Mankind Project?? Any advice? UPDATE pg 2

[Cindyluwho]

I have been away from these boards so long, I feel like a stranger. My marriage has been in utter turmoil, as my husband has been getting more and more verbally and sometimes physically abusive. One of DH's friends has suggested he go to a weekend retreat called the Mankind Project.

He is signed up and ready to go, but the more I read on this, the more it sounds like a cult type thing? DH is in counseling/therapy and really trying to get to the bottom of his anger stuff and he's hoping this weekend thing will also help.

Does anyone have any experience with The Mankind Project?

 

[usnuzuloose]

Just from what I am reading does not sound like a good idea. I would definatly attend counseling together. You need to work out the problems together. Jo

 

[phorsenuf]

I have been away from these boards so long, I feel like a stranger. My marriage has been in utter turmoil, as my husband has been getting more and more verbally and sometimes physically abusive. One of DH's friends has suggested he go to a weekend retreat called the Mankind Project.

He is signed up and ready to go, but the more I read on this, the more it sounds like a cult type thing? DH is in counseling/therapy and really trying to get to the bottom of his anger stuff and he's hoping this weekend thing will also help.

Does anyone have any experience with The Mankind Project?

Just from what I am reading does not sound like a good idea. I would definatly attend counseling together. You need to work out the problems together. Jo

^^ I agree. It's something you should do together.

 

[RitaZ.]

I've never heard of this project. So, I have no advice to offer on that.

Is the physical violence something new or has it always been present?

 

[IndianaMouse]

Ask yourself what you would tell your daughter to do if a man was verbally and physically abusive to her .

Whether your husband is seeking help or not is beside the point. He is abusive now, by you staying with him you are putting yourself at risk and sending the message to your daughter that it is ok to be treated this way by her future SO.

And, I'm sorry your going through this OP. No man, or anyone for that matter, has the right to abuse another person.

 

[locolala]

If your husband is physically abusive, you need to call the cops and get him out of your house. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. They'll make sure he gets the help he needs. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but hitting your spouse is NOT ok, and honestly a little bit of counselling isn't going to help him. He needs to hit rock bottom to change his ways, and just being in therapy isn't likely to fix his issues.

IndianaMouse has it dead on.. if your daughter was being abused, would you just tell her to have him go to therapy?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Cindylouwho, sorry to hear about your troubles. I do want to say that you are not required to stay with your dh while he works out his issues.

As far as the Mankind Project, it sounds nutty and I think this is probably your "sign" that you need to leave the home. It does sound like a cult.

 

[wgwtgb]

I'm also sorry that you are dealing with this. Check this website out
http://www.wwme.org/

 

[Explodo]

Stay away from it.

There are much better ways to get help and comradery than this group.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2007/10/cover_story_the_mankind_projec.php

and here

http://lgattruth.wordpress.com/2007...with-other-men-while-beating-cooked-chickens/


Also know a few folks who have gone on the weekend retreats...to a person they were repulsed by it.

 

[sbell111]

I have been away from these boards so long, I feel like a stranger. My marriage has been in utter turmoil, as my husband has been getting more and more verbally and sometimes physically abusive. One of DH's friends has suggested he go to a weekend retreat called the Mankind Project.

He is signed up and ready to go, but the more I read on this, the more it sounds like a cult type thing? DH is in counseling/therapy and really trying to get to the bottom of his anger stuff and he's hoping this weekend thing will also help.

Does anyone have any experience with The Mankind Project?

It doesn't seem to fit the criteria of a cult and it apparently has helped lots of men. I don't see a downside in adding this weekend to the counseling that your husband is already undertaking. I would recommend that at some point the two of you go to couple's counseling together, in addition to the solo counseling that he is undertaking.

 

[sbell111]

Stay away from it.

There are much better ways to get help and comradery than this group.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2007/10/cover_story_the_mankind_projec.php

I suspect that the comments on that page hold much more truth than the actual linked article.

In fact, those comments include much of what the OP requested: first-hand accounts of this retreat.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, we are in couples counseling as well as him seeing his own therapist and me seeing mine. Both his and my counselors are saying I should be prepared to leave at any time and have an emergency plan in place. I can't go into detail on the physical abuse, as it is only aimed at me and mostly sexual in nature. The verbal and emotional abuse is aimed at both myself and my daughter. I'm just feeling a bit trapped right now and he has been on his best behavior since he started up his meds again about 10 days ago. What a mess

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, we are in couples counseling as well as him seeing his own therapist and me seeing mine. Both his and my counselors are saying I should be prepared to leave at any time and have an emergency plan in place. I can't go into detail on the physical abuse, as it is only aimed at me and mostly sexual in nature. The verbal and emotional abuse is aimed at both myself and my daughter. I'm just feeling a bit trapped right now and he has been on his best behavior since he started up his meds again about 10 days ago. What a mess

Get out now. You just stated that your DD is being abused emotionally and verbally. You are allowing your child to be abused??? If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your innocent child who has no say. Be your child's voice and advocate. She deserves your protection, he doesn't.

I won't even touch the other issue.

 

[sbell111]

Get out now. You just stated that your DD is being abused emotionally and verbally. You are allowing your child to be abused??? If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your innocent child who has no say. Be your child's voice and advocate. She deserves your protection, he doesn't.

I won't even touch the other issue.

I think that you might be overreacting. In the OP's most recent post, she mentions that her husband went back on his meds and all is well. Therefore, one must presume that his bad behavior was caused by his being off his meds. Assuming that they continue therapy and he stays on his meds, I see no reason to believe that all is lost.

 

[Nancyg56]

Ask yourself what you would tell your daughter to do if a man was verbally and physically abusive to her .

Whether your husband is seeking help or not is beside the point. He is abusive now, by you staying with him you are putting yourself at risk and sending the message to your daughter that it is ok to be treated this way by her future SO.

.

This is my litmus test as well. If this was your DD what would you want for her?

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, we are in couples counseling as well as him seeing his own therapist and me seeing mine. Both his and my counselors are saying I should be prepared to leave at any time and have an emergency plan in place. I can't go into detail on the physical abuse, as it is only aimed at me and mostly sexual in nature. The verbal and emotional abuse is aimed at both myself and my daughter. I'm just feeling a bit trapped right now and he has been on his best behavior since he started up his meds again about 10 days ago. What a mess

Okay, this is what concerns me. Abuse towards a daughter is never okay. Never. I have no idea how long this has gone on and how much better he is behaving now, I only wonder how this has affected your DD.

I also am a firm believer that you need to be your DD's advocate and if the therapists are suggesting a safe haven needs to be in place they are obviously worried about you. So he has been better for ten days. What happens if he goes off the meds andyou are not aware? If he did it once, and it seems as though he did, he can do this again.

I am not in your shoes but I believe that under these circumstances a man needs to earn your trust back. He does not get to stop taking medication, physically and verbally abuse a woman and verbally and abuse his DD and then go on as if he is a new man because he starts taking medication. He needs to prove he is on track to both you and his DD and I do not think he should be doing it at home if there is a chance he could hurt either one of you again.

As a mother, it is your job to teach your DD how she should be treated by a man and how a parent protects her child. Her father is teaching her that already and that little lesson is not pretty right now. I am sorry that you are going through this but your first priority really is to your child. I agree that your husband is taking the right steps but you really need to be absolutely sure that he is not going to slide before you let him affect your DD any more than he already has.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think that you might be overreacting. In the OP's most recent post, she mentions that her husband went back on his meds and all is well. Therefore, one must presume that his bad behavior was caused by his being off his meds. Assuming that they continue therapy and he stays on his meds, I see no reason to believe that all is lost.

I do not agree with this at all. She said that her therapist and his as well, have suggested a safe haven needs to be in place. If she needs that then she is not safe. The husband went off his meds once, he could do this again. IMO, he needs to be the one proving he is not going to slip, she owes him nothing. Once he abused her and their DD he loses all credibility. It is not all lost but Holy Smokes! He sure has a lot to fix before it is right.

 

[sbell111]

I do not agree with this at all. She said that her therapist and his as well, have suggested a safe haven needs to be in place. If she needs that then she is not safe. The husband went off his meds once, he could do this again. IMO, he needs to be the one proving he is not going to slip, she owes him nothing. Once he abused her and their DD he loses all credibility. It is not all lost but Holy Smokes! He sure has a lot to fix before it is right.

Wow. You sure did read lots of things into my post that wasn't there. Did you intend to reply to someone else and accidently replied to my post?

You state that you don't agree at all with my post and then you go on to not disagree with anything that I posted. Strange.

 

[Nancyg56]

Wow. You sure did read lots of things into my post that wasn't there. Did you intend to reply to someone else and accidently replied to my post?

You state that you don't agree at all with my post and then you go on to not disagree with anything that I posted. Strange.

If I misunderstood you, I apologize. It seemed to me that you were telling the poster that below that she was overreacting. I get that the man is back on meds but honestly, I also would have her leave if she was my DD. And I would tear my heart out before I would want my DGD to remain in the home at this point. The child has been verbally and emotionally abused and even though the man is back on his meds 10 days is nto enough to prove himself. Not when there has been the kind of abuse the OP hints at.

Again, if I misunderstood your respponse I am sorry.

Originally Posted by Eeyore'sthebest
Get out now. You just stated that your DD is being abused emotionally and verbally. You are allowing your child to be abused??? If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your innocent child who has no say. Be your child's voice and advocate. She deserves your protection, he doesn't.

I won't even touch the other issue.

 

[Cindyluwho]

update:
Husband came back from the weekend with what seems to be a new attitude. At the welcome home ceremony all of the men stated that they had learned to take full responsibility for their actions. And it does seem that my husband thinks things thru before responding to recent situations. However, I feel like I'm looking at a very pretty bag of snakes. Nice to look at but still full of something scary? I'm definitely on edge, waiting to see if it's too good to be true. It's been 6 days that we've been back together after his weekend so we'll see how it goes from here. I'm definitely getting my ducks in a row in case his old behavior comes back. There will be NO more second chances.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I think that you might be overreacting. In the OP's most recent post, she mentions that her husband went back on his meds and all is well. Therefore, one must presume that his bad behavior was caused by his being off his meds. Assuming that they continue therapy and he stays on his meds, I see no reason to believe that all is lost.

Sorry I never responded but I didn't come back to thread until this update.

Have you seen a child that has been verbally abused by a parent that is "off their meds"? Have you raised a child like that? I have. I have raised my DSDs after their mother has been off/on her meds. We had to stop all visitation for over 3 years due to the uncertain nature of her behavior. She would be on the meds for awhile and then off the meds once she had visitation back. Until you've raised a child that has been affected, there is no other option. People that go on/off meds at their own will should not be around children. Sorry but I have very strong feelings about this. You can say I'm overreacting but I've seen the aftermath. I still see it every day in how they conduct themselves, how they value themselves. It takes a lot to build up a child that spent years being torn down.