Moms & Wedding Dresses

[MissManners]

My mother keeps sending me emails containing links to wedding dresses that she likes... we're talking dozens of dresses. I have already found a dress that I like, and I know she and my sister are not too fond of it. My mom lives in DC and I live in FL, so I can't tell whether she is just doing this to be a "part" of the planning process, or because she literally wants me to see and try on every single dress on the planet, in hopes that I will find one that she likes more.

My mom and sister are planning on flying down here in a couple weeks to go dress shopping, and my mom wants us to go to like a million different stores. I already found the designer I like, and the store that they sell it at and quite honestly that's the only place I want to go. I don't see the point in wasting the entire weekend trying on dresses (sidenote, I hate trying on clothes, shopping is really not my thing... I am one of those people who gets frustrated and upset, not who loves doing it); especially when there are other wedding related things that we could be doing.

The problem is my mom is very, very nice. Like the sweetest person on the planet. And I really don't want to hurt her feelings but she is driving me INSANE. Has anyone else had this problem when it came to wedding dress shopping? Any advice for how I can tell my mom to relax without hurting her feelings? I already sent her an email telling her I will try on as many dresses at the one bridal shop as she wants, but that I really don't want to drive around to a million different places.

Sorry I just really need to vent! And DF thinks this whole thing is humorous.... he would!

 

[SaidYes]

That's tough. I am a people pleaser by nature so I know how frustrating it is.

Have you tried on the dress you love yet? I ask because if you haven't maybe you could make a couple of appointments at different places CLOSE BY(like 2-3 and no more than 3 so you are not overwhelmed). I have heard of girls who fell in love with a dress in the pictures and ended up hating it when they tried it on. So maybe you can still apease your mother and let her have her experience and give yourself a back-up in case you end up not liking that designer as much in person. Just an idea. AND, if you all end up loving that dress/designer you can just cancel your other appointments!

 

[MissManners]

That's tough. I am a people pleaser by nature so I know how frustrating it is.

Have you tried on the dress you love yet? I ask because if you haven't maybe you could make a couple of appointments at different places CLOSE BY(like 2-3 and no more than 3 so you are not overwhelmed). I have heard of girls who fell in love with a dress in the pictures and ended up hating it when they tried it on. So maybe you can still apease your mother and let her have her experience and give yourself a back-up in case you end up not liking that designer as much in person. Just an idea. AND, if you all end up loving that dress/designer you can just cancel your other appointments!

Yes, I actually did try the dress on! And the entire staff was ooo-ing and ahh-ing over it, including my two BFFs who came along! I even had another bride come up to me and tell me how perfect it looked and if she could try it on when I was done! I'm hoping maybe my mom and sister will have the same reaction when they see it on?

 

[SaidYes]

Yes, I actually did try the dress on! And the entire staff was ooo-ing and ahh-ing over it, including my two BFFs who came along! I even had another bride come up to me and tell me how perfect it looked and if she could try it on when I was done! I'm hoping maybe my mom and sister will have the same reaction when they see it on?

Ohhhhh I see. I would just make another appt at that store where the dress is and let them see you in it and they might end up loving it too! Also, Ive seen episodes of Say Yes to the Dress where the girl will have completely opposite taste to their mom's and try a dress on that the mom likes just to apease her and even the mom ends up agreeing that the one the bride picked out to begin with is THE ONE!

Or, maybe you could re-direct them completely and tell them you could really use their help with deciding on bridesmaid dresses! Or maybe see if your mom wants to go 'mother of the bride' dress shopping and maybe it will re-vert her attention.

 

[angel81uk]

I had the same problem with my mum, and like you I don't particularly like shopping either. In the end I found it easier to just go with it and try dresses in the shops she wanted to go to. I made sure she drove though

Even then she still wanted me to go out again and look in more stores "just in case"! I put my foot down the second time but did give it a couple of weeks before going back and trying my choice of dress on again and ordering it.

 

[chryscrazy]

I think you should go to at least 1 or 2 other stores. You never know, you may find something you like more. This is an important time for mom too and she probably started thinking about dress shopping with you as soon as you got engaged. Just try to indulge her a little.

I hate shopping too, but I did actually enjoy dress shopping.

 

[chris31997]

Just like the other people have said, make at most 3 appointments(including the store that has the dress you like) and try on some dresses. Now, you have tried on some dresses your mom liked, and then show her the dress you like in person. Hopefully she will like it.

Who is paying for the dress? If she is, than you might lean more to what she thinks, but if you are paying for it than go for what you want. See if there is a compromise style for the two of you.

Just an FYI, guys would so think it is so funny, mine would be right there with your

Good luck in shopping, and a little pixiedust that it is stress free

 

[Mindyjoy]

I tend to agree with everyone. I would make the first appointment at the store you already went to and show your mom the dress you love .... she may surprise you and love it. If not, you can humor her by trying on a few of her designs. I've noticed on some of the bridal shows that sometimes the mom doesn't like the daughter's first pick, but after trying on a few other dresses and then putting the original one back on, the mom comes around.

Maybe you can conspire with the sales people to pull a couple dresses that would look really unflattering on you, so then the dress you like looks really great in comparison!!

 

[MissManners]

Thanks for all the input and responses... I just really needed to vent before I started pulling my hair out! I guess I am being a little stubborn, so I will make some appointments at other shops. I think part of me is afraid that I will find another dress that I like too, and then I will not be able to decide between the two (I am very indecisive... which is probably why I hate shopping). I know it really is important to most mothers-of-the-bride, so we'll see what happens. And perhaps I will get the salespeople to put me in some particularly ugly dresses

 

[PrincessShea]

I would drive to a million different places and make her happy.

 

[MissManners]

I would drive to a million different places and make her happy.

I know, and honestly if we had more time I wouldn't mind. But because they live so far away, we literally only have like a day and a half to get stuff done. If I lived closer to them I wouldn't mind venturing to different stores on the weekends. Also I was told by the salesperson at the wedding shop that I need to order my dress pretty much by that weekend in order to have it in time for the wedding (if I end up getting the one that I want). Obviously I want my mom to be happy!

 

[sambycat]

i personally wouldn't go to a million places only to make her happy, but i certainly would indulge the mom a little! absolutely! and it sounds like you are and want to...

i second the idea of trying on some other options, just because they can surprise you, that said, and seeing how you mentioned the dress and the sales people ooohing and aaahing, what will you do/how will you feel if your mom doesn't love it or down right hates it?! thats the only thing i would worry over. it is smart to see whats out there and try things on, and of course moms get excited and look forward to the whole wedding experience too, and thats just normal! so hopefully, after a shopping day and lunch and all that, maybe she will calm, it must be hard having the daughter so far away!!

hang in there!! you only have how many more moths to go?!?!

 

[MissManners]

i personally wouldn't go to a million places only to make her happy, but i certainly would indulge the mom a little! absolutely! and it sounds like you are and want to...

i second the idea of trying on some other options, just because they can surprise you, that said, and seeing how you mentioned the dress and the sales people ooohing and aaahing, what will you do/how will you feel if your mom doesn't love it or down right hates it?! thats the only thing i would worry over. it is smart to see whats out there and try things on, and of course moms get excited and look forward to the whole wedding experience too, and thats just normal! so hopefully, after a shopping day and lunch and all that, maybe she will calm, it must be hard having the daughter so far away!!

hang in there!! you only have how many more moths to go?!?!

We are getting married Dec. 10th, so we have some time And in all fairness, the sales people could have been oohing and aahing because they are sales people, and of course they want me to purchase a gown haha!

I do feel really badly because I know it must be very hard having your first daughter to get married and living so far apart. DF and I overall just want the entire process to be as easy as possible... part of the reason we are doing a DFTW is because we thought it would be nice for everyone to have a vacation and relax!

My mother is not the type to throw a fit and not let me get the dress that I want, I just obviously want her to love it as much as I do I won't be happy walking down the aisle in a dress that I know she doesn't like.

 

[sambycat]

thats really nice! you will have fun! let the weekend be the nightmare dressfest and then be done with it - i mean you won't have to do the dragging about every weekend! and honestly, yes, the dresses have to be ordered early, and i don't mean to say don't listen to the sales people, but i bet you could safely really have even almost 2 months to get the dress ordered and still get it. it seems like if you have more than like 6 months, you will be fine. of course, you want the piece of mind, but don't feel like you HAVE to get it this weekend or it isn't enough time!

so excited for you! my parents actually aren't alive (not to be depressing!), and i so missed my mom during all this, but in other ways, it was easier to just have to deal with my own copious judgements and expecttions and not my parents too, although obviously well intentioned! whew!

i was just hinking a little while ago that i am so happy we had our experience but that the uncertainty and planning is kind of done, because i still have all the best parts of the wedding planning stage - great "dis-pals", pretty pictures to look at (only we are in them!) and we don't have to fret over the next payment to mickey!!!!! of course, i get to live vicariously through all the guys and gals comin' up after me too!!

cant wait to hear what happens!!