Mid-weekend update

[MerryPoppins]

I've been thinking since my last post. Would she be receptive to boxing things she doesn't want and putting them in the garage? That would save you the cost of the storage facility and you could agree to pick up a couple of boxes every week until you have sifted through everything. She may even like for you to spend a couple of hours going through them with her every week? That way she could go ahead and finish doing what she wants to the office and you would be sure she wasn't getting rid of something you'd want to keep. Just a thought on a compromise.

 

[delswife]

A lesson I learned when we went through this was try not to do anything drastic or major in the first 6 months. You and your family have been through a terrible shock and you’ll need time to heal.

Talk to some area storage centers. Under some circumstances they will give you a reduced rate. Get the things that are upsetting your mom out of the house. Later when you find the strength you can deal with it. It is not a priority to go through his belongings right now.

Right now, these things are giving you and your family pain, later they will bring you comfort.

I promise you that, Tammi.

Also talk to your employer about taking a leave of absence from work. You need time away from stress right now.

Another important thing is to try to break your routine as much as you can. Go some place else to have your oil changed or anywhere else you have profound memories of your dad for right now. Give your brain some different things to think about.

School is an excellent thing for you right now. Lots of variety to keep your brain busy. Stay strong with that.

I understand what you are going through with your mom. My mom also went ‘insane’ for a while too. We went to get burgers one day and when they guy asked if she wanted ice in her soda, she freaked out. “I can’t make anymore decisions!” she screamed at the kid.

She got ice.

It will get better, but it will take time.

Your mom is hurting, we all understand that. You and your family continue to be in my prayers, my friend.

Love ya, mean it.

 

[Rajah]

Thanks, y'all. Again, I'm sorry I've been venting about my mom so much, and I really appreciate how understanding y'all have been both with her (or what I'm relaying, anyway) and with me.

We'll see how her first day back home full-time goes. She's going to call me tomorrow when she gets home and whenever she needs to talk. Right now, after having had a "down day" (as in relax / take a break, not depressed), I feel like I could go through some more stuff again if I had to. We'll see if I have to or not. ( Well, I know I'll have to -- at work at least).

I'm going to see how the next few days go. If she continues to be in "movethingsgetridofstufftakethishomenow" mode, I will talk to DH about either getting a storage place temporarily, or about moving the boxes to *our* garage (not enough room in hers -- that's another thing we're going to have to tackle in a month or two when mom's brother and nephew come back out again). I don't know why I didn't think of that. (Okay, yeah I did -- kinda not in my right mind or "operating on all thrusters" at the moment ).

As for taking a leave from work... really, I've taken all the time I want to take at the moment, even though I'm not anxious to go back. If I try to take much more, then I won't be able to take the time in May/June when we want to go up to Colorado to bury my dad's remains, or in June when DH goes to Switzerland for his conference. I'm *hoping* to go with him on that one, but with how Montreal and Hawaii both have fallen through, I'm not holding my breath. Anyway, if I take any more personal time, I won't have time for those two things. If I take any vacation time, I won't have time for those two things. The company only gives 5 days of bereavement time for something like this (that is totally rediculous. Who can possibly have everything *done* that needs to be done in this kind of situation in 5 days???) and I'm well past that. If I take an excused leave, it's at best at a reduced wage. At worst, it's unpaid. And right now, we *need* that money, because we're supporting both us and my mom at the moment until the insurance and retirements and such come through. Which should be another 2-3 weeks at the least. So a leave isn't a very viable option at the moment. Not if I can handle going back to work. If I get there and find I just can't handle it, I'll be talking to the 2-levels-up boss to find out what my other options are while still keeping May at the *least* available.

And Wobin -- as for someday taking comfort from items that were my dad's... I'm already getting that. I put up some of my favorites of his collectibles here in our house, and while it's bittersweet to look at them, there *is* the "sweet" part of "bittersweet". Hopefully someday things will change so the sweet is much stronger than the bitter.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Everything you said sounds very reasonable. I think you are doing a great job.

Hang in there. Remember that there will be good days and ones that aren't so great, but overall the pain will not be as sharp as time goes by.

I think getting back to work will be very hard, but if you can take it moment by moment and day by day, I think you'll get past it. You'll have painful moments, but I want to give you some credit. You are strong. You can do this.

We're always here if you need a shoulder. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.