Moms (or dads), would this bother you?

[TimeforMe]

We just now returned from a wonderful day in NYC with DH and my 2 kids, DD15 and DS13. We went to see Thoroughly Modern Millie, had a wonderful dinner and strolled around the city enjoying the beautiful weather and spring flowers decorating the city. We found this really neat music store and my kids both bought sheet music they had been looking for. We took the train home and my kids both took out their new sheet music to look at. DS decided to program DH's cell phone with his new music. He was at it for maybe 10 minutes and it honestly did not occur to me that it might be bothering people I guess maybe because I thought it was so great that he was even doing it and it was music (for God's sake!)--plus the train was loud with people talking, etc. Anyway, this woman behind to the right of us leans over and asks if DS would please "give his cell phone a rest" as it was bothering her. DS, of course, obliged but was totally embarrassed as she said it rather loud and many people turned to look. Now, please know that my kids are always very well-behaved, considerate, etc., etc. While I can appreciate the fact that maybe she found the "music" very irritating, I found it rather sad that people have become so intolerant that she couldn't just "suck it up" and let him be. It actually put a little bit of a damper on our otherwise wonderful day. Are we, as a society, becoming less tolerant and more petty???

 

[cindy_k]

I can see both sides of this issue. While it's great that your son was trying to put the music in the phone, and it probably wasn't that loud...

Most of people on those trains in the afternoon are regular commuters. I used to do this from Long Island. It's a two hour trip each way, and a lot of regulars try to nap and you learn to block out people talking and train noises after awhile, but I know that a person playing with putting in notes in a cellphone would have quickly made me nuts. Though I wouldn't have said anything unless I was having a really bad day which was maybe what happened with this lady.

I'm sorry this put a damper on your day.

Cindy in NY

 

[dandave]

I'm embarrassingly unfamiliar with cell phones. When you say that your son was programming music into, do you mean that there were 10 minutes of <i>beep, bip, beep, bip, beep,...</i> noises?
If this is the case, then I would not have been offended by a polite request to please discontinue the noise. I, too, would have found it annoying, I believe. Those beepy, repetitive noises give me a headache.

 

[Nutsy]

I too can see both sides of this............

It's really great that your DS can & was able to do such a thing, but on the other hand, I do know that those cell (mobile) phones can & are a pain in the butt on trains.

Even over here, on a not so crowded train, you nearly always get someone who just has to ring someone or someone rings them or if they are teenagers with their own phone they will sit & play with the thing & all it's ring tones.

It does get to be qutie irritating I'm sorry to say & I guess if I were in your situation & it was my son & I was enjoying it, I wouldn't think any of it either.

 

[TIdoublegaER]

I'm not sure which you are asking - would the phone had bothered me or the fact that the lady asked your son to not play with it?

I found it rather sad that people have become so intolerant that she couldn't just "suck it up" and let him be.

Honestly, I probably would have asked him to stop too if it had gone on for 10 minutes. I don't think it is so much that our society is petty - I do think we Americans are pretty intolerant of anyone who disagrees with our point view - but I think we have become more disrespectful of those around us, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

While I understand your DS was trying to entertain himself and it is pretty cool that he was programming the phone, I know I can only take so much of that high pitched beeping before it grates on my nerves. My cell phone plays Beethoven and Mozart, but it really isn't the same as hearing come out of a real instrument!

I don't think anyone should be expected to "suck it up" when someone else is making a constant, annoying noise and oblivous that there are others around him or her. I don't think your son was deliberately trying to annoy this woman, but asking someone to stop something that is bothering them (and probably others too) isn't petty.

 

[Jillpie]

I completely agree with the above posters. Train rides are for quiet conversations, reading quietly or perhaps nodding off. You have to respect the fact that other people are very close to you. Its a public place where you cannot just get off easily if people around you are being noisy. Don't you think all that beeping is annoying? I think I may have done the same thing as that woman, but in a much more polite manner.
p.s. As I was reading your post, I myself wanted to shout, "Shut that thing OFF!!" lol.

 

[CEDmom]

Having commuted to NYC for about 10 years I can definitely tell you that while the trains may be noisy sounds that are not common can be very distracting. I think the woman had every right to ask your son to stop, although she could have done it nicely and quietly. My best advise for the future would be to try to avoid riding a rush hour train.

 

[TimeforMe]

Hmmm..interesting. First, this lady was obviously not a commuter as it was the 8:04 train and she was traveling with her teenaged daughter. The phone's volume was on low. The conversations surrounding us were anything but quiet, including hers.

He wasn't being disrespectful in the least. He was simply being a kid. Just as much as she was being an adult engaging in a somewhat loud conversation on a somewhat loud train ride. I don't know, I guess you had to be there. I honestly don't think if it were the reverse that I would have asked him to stop. It just wasn't that big of a deal....

DH and I recalled a similar situation once that made me think of society becoming more intolerant of people. We were on a short flight home and the young man across the aisle from us was coming to NYC to propose to his girlfriend. He was obviously very excited, nervous, happy, etc. and was sharing his story. He asked if we wanted to see the ring and of course we said yes. He turned his overhead light on momentarily to show us and we made the obligatory oohs and aahs. The woman sitting in front of him very rudely turned around and told him to turn his light off as it was bothering her! I find that to be intolerant and while I know that is indeed not the same situation, I just find that sometimes people actually look for confrontation.

Maybe I was a little oversensitive because it was my son, I just don't think I would have acted in the same manner.

 

[C.Ann]

I have to be totally honest and tell you that cell phones in general just grate on my nerves - BUT - having said that, I wouldn't have made a big deal out of it and loudly voiced my opposition.. (Well - "maybe" if I had a killer migraine - LOL)

Just try to put it behind you and remember the wonderfully nice day you had in the city..

 

[epcotfan]

Sorry to say but I too would find it annoying. I just got a new cell phone and scrolling through the ring tones at home (to select a setting) was enough to bug me. I tried to find the least offensive audio ring. Thank goodness for the vibrate function!

 

[believe]

I guess I am the opposite of those here. If the sound was on as low as it could go I don't see how it could have been irritating over all the other noise. When it comes to kids I have more tolerance. I would have just been happy that he was sitting there quietly. If she was continually carrying on a conversation with her daughter and you were trying to sleep would you ask her not to talk because it was disturbing you? What if someone was on a laptop and typing, would you ask them to quit because the sound of the keys was bothering you? As long as your son was doing it as quietly as he could he has every right to program the phone.

 

[snoopy]

I'm with believe. I would much rather the kid sitting there playing quietly with something, and probably would have asked him to show me what he was doing. The only behavior I cannot tolerate from children is blatant rudeness, but that doesn't sound like the case here.

My other feeling is if you are on a train or a plane or any form of public transportation, your personal space is pretty small. You can't expect the public to behave to your every wish. I think the lady was rude to yell at your son, and I'm sorry he was embarrassed.

 

[FOJMO]

While I admire what your DS was trying to do, I'm sorry to say it would have bothered me also.

However, when a child in public is doing something that bothers me, I tend to speak to the parent quietly and ask THEM to ask their child to change the behavior. My DD has been approached several times as she's grown up, by adults who are less than tactful, to stop doing what she's doing because it bothered them. I always wished that they would have asked me to speak to her, though, as she has been brought to tears on occasion by their angry manner of speaking.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I agree with most of the other posters. The beeping would have drove me crazy. 10 minutes is a very long time to have to listen to a cell phone beeping. If she would have said something as soon as he started, I would say she was just being mean. However she put up with it for at least 10 minutes.

I believe kids will be kids, but they don't have the right to annoy people around them.

As parents we have to remember that other people will not always think the things our kids do are as cute as we think they are.

 

[dbond]

If it bothered me, I would have just moved. However, I think that I would have enjoyed listening to what he was trying to do and been very impressed that a kid his age could do that. What really grates on my nerves in a crowd are the hand held video games. Unless you're watching the action on the screen, it's just noise. I always insist that my kids turn the volume down or off if they are playing in the car or in a crowd. In your case, I think his efforts would have been interesting to listen to. But then if the person on the train was talking, she probably wasn't listening to what he was doing and the beeping noise in the background became irritating. It's all a matter of perspective, I guess. She could have been more polite and more patient, but she wasn't, and I suppose she felt entitled to not being annoyed and became irritated. When things like this happen, I try to use them as an opportunity to talk to my kids about how different people are and how they must learn to respect the differences and learn tolerance of other's actions, no matter how unfortunate their actions are. I would have also affirmed him by saying that I didn't find his actions annoying, and encourage him to continue what he was doing later, but we should always consider and respect others feelings even if we don't always agree with them. Don't be annoyed by her actions, be thankful that she provided you with an opportunity to teach your kids about dealing with annoying people. They have to learn it somewhere, unfortunately, it's a fact of life.

Are we, as a society, becoming less tolerant and more petty???

Yes, I think we are, but I'm afraid it's the generation our kids are going to live in, so I guess as parents we have to teach them how to deal with it. Our country has become so much more crowded in the 45 years of my lifetime and with more people comes more discomfort and more frustration. Just think about how it might be in 45 more years. So don't be upset with an annoying lady, just be sad for her. She must have a hard time finding joy if she becomes so irritated so easily.

 

[Robinrs]

It would've bothered me, too but like FOJMO, I would've talked to the parent and not the child.

Sucking it up is not exactly a NYC thing... I had to learn that "couth" since moving to the South.

Believe me, if you were on the subway, you would've heard WORSE and probably gotten a chorus of agreements.

Talking, train noise etc are sounds the ear is trained to deal with. Cell phone beeps are tailored so the person will NOT ignore them, and they can be very grating to the psyche.

Sorry this happened to you. The Broadway side of NY is a sweet wonderful adventure. What you experienced with this woman was more of what I experienced during my 31 years there.

 

[bananiem]

I'm going to throw a new wrinkle in- If the woman had a hearing aid the higher pitched beeps could have been painful.
If it was me I wouldn't have had the guts to say anyting and would have sat there in agony.

 

[TimeforMe]

Originally posted by believe
If she was continually carrying on a conversation with her daughter and you were trying to sleep would you ask her not to talk because it was disturbing you? What if someone was on a laptop and typing, would you ask them to quit because the sound of the keys was bothering you?

Thanks! That is the point I was trying to make.

dbond:

"When things like this happen, I try to use them as an opportunity to talk to my kids about how different people are and how they must learn to respect the differences and learn tolerance of other's actions, no matter how unfortunate their actions are. I would have also affirmed him by saying that I didn't find his actions annoying, and encourage him to continue what he was doing later, but we should always consider and respect others feelings even if we don't always agree with them. Don't be annoyed by her actions, be thankful that she provided you with an opportunity to teach your kids about dealing with annoying people. They have to learn it somewhere, unfortunately, it's a fact of life. "

Thanks for the reply! Very well said and I totally agree. That is exactly what we did.

snoops:
"My other feeling is if you are on a train or a plane or any form of public transportation, your personal space is pretty small. You can't expect the public to behave to your every wish. " Another good point! Just as when I'm on an airplane, I can appreciate the fact the my personal space is limited, the flight won't last forever, etc. and therefore I try to deal with it.

Thanks for all your replies. I feel a little silly that it bothered me so much last night, but you know how defensive us mommies can get sometimes I think it was mostly because he was so genuinely engaged in something creative and then almost brought to tears (which rarely happens) that it bothered me so much. I have it in better perspective today.

 

[TigH]

Personally, I would just continue to focus on what a wonderful time I had with my family and not let one small incident like this plague me! You have some wonderful memories to cherish! Enjoy them!!!!!!!

 

[December99]

I do think however, that people are less tolerant as the years go on - not just from the world events but in general. I find it with greatly with the younger generations - and I'm not that old! The kids today are not taught tolerance like I was, they are expected to be more and more catered too then I ever was as a kid. And then they grow into adults and it gets worse - yes, I'm serious - I see this in the students that come in our office and when you are on the phone you are expected to stop dealing with that person and cater to them and they stand there tapping their fingers, tapping their feet and pacing. It's sad indeed!