MARTHA STEWART RECRUITING LOOK-ALIKES
As Indictment Nears, Prowls Connecticut for Diva Doubles
With a possible indictment on obstruction of justice charges seemingly imminent, domestic diva Martha Stewart has stepped up her recruitment of look-alikes in recent days, intelligences sources reveal.
It is Ms. Stewart's hope, according to those sources, to find someone who looks enough like her to take the fall for her in an eventual criminal trial.
Ms. Stewart was seen driving what some called "a terrifying-looking Hummer" down the streets of Westport, Connecticut yesterday, apparently on the lookout for preppy middle-aged bottle-blondes who could fill in for her in the witness box.
According to eyewitnesses, the embattled CEO pulled at least twenty such women off the street, sometimes grabbing them as they were on their way into Starbucks or Talbots.
"She appears to be having a great deal of success in finding these look-alikes, because half the women in Westport look like Martha Stewart already," one intelligence source said.
Once recruited, the look-alikes undergo what has been termed a "torturous" training program in entertaining, flower arrangement, gardening, and decoupage at Ms. Stewart's estate on Georgica Pond in East Hampton.
"She also trains them to be abusive to the people who work for them," the source said. "Once again, many of these Westport women already seem to have some experience in this area."
Kelly Pringle, a local resident who witnessed the abduction of a Stewart look-alike outside a J. Crew store in Westport yesterday, said that Ms. Stewart appeared to have been armed.
"I don't know if it was a gun or a glue-gun, but I was very, very scared," Ms. Pringle said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
As Indictment Nears, Prowls Connecticut for Diva Doubles
With a possible indictment on obstruction of justice charges seemingly imminent, domestic diva Martha Stewart has stepped up her recruitment of look-alikes in recent days, intelligences sources reveal.
It is Ms. Stewart's hope, according to those sources, to find someone who looks enough like her to take the fall for her in an eventual criminal trial.
Ms. Stewart was seen driving what some called "a terrifying-looking Hummer" down the streets of Westport, Connecticut yesterday, apparently on the lookout for preppy middle-aged bottle-blondes who could fill in for her in the witness box.
According to eyewitnesses, the embattled CEO pulled at least twenty such women off the street, sometimes grabbing them as they were on their way into Starbucks or Talbots.
"She appears to be having a great deal of success in finding these look-alikes, because half the women in Westport look like Martha Stewart already," one intelligence source said.
Once recruited, the look-alikes undergo what has been termed a "torturous" training program in entertaining, flower arrangement, gardening, and decoupage at Ms. Stewart's estate on Georgica Pond in East Hampton.
"She also trains them to be abusive to the people who work for them," the source said. "Once again, many of these Westport women already seem to have some experience in this area."
Kelly Pringle, a local resident who witnessed the abduction of a Stewart look-alike outside a J. Crew store in Westport yesterday, said that Ms. Stewart appeared to have been armed.
"I don't know if it was a gun or a glue-gun, but I was very, very scared," Ms. Pringle said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
