Mom's in a wheelchair?

[Katiebug]

Hello,

My parents have recently decided to join us on our trip to Disney World in two weeks. I think it will be an excellent opportunity for them to spend some quality "magic" time with their two granddaughters! I am very excited and happy that they are both able to come.

However, as our trip approaches, my mother is more and more apprehensive. She is overweight and on top of that has a bad ankle. She is not able to walk long distances and does walk very slowly.

At first, I thought, no problem Mom, we'll rent you a wheelchair if you get tired or if your bad foot starts to act up. Ever since I mentioned this it has scared her even more. She is afraid that people will stare or make fun of her somehow if she is in a wheelchair. I have been reading these boards which has also made me kind of nervous about how disabled people are treated.

I really want my mother to come with us on this trip. I don't want her to die of a heart attack from exhaustion - or die from the shame of being the "fat lady" in a wheelchair.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,
Jennifer

 

[SueM in MN]

Welcome to disABILITIES.
At WDW, you will probably see the most people using wheelchairs or ecvs of almost anywhere in the world. One thing you have to remember is that most people are nice - but the ones you remember are the few who are not. In all our trips to WDW over the last 15 years with a daughter using a wheelchair, we have had a handfull of bad experiences, but we remember them, because they hurt.
Some of the "negative" comments come from people who think that because there is a wheelchair, there is a lot of special treatment that goes along with it. That was true 15 years ago, but now all a wheelchair gets you is a plce to sit. The people who think you get perks they are not getting are jealous. And instead of just being happy they don't need to use a wheelchair, some of them say hurtful things.
The majority of people won't even notice your mom. A curious thing about using a wheelchair is that the person using it feels like everyone is watching them, but to the other people, they are nearly invisible.

Try to get her to think of a wheelchair (or an ecv, if she feels more independent) as a tool to help her spread her energy thru the whole day so that she can enjoy herself. You know she needs it, and she knows she needs it, so if someone who has never seen her before is trying to make judgements, they have no right, no knowledge and reason.

There are some who will try anyway. We overheard someone look at our DD sitting on a bench next to her wheelchair, with her legs crossed, swinging her top leg. The person commented to someone else "Look at that cheater. She doesn't need that wheelchair." Well, the wheelchair is an obviously custom wheelchair with a custom seat (they whole thing cost over $5,000) and it is used by a child who can't stand or walk, can't get out of her wheelchair by herself and can't even cross her leg by herself. Swinging it is about the limit of what she can do with it.
That just gives you an idea of what sorts of idiots are out there making judgements and comments about people using wheelchairs. So, keep in mind that your family know what the needs are, and, in the end, you are the only ones who have a right to an opinion. A wheelchair or ecv will certainly make your vacation more enjoyable and less stressful for everyone.
Have fun.

 

[Katiebug]

Dear Sue,

Thank you for your endearing comments and encouragement! I feel better now.

My DH and I spend one week during the summer at a camp for the physically and mentally disabled. I know how mean people and surprisingly kids can be. We learned first hand when we took our group of kids (4) to the movies or McDonalds! For example, at the movies a little boy came up to me and pointed to my daughter Katie, who is 3 and not disabled, and said, "What's wrong with her? She looks normal!"

I was so angry at this little boy and even more angry that his parents would promote his negative thinking! Instead I calmly told him, "I don't know what you mean honey, we're all normal!"

I know negative experiences stick out in your mind, however, I admit that I can also think of many people that we met in public that were very friendly too. Just stopping and saying hi seemed to mean so much to them!

I will keep my fingers crossed that nothing horrible is said to my mother while on our trip - because I love her - and I want her to have as good a time as everybody else! DisneyWorld is supposed to be the happiest place on earth - after all.

Thanks again. Hope you and your dd have many more wonderful trips to DisneyWorld!

Jennifer

 

[SueM in MN]

Glad to help.
Now, if I could only get my FIL to listen to me.
He has bad hips and knees and it is painful to even watch him get up, sit down or walk. Over the past 10 years, he has gone from "I see lots of people with those carts (ecvs)" to "Maybe, I'll think about renting one of those carts" to "I'm thinking of renting one" to (last March) "I'm seriously thinking of renting one." So, at least we are moving in the right direction. Meantime though, there are things he hasn't seen in years in the parks because they are too far of a walk from the front. And, even though we stay together with them in a villa at OKW, we only see them in the parks when we run into them because they don't want to slow us down.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

You might also (gently) hint to your mother than her being in a wheelchair or ECV will make the trip more enjoyable for everyone else in the group, as they will not be held back by her.
However, I would also suggest that if nobody in your group has experience is long-term wheelchir pushing that she give more consideration to use of an ECV. It is not as easy as it looks, and there are lots of hills that you don't notice when just walking.

If she has never used an ECV have her try one in a large grocery store. Note that the rental ECVs are smaller than the ones in the stores and are MUCH easier to drive and maneuver. The rental places have standard ECVs that can handle up to 300 pounds and larger ones that can go to 450 pounds.

The problem we find more than people being nasty is that as soon as a person gets in either a wheelchair or ECV they become invisible.

 

[videogal1]

Well said!