Pea-n-Me
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2004
Well, OP, I was all warm and comfy in bed in "reading mode", but had to sit up again, in the cold, to write this reply 
as it's an issue that's very close to my heart, like it is for so many others here on this thread.
I am very fortunate to have both a son and a daughter - twins. But throughout my life I always imagined myself with just one girl. Her name even came to me suddenly one day when I was 16 years old and standing in the middle of a street, lol. As I got older, boys kind of scared me, too. A couple of different times I saw them throwing rocks at chickens in Aruba, and birds on the beach at home, and things like that, and I thought, yeah, I can do without that thank you very much.
So somehow I just assumed I'd have a girl someday but never really gave it a ton of thought. Until the day that I was pregnant and going for the first ultrasound where we'd find out what we were having. Well that day they could only see the genetalia of one baby but not the other, and lo and behold I saw a big ol scrotum on the monitor! Whoa, stop the presses! I'm having a BOY?? OMG! My knees literally knocked the whole way home. Then afterward I convinced myself the second was probably a boy, too! What would I do with two boys??
A few weeks later we had another ultrasound and I could barely contain my excitement to see what the other baby was. But I noticed a little "concern" in the room between the tech and the radiologist. So when the radiologist came over to talk to us, I asked her what Baby A was. Her reply was brief and terse: "Baby A is a girl but there is a problem with Baby B". My heart just about sank to learn that my little boy that I was so scared of having had some of the markers for Down Syndrome.
When we left, DH tried to cheer me up by saying let's go look at some girl's clothes, but that was about the last thing I wanted to do. Instead I headed down to the bookstore at Harvard Medical School and started reading some radiology textbooks to try to figure out more of what was going on. All of a sudden I didn't care about boys and girls, I just cared about the health of my babies! To take it even further, I was offered further chromosomal testing and the option of abortion but was warned that if we aborted, I could lose both babies. Good grief! How naive I was to only be worried about gender initially! Needless to say, I continued the pregnancy but worried for the remainder about my little boy - every single day. And I was so relieved when he was born that he was perfectly healthy. (Although I had accepted the idea by then and knew we absolutely would've worked it out if he had had Down Syndrome.)
I did have a very complicated delivery and was half out of it for the first 24 hrs or so after their birth. I remember opening one eye and seeing the nurses teaching my husband how to care for the babies. I did get to hold them, but only briefly. Much more to that story, but fast forward to the next morning. I fed my son, and sort of awkwardly went to burp him. When I put him on my shoulder, he snuggled into my neck and it was like this feeling of utter warmth and love just came over me all of a sudden. I fell completely in love with him in that moment; it was one of the most profound things in my life, ever!
I actually did wonder why I ever worried about it in the first place too!
I also figured out as he was growing up that parents really do play a big part in shaping behavior, so throwing rocks at animals was never something I had to worry about with DS as he was always a big softie for any animal; in fact, we tease him because the uglier an animal is, the better with him, lol. And he was just an all around good kid who of course had his moments, but was basically a pleasure to raise, and we're really proud of the young man he's become. (20 now.) I don't get to spend a lot of time with him too much anymore as he is very busy in his life stage, but we went to dinner and a movie as a family last weekend and we had a lot of fun, DS and I were racing up the stairs together laughing, and he walked beside me all the way out to the car as we were leaving, talking, joking, etc., all moments I still cherish. He makes a point of spending as much time with my mother as he can as she's 92 and I love that he does that. He'll go in and have breakfast with her sometimes or watch a ball game or movie with her, etc.
One special moment with him I'll never forget: When he was six years old I had cancer and lost all my hair. I'd explained to my kids that I would be bald, but have a wig, and we were all a little anxious about it. So the day I had my head shaved and came home with a wig on, DS came over to me. He asked me to take my wig off. I shied away at first and was like we'll do it later, etc., but he was really curious, so I finally took it off. With no hesitation and without even blinking an eye, he said, simply, "You look beautiful, Mom". Six years old.
Little boys do love their moms.
OP it is all going to work out and once you meet your little boy you, too, will wonder why you ever worried. But in the meantime it is completely understandable why you might have these feelings. Don't worry about it. I really think that when we're pregnant we worry about certain things but those generally turn out to be the things that we really didn't have to worry about. Maybe it's our mind's way of focusing on something "small" other than bigger worries like work and finances and how we're going to manage it all, etc. Like Mother Nature's way of preparing us for what lies ahead, while protecting us and protecting the baby at the same time. I'm glad you reached out and am also glad you're getting so many great responses. Hang in there.
Edited to break into paragraphs
as it's an issue that's very close to my heart, like it is for so many others here on this thread.I am very fortunate to have both a son and a daughter - twins. But throughout my life I always imagined myself with just one girl. Her name even came to me suddenly one day when I was 16 years old and standing in the middle of a street, lol. As I got older, boys kind of scared me, too. A couple of different times I saw them throwing rocks at chickens in Aruba, and birds on the beach at home, and things like that, and I thought, yeah, I can do without that thank you very much.
So somehow I just assumed I'd have a girl someday but never really gave it a ton of thought. Until the day that I was pregnant and going for the first ultrasound where we'd find out what we were having. Well that day they could only see the genetalia of one baby but not the other, and lo and behold I saw a big ol scrotum on the monitor! Whoa, stop the presses! I'm having a BOY?? OMG! My knees literally knocked the whole way home. Then afterward I convinced myself the second was probably a boy, too! What would I do with two boys??
A few weeks later we had another ultrasound and I could barely contain my excitement to see what the other baby was. But I noticed a little "concern" in the room between the tech and the radiologist. So when the radiologist came over to talk to us, I asked her what Baby A was. Her reply was brief and terse: "Baby A is a girl but there is a problem with Baby B". My heart just about sank to learn that my little boy that I was so scared of having had some of the markers for Down Syndrome.
When we left, DH tried to cheer me up by saying let's go look at some girl's clothes, but that was about the last thing I wanted to do. Instead I headed down to the bookstore at Harvard Medical School and started reading some radiology textbooks to try to figure out more of what was going on. All of a sudden I didn't care about boys and girls, I just cared about the health of my babies! To take it even further, I was offered further chromosomal testing and the option of abortion but was warned that if we aborted, I could lose both babies. Good grief! How naive I was to only be worried about gender initially! Needless to say, I continued the pregnancy but worried for the remainder about my little boy - every single day. And I was so relieved when he was born that he was perfectly healthy. (Although I had accepted the idea by then and knew we absolutely would've worked it out if he had had Down Syndrome.)
I did have a very complicated delivery and was half out of it for the first 24 hrs or so after their birth. I remember opening one eye and seeing the nurses teaching my husband how to care for the babies. I did get to hold them, but only briefly. Much more to that story, but fast forward to the next morning. I fed my son, and sort of awkwardly went to burp him. When I put him on my shoulder, he snuggled into my neck and it was like this feeling of utter warmth and love just came over me all of a sudden. I fell completely in love with him in that moment; it was one of the most profound things in my life, ever!
I actually did wonder why I ever worried about it in the first place too!I also figured out as he was growing up that parents really do play a big part in shaping behavior, so throwing rocks at animals was never something I had to worry about with DS as he was always a big softie for any animal; in fact, we tease him because the uglier an animal is, the better with him, lol. And he was just an all around good kid who of course had his moments, but was basically a pleasure to raise, and we're really proud of the young man he's become. (20 now.) I don't get to spend a lot of time with him too much anymore as he is very busy in his life stage, but we went to dinner and a movie as a family last weekend and we had a lot of fun, DS and I were racing up the stairs together laughing, and he walked beside me all the way out to the car as we were leaving, talking, joking, etc., all moments I still cherish. He makes a point of spending as much time with my mother as he can as she's 92 and I love that he does that. He'll go in and have breakfast with her sometimes or watch a ball game or movie with her, etc.
One special moment with him I'll never forget: When he was six years old I had cancer and lost all my hair. I'd explained to my kids that I would be bald, but have a wig, and we were all a little anxious about it. So the day I had my head shaved and came home with a wig on, DS came over to me. He asked me to take my wig off. I shied away at first and was like we'll do it later, etc., but he was really curious, so I finally took it off. With no hesitation and without even blinking an eye, he said, simply, "You look beautiful, Mom". Six years old.
Little boys do love their moms.OP it is all going to work out and once you meet your little boy you, too, will wonder why you ever worried. But in the meantime it is completely understandable why you might have these feelings. Don't worry about it. I really think that when we're pregnant we worry about certain things but those generally turn out to be the things that we really didn't have to worry about. Maybe it's our mind's way of focusing on something "small" other than bigger worries like work and finances and how we're going to manage it all, etc. Like Mother Nature's way of preparing us for what lies ahead, while protecting us and protecting the baby at the same time. I'm glad you reached out and am also glad you're getting so many great responses. Hang in there.
Edited to break into paragraphs
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