Moms of boys - please help! (Updated post #144)

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by boymom123, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. boymom123

    boymom123 Earning My Ears

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    I'm posting this under an anonymous username because to be honest, I'm afraid to share these feelings with anyone in real life because they're making me feel awful.

    I'm pregnant, a first time mom, and just found out that we are having a perfectly healthy little boy. I know I should be thrilled, but I am having a really hard time. Obviously going into this pregnancy I knew you can't choose the gender of your child, and that it was just as likely we would have a boy as a girl. However, I always dreamed of having a daughter and when I imagined being a mom, I never realized that I didn't actually picture having a son.

    Our families are thrilled and so is my husband. I haven't said anything about this to anyone, because I know I should just be feeling grateful that he is healthy. However, I am having a really hard time imagining connecting with a son - I didn't have any close male friends or family members growing up, so in a way I guess I'm also just having a hard time thinking of what life is like with a little boy. I did everything with my mom - from errands, to cooking, movie nights, vacations - and perhaps irrationally, I'm worried I won't have that closeness with a boy. I'm worried my son and DH will be the best of friends and able to bond over sports, cars, etc (I know these are all stereotypes) and I will be left out.

    I find myself suddenly envious of all my friends with daughters, and want to cry walking through the baby girl section of Gap, Old Navy, etc. I haven't bought any clothes yet because I'm having such a hard time. Deep down I wish I was shopping for my daughter and it makes me feel miserable. I feel guilty for not being 100% thrilled. I know I will love this child unconditionally and my hope is that all of these feelings will disappear once I meet him. We do plan to have at least one more child so I know I may have a daughter someday, but I think I also need to prepared that I may never have one and that thought breaks my heart right now. Maybe a lot of this is hormones?

    This seems so silly, but I've even been looking through the Trip Report section looking for trip reports of families with sons, so I can remind myself of all the awesome things to come.

    This may seem like a very silly question, but did any other moms of sons feel like this when they found out the gender of their little ones? Can any moms of sons reassure me that I am being absolutely ridiculous, and their son is the best thing that ever happened to them? I want to believe these horrible thoughts and feelings will go away soon, because right now I feel like the worst mom in the world.
     
  2. dclpluto

    dclpluto DIS Veteran

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    It’s not as likely that you will have a girl. On average 105 boys are born to 100 girls.
     
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  4. PrincessShmoo

    PrincessShmoo DIS veteran

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    I'm not going to tell you that you're being ridiculous. Certainly your feelings are valid. Not having a lot of male contact is grounds for feeling the way you do.

    I grew up in a, basically, "female" household, Mom, Dad, 3 girls and a female dog. My dad died when I was young, so then the household was totally female.

    I got married late in life, so I had qualms about what the male person inhabiting my space was going to mean.

    Like many things in life, learning about being parent (to girls or boys) is a "learn as you go" trial & error situation.

    We had 2 sons. I learned a lot about boys from both my husband and my sons. Neither of our sons did dad/son "let's go see the ball game, or work on the car" things. In fact, I wound up going to the football games with my husband. Our sons both played in the band.

    Just take a breath and enjoy the trip you are now on.
     
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  5. Mizzoufan

    Mizzoufan DIS Veteran

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    Do you have family that post on this board. If you do I would delete this post. They will figure out this is you and quick you can't hide how you feel. I be honest with and tell them how you are feeling. It's okay if this is how you are feeling. I wanted my son to be a girl so bad but it was okay. I wouldn't trade him for anything now even a girl.
     
  6. yoopermom

    yoopermom Come join Bravo by the fire...

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    We did not know our baby's gender ahead of time, but, honestly, I was relieved when it was a boy. He turns 23 tomorrow, and when I look back at how quickly those years go, I remember a boy who was happy go lucky, loved to have friends over, would eat us out of house and home from birth to well...now, who never wanted designer anything, who never had "drama" with his bestie, who might hug me out of the blue one minute and then run off to shoot a deer with his dad the next, who is really just a plain, simple, up front kid. He did not love both his parents equally at every stage in his life, but we each got our turn. I'm sure a girl would have been ok, but we wouldn't trade our boy for anything.

    Terri
     
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  7. LSUmiss

    LSUmiss DIS Veteran

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    I am pregnant now too & recently found out we are having a boy. I am also thrilled for some of the things you mentioned. We would have been happy with either, but, although I you never know, I am thrilled to hopefully avoid the drama. I know it’s not all girls, but all the ppl I know with girls have constant drama!
     
  8. Pamlur

    Pamlur <font color="green">newbies DO get tags!!</font>

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    When I had my babies, you found out their sex at birth. I already had a little girl, my husband's family was 98% girl babies with only one boy, so I was dead certain I was having another girl. Surprise! 8# of blue-eyed baby boy! He was the most loving little boy, big boy, and young man you could imagine; he had a heart as big as he was, and he was a big man. I love him with all my heart, and I miss him with every breath. Your baby boy will steal your heart, I promise.
     
  9. boymom123

    boymom123 Earning My Ears

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    Fair enough - approximately 50/50. ;)

    I grew up in a female household too, I think that might be at the root of what I'm feeling now. I suppose I will have the chance to learn about boys now - honestly, a lot of my assumptions are probably based on TV shows, movies etc. rather than real boys and men. It sounds silly, but it's true!

    No family that post here, but everybody is so so happy that I think they'd think I've lost my mind. After so many girls they're all excited for a baby boy. I'm glad to hear you wouldn't change a thing now and I hope I end up feeling that way too.

    Your son and family sound awesome. Thanks for posting, that's exactly the kind of thing I was hoping to hear.
     
  10. NYCgrrl

    NYCgrrl DIS Veteran

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    In my day you didn't know what the gender was until you had the child and I convinced self I was only going to have girls, like my mother, and her mother before her. Hadn't even picked out a boy's name the first time out:lmao:

    Surprise! All boys, LOL.

    Learned a lot about the male gender as my boys grew up and never sent them back to the Land of Wild Ravening Wolves that they seemed to descend from at times.
    Also learned that there's an excellent possibility you will love them because/despite their gender.
    Your body and mind are absorbing a lot of new changes right now. Try and focus on the known good and everything should fall into place.
    Should your feelings/fears expand confide in your husband and tell your medico about your concerns.
    Stay well and congratulations!
     
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  11. runwad

    runwad Dis Veteran

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    I get ya OP. I was never a boy person, couldn't stand little boys, they are always so silly and rambunctious. We have 3 kids, the first one was a girl, the second I was sure was a boy and when I found out it was a girl I was so happy. The third one was a boy. I didn't know it till I had him and I cried. My sisters thought I was terrible for being upset with having a boy, but I thought it would be so nice to have 3 girls. I couldn't have a boy, I don't like little boys.

    Well he was a handful, not bad, just very ornery. But he's also the light of my life, shh don't tell his sisters. He's got a great sense of humor and always keeps me laughing. And he's so loving. There is nothing like a little boys love. He's 17 and he still comes up and hugs me all the time.

    Don't feel bad for your feelings, they'll change when your little man gets here and steals your heart, I guarantee it!! Good luck with your pregnancy.
     
  12. LSUmiss

    LSUmiss DIS Veteran

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  13. Planogirl

    Planogirl I feel the nerd in me stirring

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    I had just one child and that was a boy. I couldn't be happier. He has always been a lot of fun and very affectionate. We did plenty together and that might not have true if I'd had a girl. You never know.
     
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  14. boymom123

    boymom123 Earning My Ears

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    Just wanted to say thank you to everyone sharing so far. I was a little afraid of the possible reactions to this post, but thank you for being so kind and supportive. Reading these responses has my heart feeling a little lighter tonight.
     
  15. Southernmiss

    Southernmiss I am hazed everyday

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    Mom of 3 boys. All are different and unique. I remember when the oldest was born. Dh whisked him away to be weighed, checked out and bathed. I was wprried in that moment we wouldn't bond. Silly me. There were so many other little moments for us to connect.

    I remember when I was pregnant with ds
    #2. I woke up worried to death one night because the crib we had for oldest ds
    was a convertible bed and he was sleeping in it. Dh was like 'Duh, we'll get a 2nd bed.'

    These 2 boys are now 23 and 20. They have a 18 year old brother.

    When I was pregnant with #4, the ultra sound showed the baby was a girl. I was sure after 3 boys, we were destined to another one. Would I be able to raise a girl in a house of boys?

    Thing is, life and pregnancy can be a roller coaster. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Boys and girls are different and wonderful. Just as each child is different. You will see your son and wonder why you were ever afraid.
     
  16. 1Mouse2RulethemAll

    1Mouse2RulethemAll DIS Veteran

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    I hear ya OP and you will be okay. My first two are girls and after trying to have another child for 6 years, we had a boy. He is so different from his sisters. He is such a momma's boy. He just wants to literally hang of my back all the time. He is affectionate and wants to be with me 24/7. My girls are a lot more independent, to the point they don't hang with me as much.
     
  17. zoo2tycoon

    zoo2tycoon DIS Veteran

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    I have two sons 22 and almost 21. I wouldn’t trade them for anything! I had a miscarriage prior to my first son and one in between my boys. I was told I was having a miscarriage with my second son and thankfully my doctor didn’t believe in D&C...two weeks later they saw heartbeat. I was also told he was a girl but just had feeling he was a boy! Each day I’m thankful for my healthy wonderful sons- they are far from perfect as nobody is.

    I have a strong bond with both my sons but it is different with each one. I like to think my angel babies watch over them-

    Once you hold your son for the first time you will experience unconditional love for him.
     
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  18. cyndiloveswalt

    cyndiloveswalt DIS Veteran

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    I have 2 boys. One is 19 and one is almost 14. We did not find out what we were having. I actually wanted a boy the first time but of course had I a choice the second would have been a daughter.
    As soon as you hold that sweet bundle this will all pass.
    My boys are the best! And they are and have always been mama boys (as well as the boy dog in our family)
    My oldest left for college this year and I can’t tell you how fast that came and how incredibly hard it was to let go!
    Boys are messy and stinky and have selective hearing just like their dads. They also can’t seem to ever find anything! But they are also sweet and funny and honest and go out of their way to find you just to give you a kiss or hug. They call or text you every night from college to say goodnight and I love you. They will protect you fiercely and no one will ever hold a place in their heart like their mom will (not even their Dad)
    Enjoy every exhausting minute!
     
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  19. katie01

    katie01 DIS Veteran

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    Before I had kids, when I pictured being a mom, I always imagined having girls. Reading books like Little Women and Anne of Green Gables with them, going shopping, and having that great mother-daughter relationship. When I found out our first child was a boy, I wasn't disappointed, I was surprised though. I just remember having a feeling of wonder, like, "Really? A boy? I can make a boy?" lol

    I figured our son would be loud and full of energy like most boys I knew (I'm an introvert and need quiet down time), and that he'd love football like DH and his family. I wondered if I'd feel left out of their relationship. It hasn't been like that at all though. DS does have "typical" boy interests like video games, long bike trips (I prefer short ones) and archery and things like that that he shares with DH (I'm not saying girls don't do those things too, of course they can/do), but he has as much interest in football as I do (zero). He makes a lot less noise around the house than my daughters do, so so much for the worries about all the noise boys make :) He is an avid piano player, I love playing the piano too, while DH is the first to admit he himself can't carry a tune in a bucket. So DS and I bond over that, as well as our similar views on the world. DS is one of the kindest people I know, and being his mom is one of the best things that ever happened to me (marrying DH and raising my other two kids are the other best things :) ) It is true that DS hates shopping, and has no interest in my Little Women or Anne of Green Gables books lol, but we find plenty to talk about and have a great time when we hang out. And my next two kids were girls, so I get to have that mother-daughter relationship I imagined as well. But I have to say there is a lot less drama raising DS than DDs! I love them all equally, and I am glad I get to experience being a mom of both a boy and girls. You are in for a wonderful adventure raising a son too, I hope you love it every bit as much as I do!
     
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  20. mom2rtk

    mom2rtk Bring Back MARIE!

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    Sometimes the unknown is a scary thing. I was pretty sure I wanted a girl. When the sonogram said it was a boy the first time all I could think was what am I supposed to do with a boy? I was mentally prepared for a girl. Then I got pregnant again and the sonogram said it was a boy again. We only planned to have two so that was the end of the line for a girl. So I was a little bit sad. Mostly at the prospect of never getting to experience a girl. Fast forward about 5 years and we decided to have one more. This time the sonographer said it's a girl. And I said a girl? What am I supposed to do with a girl? You see by that point the boy thing was very familiar and I was not sure about the uncharted territory of having a girl.

    Ultimately they are their own people. It's more about who they are than what they are. And don't worry you'll be fine once your son arrives. He'll teach you how to love a boy. He'll teach you a lot more too.
     
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  21. mnrose

    mnrose Queen of all she surveys

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    I can tell you this....girl drama is way hard to deal with when they are teens. LOL. My son is MUCH easier to manage as a teen than my daughter. When I was first pregnant, and didn't know what I was having just that it was twins, I said "one of each would be perfect, but please God, not two girls." :P

    It will be fine. Once your son is born, you will quickly learn that it doesn't matter at all.
     
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