when all i wanted was children and then i hear and see those that have them and dont want them. Let me know if you want names of those you can talk to about any of this.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Oh wow. You are a saint, OP. I have no advice just hugs.

 

[shortbun]

They don't want them. You don't really want them to take them under those circumstances do you? So sorry for your grandchildren but they are lucky they have you.
Do the other grandparents pony up and do their part?

 

[Magic Mom]

The babies are so lucky to have you.

 

[wvjules]

i wouldl try to adopt the children, you are the only home they know. You are the only parents they know. I would never let dd back in to teh house to stay. Never let her hubby back. Period. I would be done with both of them

^^^this^^^^

 

[Deb in IA]

I think your daughter has chosen her husband over her kids.


And he has chosen "peace and quiet" over his kids.


It's pretty clear that neither of them are parent material, so if I were you, I'd go ahead with adoption.

 

[DisTeach1]

Well, I would not want the grandparents to adopt them. I think the best thing for these babies, while they are still young, is to get adopted by a young family, unrelated, and to start a new life far away from what they are now living.

 

[PatsMom]

Those two kids are very lucky to have grandparents who love them and want to take care of them. I have to agree with Deb - your daughter has chosen her husband over her children. And the husband has chosen peace and quiet over children. I don't suppose they contribute to support either?

I'd go for permanent legal custody or adoption. That way the daughter can't decide she wants to be Mommy sometimes and then just hand them back when she is tired of them. Kids need stability.

 

[TIAMOMMA]

Well, I would not want the grandparents to adopt them. I think the best thing for these babies, while they are still young, is to get adopted by a young family, unrelated, and to start a new life far away from what they are now living.

 

[ReneeA]

Lots of hugs your way.

We are dealing with something similar in my family. My stepbrother and his wife are both long term drug addicts. Their first son was born before they were using regularly. The second was born and had all kinds of drugs in his system - he spent 3 weeks in the NICU. My dad and stepmom took both kids for a few months, the state stepped in and severed their parental rights (this part took a year) when they didn't fulfill the requirements of staying clean and completing inpatient rehab. 2 of my siblings adopted the boys. They don't live in the same house, but attend daycare together and are being raised as cousins. It is not being kept a secret that they are brothers, but as they are only 2 and 4 now, so they don't fully grasp it.

The problem? Stepbrother and wife have miscarried twice since then, and she's currently pregnant again. As she hasn't fulfilled the requirements STILL, the state will step in again and take this one as well if she gives birth. We are running out of people in my family willing to raise these children, so I'm assuming at some point, they will be fostered or adopted out. Breaks my heart on top of making me incredibly angry.

 

[LisaR]

I know many are suggesting that the OP adopts the kids. What if the DD turns up pregnant again? And again? At what point does the OP say enough when she is having a hard time caring for these two? I truly feel for you, OP. I would do everything in my power to keep the kids but you better prepare yourself for the real possibility of your DD having more babies since she knows you will be there to raise the kids for her.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I would do everything in my power to keep the kids but you better prepare yourself for the real possibility of your DD having more babies since she knows you will be there to raise the kids for her.

This is a long-shot. OP should deal with the current kids right now before worrying. Will daughter agree to adoption or would she raise a stink about it?

 

[Sparx]

Are you willing to apply for adoption? Both of the parents would have to sign to relinquish their parental rights. While it seems like they don't care about the children have you thought about them possibly using the children if they get angry with you? (I. E. not signing off their parental rights and maybe running with the children?)

This is a very delicate situation and I'm very sorry that you've found yourself in it. Thank you for taking care of those babies when their own parents couldn't be bothered to.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I understand what she is saying because I tend to agree. The grandparents are doing all they can for the kids but in the end they are still trying to grow a relationship between the children and parents of the children. It's just not there as the parents aren't mature enough to handle it or want to handle it so it seems.

Sometimes it's better for the children to be out of the situation all together and in a different family and environment to ever have a shot at something normal. I'm no way saying that the grandparents aren't providing stability but because of their relationship with the children's parents it just makes everything more difficult and messy.

 

[KNEIPPK]

They don't want them. You don't really want them to take them under those circumstances do you? So sorry for your grandchildren but they are lucky they have you.
Do the other grandparents pony up and do their part?

the other grandparents are drunks and do not even want to see the kids

 

[laracroft]

I work in a line of work that I see this all the time. You are a wonderful grandma and God bless you for what you have done. There will never be an easy answer for this and I would even look for them to have anothor child. I would go ahead and seek legal council and get parental rights terminated. It would hurt you and take a way worse toll on you if they came and got them and you had to wonder if they were safe, fed, clothed or even loved.