MIL vent!

[jasnal]

hey yall....i needed to vent and to get yalls opinion so i decided to post this....my rehearsal dinner is at Jikos....we decided this a long long time ago....my MIL looked at the menu and was very excited about it (she saw the prices and everything) and said she was fine with this choice (which my DF picked by the way)....Now we are three weeks away and she told my DF that this place is too expensive...he told her we already did the invitations and so she asked if we could get a selected menu....well i called jikos and they told me you have to spend a minimum of 1500 to have a selected menu so my MIL said no to that and now she wants me to tell our guests 1) not to order any appitizers (she is going to order 2 tastes of Africa instead) or alcoholic beverages 2) not to order the filet (since it is the most expensive item on the menu) 3)not to order any dessert (I am having a grooms cake at the rehearsal dinner which my family paid for)
I can understand why she doesnt want anyone to order appitizers or deserts but I dont think it would be polite to say dont order any desserts or appetizers to our guests!! and to top that off most of my family doesnt eat red meat so i am not about to tell the rest of the guests that they cannon order the filet!!! What do I do????? Should I appease my FMIL or should I tell her that it would be rude....I hate confrontation and I usually just go with whatever everyone else wants but I dont know what to do in this situation?..

 

[dmslush]

You probably need to enlist the help of your DF. He needs to be the one discussing this with his mother, and he needs to tell her that there is NO way that you can tell your guests what to order and what not to order.

 

[mla1977]

IMO I don't necessarily think that having the guests not order appetizers or desserts is rude. My DM gave me a surprise birthday party this year and she made arrangements with the restaurant for appetizers and brought a cake. Granted that this was done at a local restaurant, but I think it makes ordering easier for everyone. As for the filet, I think that she should suck it up and pay for that if anyone orders it.

Without being rude to your guests, you can probably call ahead with the appetizers. Then, when everyone gets there, tell them that appetizers are on the way and that they can select an entree and that you have the cake for dessert. I think selecting an entree will satisfy anyone's needs to be able to select when they eat.

Oh yeah. For my birthday, my mother also preselected wines for the table and purchased a certain number of bottles for the tables. Assuming everyone drinks wine, that should help her keep the costs down.

 

[shezfrombermuda]

Wow! I agree with dmslush. I would ask your DF to speak to his mother. There is no way you can hand your guests a menu and then say "oh no you can't order an appetizer, you can't have beer..........etc......

I am not sure how many guests you have but would it work out in your favour if you had the selected menu?

 

[jasnal]

we are having 20 guests

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

thats pretty cruddy of her to say go ahead with it & at the last minute tell you NO....she should have to stick with what she agreed to, but.........

the idea of ordering the appetizers in advance isnt a bad idea along with the wine selction....id try that

as for the filet....yeah ...some people out there hear that someone else is paying & they go for the expensive stuff, but if half your family doesnt eat red meat...i wouldnt say anything.

DF needs to help you on this one...i hope it works out!!

 

[wendy46001]

Why not try and meet her half way....say you'll pre order apps...but you wont limit the guests...Also make alcohol a per person thing....

We did Ohanas so it was easier...but we told the waitress that any alcohol would be up to the individual....and casually spread the word to the guests....No one seemed to mind

With 20 people i don’t think anyone will go crazy...but i don’t think you should limit the menu...If you ltell them no appetizers I think more people will opt for a salad and then you will end up with the same priced bill

 

[disprincessatheart]

I like the pre-ordered apps and then letting everyone know you've got a special dessert coming. I have to say, I can't imagine too many people would order an appetizer knowing that it's a group dinner - or maybe it's just that I wouldn't order an appetizer or dessert in a situation like that unless the host/hostess suggested I should.

The only thing I wouldn't do is the "no filet" thing. Sounds like you wouldn't have too many people selecting that anyway, and FMIL can deal if a couple of people choose it.

 

[Tabetha]

Well, since she's hosting the dinner, she should HOST the dinner. If she wants to restrict what people can order, she should take the reins and tell them when you all get to the restaurant...

That leaves you able to sheepishly to look the other way while she deals with it with whatever tact she can muster...

She can arrive early, speak to the maitre'd and server about the apps, and then tell the guests as they arrive that appetizers are on the way. Towards the end of the meal, she can also make the rounds with "I hope you saved room for dessert, we've got something fun arranged".

But really. It's her issue to handle. Just my opinion.

 

[aprincess72]

My inlaws did not want to pay for alcohol either so we had that put on a seperate bill and paid it ourselves. We also pre-ordered appetizers to have brought out when the guests arrived.
It only ended up costing us $80 after our DDE discount so it wasn't that big of a deal. I am like you and did not want to have to tell people what not to order!
Also, we had some people order inexpensive items and other ordered expensive ones so it really averaged out about what we expected per person.
As some others have suggested I would advise you have your DF speak with her.

 

[Mousermom]

I don't know if this is allowed, but, why don't you get a copy of the full menu and sit down with MIL and you fiancee and pick out the things on the menu that she is willing to pay for. Then, print up a menu with the selected items and put it on each place setting. You could also write on your "personalized" menu what appetizers MIL has pre-selected (taste of Africa) and also print on the menu that you are having a cash bar. This way, your guests will know what they can pick from and they can have a souvinier to bring home from the event. You can print them out on your computer with a Disney font with pictures of Disney Characters on them. Just a suggestion on making the best of a bad situation. Take it from me, nip the MIL situation in the bud now. I've been married for 13 years and my MIL and I still do not get along because of little situations like this.

All the best to you,
Mousermom

 

[dmslush]

OP, I was just rereading your post and noticed that you said that your MIL was planning on ordering two taste of africa appetizers. I don't know if that will be enough for 20 people. DF ordered that on our last trip, and there wasn't really all that much to it.

 

[jasnal]

thanks for all the great advice everyone....i agree that im okay with the apps and the dessert...i think the preordered app and the announcement of "something special at the end of the meal" will deter our guests from ordering apps or dessert....I really hope i can come to a compromise about the filet...I like the idea about making our own mendus typed up and taking it to the restaurant (thats really cute.) If its okay with the restaurant that might be a good suggestion.