Marseeya's counting points again (comments welcome)

[Marseeya]

Well, after saying that I'd go on a diet as a New Year resolution, I finally signed up for Weight Watchers online today. Better late than never, right?

I don't know why, but I just couldn't get myself excited about it, or even the least bit motivated. I mean, I am very unhappy with my weight. I'm concerned about my health, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a job next year when I graduate from grad school. I'm afraid that I'm an embarrassment to my kids. But none of that makes me want it bad enough. I just couldn't find my motivator!

I can't even believe I'm admitting this, but my motivation came from the weirdest place this morning. I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend I had, and the dream kind of recreated the early days of our relationship. However, in the dream I was fat, instead of thin like I was during the real relationship. In the dream, he was pretty disgusted with me, and then I became disgusted with myself and decided I was going to do whatever it takes to get him back, so by the time I woke up from the dream, I was wanting to lose weight.

In reality, I have no such motivating factor. I have a wonderful husband who loves me just the way I am and wouldn't care if I stayed this weight forever. Maybe that's part of my problem -- I need him to want to see me in a different light. Maybe it's shallow of me to think that way, but I just want to be sexy to somebody again. I have a hard time believing him when he says that he finds me attractive, because nobody else does.

So, I explained that all to him, and he wasn't at all bothered by my motives. I signed up for WW Online and counted points today. Unfortunately, our scales broke, so I had to guess my starting weight, but I'll find out what it is tomorrow.

One day down, thousands more to go.

 

[Marseeya]

I did alright yesterday, just half a point under my daily limit.

I wish I would have eased into this diet a little more. It's so hard going from not counting points and eating everything I want, to having to weigh, measure, and use portion control. I'd forgotten how many points were in a stupid little piece of cheese. It's also going to be tough to remember not to drink so many points in a day. I wouldn't even give a thought to grabbing a glass of milk, Pepsi, or juice, but that's just crazy now.

Oh well, baby steps. If I make some mistakes early on, it'll just be that much easier to stay on track on down the line.