Mom in Hospital since March

[tinagirl]

My mom has been in the hospital since March.

She has type 2 diabetes, chronic liver failure, and oddly enough, we were fine until March. Yes, she had to do dialysis twice a week which made her weak and tired, but she was still living.

In March, she took a tumble off of a sidewalk and broke her knee. Unfortunately, due to the diabetes, she's had 4 surgeries, and her knee still isn't fully healed.

Her doctor thinks she should be walking by now, but she refuses to do her exercises, and doesn't have any gumption to really apply herself at her physical therapy. Her doctor says she should definitely be willing to walk again, but she's convinced herself that she'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, so she's tracking down that path.


I've tried giving her books, games, things to take her mind off the fact that she can't walk, for the times that she has to be in bed, but she made me take it all back, saying that she didn't want it.

Now, she just lays in bed all day long watching tv. She doesn't get a lot of socialization with others, (they recently started forcing her to eat lunch out in the patio with the rest of the people in the extended care unit), but she has pretty much given up on living.

I don't know what to do or how to inspire her. I'm an only child, with no dad and her sister, while trying to visit once in a while, is unable to really be a sounding board.

On top of this, her care is $10,400 per month. She's pretty much burned through all of her retirement money, and she is only 59. In January, I'll have to do Medicaid intake if she doesn't snap out of her funk, and sell the house so that Medicaid will pay for her care for the rest of her life. (Medicaid requires that the participant only have $2000 in total assets).

She keeps saying that all she wants to do is go home, but now her care facility is saying that they've started to see short term memory loss (likely due to her not keeping her brain socially active, or engaging it) and they fear that she may not ever be able to go home, even if a miracle of money occurred.

I don't know what I'm exactly praying for. It seems like a silly thing to pray for money.


I guess I'm looking for some prayers for her to get excited, or feel driven. So that she wants to live again. I wanted her to be there when I got married, or had kids, but now, at 59, she's basically slowly killing herself by not doing what the doctors want.

I'm at a loss, and guess I just needed to vent.

Thanks so much for all of your support
-Tina

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Tina Has your mother had a psychiatric and/or geriatric evaluation?

 

[quasar4legs]

Hi Tina,

Sending both you and your mum a big hug

Pea-n-me asked a good question, I was also wondering if your mum has been diagnosed with depression or another psychiatric condition.
Dealing with so many physical problems can not be easy for your mum and I am sure it is a great worry to you.

Take care
Quasar

 

[Hillbeans]

So sorry to hear about this. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts. I didn't realize how emotionally (and physically) hard it is to be a caregiver to someone at home or who has been in the hospital for months until I was in a similar situation. My MIL was in the hospital, now Hospice since October and the strain of visiting the Hospital for months at a time and seeing your young loved one just sitting around is very emotionally draining. It obviously isn't easy for them either, i'm not trying to minimize that your mom is the patient.

Stay strong, and take care of yourself too.

 

[tinagirl]

My mom hasn't had a psychiatric evaluation just yet. She refuses to do it of her own volition, even though I have asked her multiple times.

I only have power of attorney for her finances at this point, and I can't make her meet with a doctor, so far as I know.

I'm fairly certain she does have depression. It runs in my family, and I was diagnosed with depression in 2004. I took medicine for a while, got exercising, and was able to get off of the depression meds safely, so long as I was active. I have an active prescription should I need it.

For her, however, she has a stigma in her head about "not being crazy".

I wish I could get through to her that she is in charge of her own fate. She's trying to make herself out to be a martyr to friends who visit... with the "woe is me" stuff.

I keep praying that she'll just be receptive to advice and directions given by her doctors. She was always into "new age" stuff, and thinks that traditional medicine is a farce, so when she started getting bruising on her skin due to lack of protein (she wasn't eating the food they gave her), they had to give her a liquid protein supplement, and she still refused to drink that. Now they have had to sneak protein powder into her in other ways (mixing it in mashed potatoes, etc...).

Unfortunately, the whole reason that she has kidney failure is because she 1.) didn't take her diabetes medication 2.) Got on the adkins diet and did it for almost 2 years consecutively. She did lose a lot of weight, but since her body was limited in folate, her kidney lost productivity rapidly.

It's so frustrating!

Thank you so much for your support! And Hillbeans, my prayers are with you.