Missing my grandmother

[SevrenLuna]

I was sitting in back room of my grandmother’s house this weekend looking through a ton of old photos I had never seen before. Seeing her with all four of her children in Germany in the early 60’s. Posing with her “look-a-like cousin” on a road trip to Mexico in late 70’s, and holding her first grandbabies in early 80’s. She had beautiful smile… and I started to cry. You see, we laid her to rest on Friday, June 8th, 2012.

I was sad, I am sad. Even though we knew her time was coming it still hits me very hard. We lost my grandfather five years earlier, and even though the lost was profound I still had her. I still had grandma. I could not remember a time when I entered her house and she was not there. She was never out at the store. She was never out for a walk. Somehow, she just was always magically there yelling ‘is that my baby, come and give your grandma some sugar’ from the sofa in her front room. I will always attest to the fact that my sister and I were blessed to have two grandparents who loved their grandchildren beyond reason or belief. And we will always be richer for this fact.

I have to admit, I have unfortunately experienced quite a bit of loss in my short 29 years. That is the cost of being among the youngest in a big family. You love big and in the end you lose them as well. But Ann and Robert Richardson were special. They were just ours (me and my sisters’) for 14 years. We were their only grandchildren and they never let it go by without letting us know. We were special to them and they cared for us without want or expectation. They loved us just because we existed. I think all grandparents feel this way about their grandchild, and all grandchildren love their grandparents for the same reason.

I find my mind going back to the summers we spent with her in Texas. We would spend days even weeks playing dress up with her fabulous clothes and hats. Taking trips to base to see grandpa or shop at the BX, or just riding around her larger than life Cadillac. No parents, just grandma, my sister and I. These are among the happiest memories I have. Period. Purely b/c grandma was just that. Grandma. She would do anything for her babies and we had a blast. This is what brings tears to my eyes. I will never her that voice again. Never fell that hug or have her cooking. Never sit and paint our toe nails while she tells me about her childhood in Mississippi. I will miss all of these things and countless others. I know she has gone on to be with her one true love and her little boy; but for those she has left behind I hope to live my life in a way that continues to makes her proud. Just like her last words to me. “I am so proud of you baby girl, you are a beautiful person from the inside out”.

So as I struggle to get through this time with my family I find myself her on the boards…. my happy places. I never really post, but I love to read everyone else’s, even the idle chatter. Just the presence of the people in this community brings smiles to my face and not tears to my eyes. I want to thank everyone here for being who you are. You never really know how much just your existence helps others heal.

 

[smitch425]

I was sitting in back room of my grandmother’s house this weekend looking through a ton of old photos I had never seen before. Seeing her with all four of her children in Germany in the early 60’s. Posing with her “look-a-like cousin” on a road trip to Mexico in late 70’s, and holding her first grandbabies in early 80’s. She had beautiful smile… and I started to cry. You see, we laid her to rest on Friday, June 8th, 2012.

I was sad, I am sad. Even though we knew her time was coming it still hits me very hard. We lost my grandfather five years earlier, and even though the lost was profound I still had her. I still had grandma. I could not remember a time when I entered her house and she was not there. She was never out at the store. She was never out for a walk. Somehow, she just was always magically there yelling ‘is that my baby, come and give your grandma some sugar’ from the sofa in her front room. I will always attest to the fact that my sister and I were blessed to have two grandparents who loved their grandchildren beyond reason or belief. And we will always be richer for this fact.

I have to admit, I have unfortunately experienced quite a bit of loss in my short 29 years. That is the cost of being among the youngest in a big family. You love big and in the end you lose them as well. But Ann and Robert Richardson were special. They were just ours (me and my sisters’) for 14 years. We were their only grandchildren and they never let it go by without letting us know. We were special to them and they cared for us without want or expectation. They loved us just because we existed. I think all grandparents feel this way about their grandchild, and all grandchildren love their grandparents for the same reason.

I find my mind going back to the summers we spent with her in Texas. We would spend days even weeks playing dress up with her fabulous clothes and hats. Taking trips to base to see grandpa or shop at the BX, or just riding around her larger than life Cadillac. No parents, just grandma, my sister and I. These are among the happiest memories I have. Period. Purely b/c grandma was just that. Grandma. She would do anything for her babies and we had a blast. This is what brings tears to my eyes. I will never her that voice again. Never fell that hug or have her cooking. Never sit and paint our toe nails while she tells me about her childhood in Mississippi. I will miss all of these things and countless others. I know she has gone on to be with her one true love and her little boy; but for those she has left behind I hope to live my life in a way that continues to makes her proud. Just like her last words to me. “I am so proud of you baby girl, you are a beautiful person from the inside out”.

So as I struggle to get through this time with my family I find myself her on the boards…. my happy places. I never really post, but I love to read everyone else’s, even the idle chatter. Just the presence of the people in this community brings smiles to my face and not tears to my eyes. I want to thank everyone here for being who you are. You never really know how much just your existence helps others heal.