My Dad Passed Away - We've Cancelled Our Trip

[MommyWithDreams]

my dad passed away on the 20th. we've just returned from travelling to SoCal to clean his apartment and attend the funeral, etc. it's been a very rough time.

we had a 5 day DLR trip planned for the beginning of august. however, my husband and i both are feeling very sad about the days we've spent at DLR during the last few years - days we could have been spending with my dad instead. we always made time for him on our trips, spending several days with him, before going on to disney. but still, it's painful to think we "wasted" time at disneyland that we could have been spending with him.

and now, my husband's mother has been hospitalized with congestive heart failure and fluid around the heart. we both decided that this year, we are going to trade our DLR time to spend with loved ones instead.

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family at this time. I will say a prayer for your mother in law. Hugs to you.

 

[SilentFeline]

I'm sure this will sound like more of the same, but I am truly sorry for your loss. We lost my grandfather very unexpectedly on December 27, 2006. It made Christmas very difficult for us the next year, but we were all grateful that we had a chance to spend one last Christmas with him together. It was a wonderful Christmas. We were all surrounded with such happiness. My grandmother (his wife) passed away in March of this year. I understand that in times of loss, it is easy to think of what "could have" or "should have" been done. I know I did it with both of my grandparents. However, what is most important, is that no matter how bad things may seem to us, our relatives always know that we love them, and they love us and want us to be happy. I'm sure your father knew how happy it made you to take a break every once in a while to go to Disneyland with your family, and I know that it didn't make your visits with him any less special. Remember and cherish the wonderful times that you had with your father, and try not to feel bad about giving yourself a break once in a while. You deserve to be happy.

I wish you and your loved ones the best of luck, and I hope that you will be visiting Disneyland again when things settle down in your life.

 

[Eeee-va]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope you've been convinced not to feel guilty. My father is in OK health but since he has trouble getting out of his wheelchair (which he's used since before I was born) and doesn't care for crowds, he doesn't enjoy Disneyland, so we only had one family trip there. Mostly I've gone with my mom and/or friends. He really wants me to have fun and be happy and I think your father would want the same.

You changed your actions when you realized that he wanted to see more of you. That's all you could be expected to do. It's not a sin to not be a mind-reader.

You obviously are mindful of both the brevity of life and the need to be considerate of your loved ones. If you decide you want to go to Disneyland now or in the future, please don't feel guilty at all. We all need some time off to recharge and as much as we love our family, sometimes it can be stressful spending time with them, even if everyone's in good health. But if you want to spend time with your loved ones instead that's a good choice too.

 

[ArielAdventurer]

I am so sorry for your loss..I do know what you are feeling..I lost my dad in 1999, just 18 days after the birth of my daughter..He never got to meet her..as Air Force had us living away from our home in Ca...My mom died Dec 10, 2005, just 3 weeks after spending a couple of months with us..We had a trip planned for DL the summer of 2006...and.. we were going to cancel..because Mom usually went with us..but..instead of canceling..we decided to make our first ever trip to WDW...It was Disney..but not the same..so no sad memories..We had a good time..Of course..nothing can make up for the loss of a loved one..but..we still had a good time..
You have to do what is right for you..whether that is to go..or..postpone it..

 

[JadeDarkstar]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Mine died 17 years ago, amazing how long it's been. I was only 14 at the time. But it's the memories we hold on to, and last a life time. I believe your father would not want you to cancel your trip, and would not have wanted you to not visit DL when he was alive. Fathers want us to be happy!

We visit DH's grandma in the same way when we go down to DL. Spend a day or so with her, and the rest of the time in DL. We didn't get to see her this week, as she wasn't feeling up to it enough. But she was happy we were having a good time.

Take some time to mourn and then decide what to do later about your trip. (((HUGS)))

I was 14 when mine passad away 10 years this dec (we will be just get back from disney the day of)

I dont know how its been 10 years a part me still crys when i think about things.
Sorry for thread jacking y

I am sorry for every ones loss Is is some thing to see we all go thought it. Its good to have friends here who can be suportive in times like this

 

[Gisele]

Don't worry Jade, your not thread jacking in my honest opinion. I believe that it is good to share to one degree or another one's feelings, and life. Even if some people cannot be good enough to respond to one's messages. At least one can share their feelings here, to a reasonable degree.

 

[mechurchlady]

I was 14 when mine passad away 10 years this dec (we will be just get back from disney the day of)

I dont know how its been 10 years a part me still crys when i think about things.
Sorry for thread jacking y

I am sorry for every ones loss Is is some thing to see we all go thought it. Its good to have friends here who can be suportive in times like this

Hugs JadeDarkStar.

Yes this site has so much support and yes my father has been gone 17 years this July and he lives in me and the things I say and do. I just got a sccoter and remember Dad saying that I had a clutch, brakes, and a reverse so use them on my car. Same with a scooter, you got stuff so learn and use them/

 

[northshoremama]

so sorry about your loss. my sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family.

 

[AustinTink]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[pycees312]

Sorry about your loss.
I will admit i have been totally avoiding this thread figuring i would not know what to say. But i finally came in today...
What comes to mind and I hope you find it to not be insensitive but Disneyland makes you and your husband happy and I'm all for people being happy and enjoying themselves. And i'm sure your father knew that. So don't be so hard on yourself for doing something that truely put a a smile on your families face. And i hope once you've grieved you will continue that tradition.

 

[fairykin]

Oh No. I am so sorry. This just hurts my heart to read of your pain. It's my secret fear for one of my parents to pass. I love them so very much. I would be just like you.
May compassion comfort your pain and loss. Slowly may the pain ebb and beautiful happy memories shared fill that space.

Just simply sending you love.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

My deepest condolences to you. What a gift that last day was with your dad. It's a memory to cherish, I think.

I lost both of my parents, too - my mom in '95, and dad in '05. It's never easy to lose a parent, and at least for me, that sense of loss never quite goes away. I had a birthday while my mom was in the hospital, and even when sick, she was thinking of me, and gave me a night at the Disneyland Hotel (she loved DL, too). I took that night in July (my mom passed away in May), and that visit was so bittersweet. I mourned and celebrated my mom at the same time.

DLR will be there for you when you're ready to return.

 

[Teki]

I am very sorry to hear about your Dad's passing and your MIL's illness.

If I may... I would not feel bad about your Disneyland trips. You said yourself that you spent time with your Dad on each trip. Then you went and had some time at DL. There is nothing wrong with that. It's a balance.

Maybe let your August trip sit. Don't cancel it, but just wait to see how things feel in a little while, after you have had a chance to deal with your grief and have a better idea of how your MIL is / will be doing.

Again, sorry for your loss. Sending pixie dust to you, your family, and your MIL.

- Dreams

I totally agree, here. Im very sorry for your loss and hope that your mother in law recovers and recovers quickly.

 

[FireflyJar]

deleted

 

[usschmidt]

I'm so sorry for your loss...losing a parent is so difficult. I lost my mom in '97 and my dad this past Labor Day weekend. We had just arrived in Anaheim and only been in the park a little over an hour when I got the call. It was all very surreal...I was supposed to be celebrating my children's birthdays at the happiest place on earth kwim. I had to explain to a 5yo and 7yo that we had to get back in a car and drive another 8-7 hrs back home and then I'd have to leave them to go bury Opa. We went back to DLR a few weeks later but I honestly don't remember the trip at all. We went again in Nov and don't remember that trip either. I was finally able to have fun and I actually remember our Feb 09 trip. My point being do what you feel is right for you and your family...no one can determine what that is for you. But don't make decisions out of guilt. Make them with joy and love.

xox-s

 

[deebits]

I am VERY sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in Feb 07 and she was 63 years old. I would go to WDW with my mom 2 to 3 times a year. My DH and I were married Dec of 05 and Feb of 06 we found out she had cancer. My DH and I decided to celebrate our 1 year anniversary with my mom and dad in WDW. My mom could barely walk and the last thing she wanted to see before we finally left for the airport was Main St. We all knew that would be her last trip to Disney.

So I believe I know how you feel. It was so HARD for me to go back to WDW because everyplace I went, there were memories of things I did with my mom there. She was and still is my best friends.

My DH and I had scheduled a trip to WDW in May of 07 and I debated for a LONG time if we should go or not and finally decided I needed to do it. When we got there we bought a plaque in EPCOT Legacy wall for her memory. I do not know if DL has something like this, but maybe this might help to know your dad's memory will always be with you.

Take you time and do not rush you decision. You are the only one who will know when you will be ready to go back to DL.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

 

[Mugglemama]

wow. thank you ALL so very much for your kind and thoughtful words. it's amazing how uplifting the kindness of "strangers" can be. thank you.

to all of you who shared the story of the loss of one of your parents (or grandparents), thank you. i appreciate that you shared your insights on grieving.

aside from my husband and kids, my dad was THE most important person in my life. he taught me more about being a quality person than anyone i've ever known, and i still work hard to emulate him. he was kind and good and gentle. he placed no importance on material things, and was nice to animals. a guy who'd been horribly abandoned and horrifically abused from the time he was less than 2 years old, and despite it all, he found the strength to be loving and gentle as a dad. he was technically my step-dad, but he'd been with me since the day i was born and was there for me physicall and emotionally much more than even my own mother. he was, quite frankly, my hero. and i miss him terribly.

i've been thinking today about a trip we took to DLR all together a few years ago. here he was, 70 years old, and he still rode rides like California Screamin' with us, and LOVED it!!! he laughed and laughed on that ride, it was wonderful. it's one of the last real trips anywhere he ever took, because his best friend of 40+ years died unexpectedly a few months later, and he battled severe depression afterwards all the way until the time of his own death.

i think in a few days i might feel up to getting out the photos of that disneyland trip. we got a few really great ones of him while there, and i would like to look at them.

for all of you who shared your stories of loss, i'm very sorry for the loss of your loved ones, you are all in my prayers as well. you're right, the pain of losing a parent is very intense, even when you are grown and the parent is elderly and ill. i had NO idea it would be this painful.

we had recently decided to plan a trip to WDW for next year. so i think we'll evaluate things in 6 months or so and then decide if we still want to take that trip.

my MIL is having a procedure tomorrow morning to have 3 stents (sp?) put in. she already had one put in 7 years ago. we're hoping that this procedure will help her a lot. she's also had emergency open heart surgery a year and a half ago, so this poor woman has really been through it with her heart. we're praying that the stents help her to feel well and stay with us for many years!! we love her very much and of course do not want to lose her!

i've been able to let go of some of the disneyland guilt. the important thing is that we changed our plans when we knew it mattered to my dad, and were happy and willing to spend more time with him last year. i can't change the past, and i'm learning through this process that it's important not to focus on the things that cause more pain, but to try to focus on the good things.

thanks again SO VERY MUCH for all of your kind words, support, and encouragement. it's meant a lot to me.

 

[Canyon girl]

Mugglemama, I lost my father in December. Like your father, mine was instrumental in shaping my life. My kids had a very difficult time with it. My daughter had stomach pain and chest pain. She didn't want to eat, but what turned it around for her was a trip to DLR. I think your father, like mine, would want you to go to celebrate the times you had there together. I hope that you and your family are able to come through this trying time together.

 

[Mugglemama]

Mugglemama, I lost my father in December. Like your father, mine was instrumental in shaping my life. My kids had a very difficult time with it. My daughter had stomach pain and chest pain. She didn't want to eat, but what turned it around for her was a trip to DLR. I think your father, like mine, would want you to go to celebrate the times you had there together. I hope that you and your family are able to come through this trying time together.

i'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. like your children, my children are having a tough time with my dad's death, too (emotional outbursts, trouble concentrating, nightmares, etc.). i never thought that a big "fun thing" like disneyland might actually turn things around for them. thanks very much for the insight.

again, my sincere condolences. take care.