Making Kids Share

[va32h]

If your child brings toys or games to a public place, and other children ask to play with them also, what do you do?

Here's my situation:

Dd9 and ds5 both take skating lessons. Because they are at different skill levels, their lessons are a different times, and often, so are their practices.

So what usually happens is that ds waits while his sister has her lesson/practice and then vice versa. Sometimes they practice together after one or the other has had a lesson.

To pass the time while waiting, ds brings small toys - matchbox cars, toy trucks, plastic dinosaurs, etc. Dd will bring her Polly Pockets, or paper and markers, etc.

Inevitably, there will be some child (or several children) who are wandering around the rink bored to death because they didn't bring anything to do/play with. Of course sometimes they are running around screaming, too, but that's another story.

So anyway, these children will come up to my kids and ask to play with them, or with their toys. My kids used to always say "yes" but a few occasions of having their toys broken or taken has made them a bit more selective.

So now we have this awkward moment when the kid is asking to play, and my kids are looking at me like "mom do we have to?" and I'm looking for the strange kid's mom and of course the other kids mom isn't paying the least bit of attention to anyone. If she's even around!

I don't want my kids to be rude - but just because we are the only family with enough sense to bring an activity doesn't mean we should be responsible for entertaining everyone else.

Any ideas?

 

[DisneyVillain]

My son says: "Sharing is the first stage of indoctrination in communsim."

 

[robinb]

I have been the mom who remembered the toys and the mom who forgot to bring something.

I would say that it's up to your kids if they want to play with other kids or not. It's perfectly OK for them to want to play alone. But, if they choose to play with other kids then they should share thier toys.

 

[Skywalker]

Had the same problem over the summer when we took the kids to the drive-in. They brought their lightsabers every time to play on the grass before the movie started. And every single kid at the drive-in wanted a turn. LOL. I just decided to be the bad guy and said no, because I was too concerned they would get broken or lost, and it was the truth. You are under no obligation to share with "strangers".

 

[Toby'sFriend]

My son says: "Sharing is the first stage of indoctrination in communsim."

I like that.

If it is something like Matchbox cars, I have a huge bag of them and I have no problem dumping them out and sharing.

If it is something like a Gameboy, I learned that lesson. I made my son "share" once with a young girl while the older siblings were playing a baseball tournament. So then my son was stuck with this girl, that neither one of us frankly liked very much, following us around the entire blasted weekend whining that she wanted her turn at his video game. Throwing pleading looks at the Mother did no good at all.

 

[Rowena]

It's a tough call. I truly leave it up to my son to decide for himself, as long as he's polite about saying,
"No thanks, I'd rather not play with anyone right now."

I'm trying to make sure he knows those toys are his, and I won't replace them, no matter who breaks them. He has to save up allowance and gift money to replace any items. He's pretty generous anyway, lending his Xbox to a neighbor friend for a night... The same kid who broke many MANY of his toys in the past 5 years. Of course, my DS is 11. When he was 5, I was encouraging sharing. By age 9, I was trying to instill responsibility and ownership.

(My DD, I just try to encourage any type of social interaction with kids her age.)

 

[Hillbeans]

My son used to bring his Thomas Trains everywhere, and I'd share them with any of the kids around who wanted to play...but then you run into the situation where the parents think nothing of their kids walking off with his toys and/or the breaking issue.

Maybe as a compromise you can bring along a toy you know your son/daughter doesn't like to really play with so you've got a "Reserve" and your kids can play with their favorite toy. It's hard to tell your kids not to share b/c it sends a mixed message, but if you've got room in your bag for a toy your kids aren't that fond of, just bring it along and share that one.

 

[Daxx]

We went to the Drive-In movies this summer to see Star Wars. DS and Daxx brought light sabres to do battles before the movie started. So did most of the other kids that were there. There was one kid next to us and he asked to play w/one of the light sabres. I had an extra in the car and said "Here, you can use this". Keep in mind, it was a "good" light sabre - not the cheapie kind. Anyway, this kid proceeds to pound the living daylights out of the light sabre. After about one minute of watching this, I said "My turn" and took it back. I refused to give it to him. He went back to his car and pulled out his dessimated, beat up, broken light sabre. Yeah -- now I know why he wanted to use ours -- he wanted one that worked. This kid didn't care if he broke our light sabre ... and I'm sure his parents wouldn't have cared, either. I know that I didn't do the best job of sharing ... but that child had no respect for the toy or the opportunity to play with it.

How about packing up some old crayons and a coloring book that your child doesn't want anymore? You can get some cheapies at the dollar store. That way, if children want to share your kids toys, you can just give them the coloring book and crayons and tell them to find a page. If they say "Well, I want to play w/her Polly Pockets", you can always say "Sorry, she's playing w/them now". If there is more than one child, then let those kids share the coloring books/crayons and let them deal w/it.

Or, as another poster suggested, your child can simply say she'd rather play by herself and that is fine. I can honestly understand why children don't want to share toys w/total strangers. You never know who will walk off w/them, break them, ruin them, etc. Not all kids play the same way w/toys nor know how to respect other people's property.

~Daxx's Wife