I'm posting this under an anonymous username because to be honest, I'm afraid to share these feelings with anyone in real life because they're making me feel awful. I'm pregnant, a first time mom, and just found out that we are having a perfectly healthy little boy. I know I should be thrilled, but I am having a really hard time. Obviously going into this pregnancy I knew you can't choose the gender of your child, and that it was just as likely we would have a boy as a girl. However, I always dreamed of having a daughter and when I imagined being a mom, I never realized that I didn't actually picture having a son. Our families are thrilled and so is my husband. I haven't said anything about this to anyone, because I know I should just be feeling grateful that he is healthy. However, I am having a really hard time imagining connecting with a son - I didn't have any close male friends or family members growing up, so in a way I guess I'm also just having a hard time thinking of what life is like with a little boy. I did everything with my mom - from errands, to cooking, movie nights, vacations - and perhaps irrationally, I'm worried I won't have that closeness with a boy. I'm worried my son and DH will be the best of friends and able to bond over sports, cars, etc (I know these are all stereotypes) and I will be left out. I find myself suddenly envious of all my friends with daughters, and want to cry walking through the baby girl section of Gap, Old Navy, etc. I haven't bought any clothes yet because I'm having such a hard time. Deep down I wish I was shopping for my daughter and it makes me feel miserable. I feel guilty for not being 100% thrilled. I know I will love this child unconditionally and my hope is that all of these feelings will disappear once I meet him. We do plan to have at least one more child so I know I may have a daughter someday, but I think I also need to prepared that I may never have one and that thought breaks my heart right now. Maybe a lot of this is hormones? This seems so silly, but I've even been looking through the Trip Report section looking for trip reports of families with sons, so I can remind myself of all the awesome things to come. This may seem like a very silly question, but did any other moms of sons feel like this when they found out the gender of their little ones? Can any moms of sons reassure me that I am being absolutely ridiculous, and their son is the best thing that ever happened to them? I want to believe these horrible thoughts and feelings will go away soon, because right now I feel like the worst mom in the world.