Making enemies

[srburks]

I guess you can tell that I am a new poster here, but I read the boards all of the time and I thought that this might be the place to ask for some help.

WE live in a small town and we have had a disagreement with some people in our town. It is a long story, but it involves money. We were going to stay in a condo together and we changed our minds. The deposit was in my name and the check was sent to me. I gave them their money back, but it took about 3 weeks because due to a misunderstanding, by husband thought we had paid the full deposit and he spent the money on a bill that we had to pay. I am not proud of the fact that I told them the check had not gotten back to us, but I was embrassed that we had spent it

Anyway, this group of people spread the word to other people around that I had stolen money from them and my husband had to pay it back. That was not true at all. Needless to say being that we live in a small town a lot of people look don't really talk to us anymore.

I didn't think that it would bother me so much, since it happened last year. but my daughter plays basketball with the girls of the family that won't talk to me, and it is getting hard to keep going without saying something to the parents.

The last straw was when one of the daughers invited everyone on the basketball team to a party, except for my daughter. She told my daughter that she had lost her invitation.

IT is hard on my daughter, I know, but I am not really sure what to do. It is hard to go to the games, because they will literally turn their back to me when they see me. It seems a little high schoolish to me, but it still bothers me also.

Sorry for the long post, but I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest.

Thanks for listening.

 

[nealymouse]

Lets see, You made a mistake, took 3 weeks to discover it, paid them back. So if it were me I would not have a problem with that. Those people were never your friends. A friend would realized the mistake, talk it over and forget about it.

What happend to your daughter is pure igorance on behalf of the girl who lost her invite.

Tell your daughter that she just learned a lesson in life and that when she holds her head high she will be the better person.

I am also a firm beliver in Carma, What goes around comes around.

 

[tlgoblue]

Welcome to Podunkville. DH contends that everybody should spend a month in NYC to get a handle on living with others, tolerating and appreciating others. Small towns are great for many things. Unfortunately, they are usually filled with small people and small minds. Scrape 'em off! If you really want to be nastey, send them a check for 3 weeks interest, and a short note explaining you didn't realize they were in such a financial pinch, and you hope they get back on their feet soon. Teach your DD about tolerence and ingnorance, and how the former usually smoothes over the rough edges of the latter. Let her express her anger and frustration over the situation, and then move on. Explain to her, she needs to move on. There are other people in that town who will see how wrong those dopes were.


Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[srburks]

Thank you so much for your replies. This has bothered me so much and those words really helped me.

I am sure that you think I am silly, but it brought tears to my eyes to have someone understand and tell me, that is o.k. just go on with your life.

Again, thank you so much, I think I just needed someone to talk to about this

 

[Doug123]

Keep your head up high is right. There is nothing you can do about how others react to things. Nothing. All you can control is how you react to it. You know you don't deserve the attitude some people around town are giving you. Should their opinion matter more than your own?

People love to gossip and look down on others all too often. They are the ones with the problem.

 

[RNMOM]

I agree you did nothing wrong that you did not fix. As far as being in the same place with them...I would be inclined to go over and say you really feel badly about all the problems this issue has created for all of your families but they know there was no theft and the money had been returned as soon as the error was discovered. I would say it loud enough for several people around to hear it and then I would turn and walk away. Call them on it. Just a little without starting a fight.

As far as your daughter and the party, some of the girls will feel badly about going and leaving her out. Maybe even their daughter. If the party has not already happened, why don't you plan a special outing with her and maybe another friend or relative? Make a special night too.

 

[DD2Disney]

First let me say that I think they are having VERY wrong, and childish!!!! Especially the example they are setting for their daughters/and or children.

I know you said it was last year and that is a lot of time gone by. But have you ever been as open with them, gave them the details of exactly what happened? When people are not given all the details they are left open to assumption. And you know what happens when we assume!!

I am sorry that this has happened to you. I hope everything smooths out eventually. Just keep your head high and don't do anything you will regret (act like them) remember your daughter is learning from this experience too.

P.S. I have found that the DIS has a great support system.

 

[Keli]

You know, these people are out of line, plain and simple. They had a fallout with you and your dh and they are petty and want to make you suffer a long, long time. Not only that but they want to hurt you by hurting your child too. I can't believe the level that some folks stoop too.
People like that scare me because I know what's going to be coming their way. The law of the harvest is true and you do reap what you sow.

 

[KathyFP]

It is amazing how ignorant people can be. Especially to take it out on your daughter.

Hold your head high. You are the better person. Although hard, teach your daughter to not stoop to their level. The other girl may not have had a choice. Her parents may have dictated her guest list.

 

[Disney Doll]

That's one of the problem with small towns...everybody knows everybody's business.

They are the small people...you corrected the error and it's time to move on. The longer you act guilty, the longer they have power over you. I would speak to them as you do any other parent of any other of your child's teammates. If they turn their backs, I'd say to the folks around me, in an indifferent sort of voice"isn't it a shame that they still harbor such a grudge about that misunderstanding we had, especially since they've been paid in full? Oh well, life is short" and then act indifferently.

 

[Serena]

Yes, they are the ones with the problem. And it's awful how it's affecting your daughter.
I agree with the advice already given, and wish you the best.

The dis is a wonderful place to get support.

 

[srburks]

i really appreciate all of your great advice. I wish that I had asked sooner. I have been feeling very very guilty and I didn't know what to do.

Fortunately, my daughter has not been as affected as much as I have been, except for the party situation. We did go out that day for a small outing and she said it didn't bother her that she wasn't invited. For her age, (13) she acts very mature about the situation. It helps that we explained it to her before all of this started. She makes a point to say Hi to the parents, even if they don't talk to me.

I think that I will take the advice and say hello to them, even if they don't acknowledge me. It will make me feel better, I think.

Again, thank you so much, I needed all of the advice that I received.

 

[browneyes]

That party probably wasn't much fun anyway.

 

[srburks]

That is funny that you said that. My daughter said that a lot of people didn't go and the ones that did said that it was o.k.

I hate it for the girl, but it made my daughter fell better.

When things happen, we chalk it up to the old "smalltown mentality"

 

[browneyes]

I live in a small town too. What makes it worse is my SO is related to about 100+ of those in the small town.

I'm glad your dd got some peace of mind.