Lost - In need of your prayers

[UnderDog]

I have always been the type of person who has chosen to be happy. I grew up in a large Irish catholic family and am one of seven children. We are all still very close and family means more to us than anything. We never had any money, although growing up I never really noticed because my grandfather and father were so creative and handy that we never went without. They built the house fixed the cars invented all types of things. We felt extremely privileged. I have always wanted to be like my parents and grandparents and have tried very hard to do what ever I thought was right for my own little family. My wife and I have been married 23 ½ years (We married young, but there was no stopping us). We have built our own family with three wonderful children, twins now 20 and our baby who is 19. My wife is an LPN who works for a State Medical University and I am an IT operations supervisor for a large utility. Our kids are currently attending a local junior collage and are still at home.

My wife is an excellent planner and loves to plan our trips to Disney World. We first went to Disney World on our honeymoon in 1983 and have been back many times when our kids were young. We took our kids and my parents back in December of 2005 and again had a great time, we love it there.

My Wife and I went back last year right after Thanksgiving and had the best time. One moment I will never forget is when my wife had on an “I love jack shirt” and the guy who was checking our bags at the Magic Kingdom said to her “Hey my name is Jack!” I think is his name actually was Hose`. My wife had just one thing on her mind “Get to the rides”. Later that night we went out with friends and I was telling them about this story and it was then that I realized that she didn’t get what Hose` was doing. We all had a big laugh about that. She is just like a kid at the World.
One other great memory for me was at the Christmas party it was raining and we road the tea cups and had so much fun spinning around like a couple of crazy kids. After we got of the ride we could hardly walk, one of the Disney cast members ran over to us and said you guys look like you are having the best time… We did have the great night. I was so glad we went to the Christmas party. I think the rain made it even more memorable. She would say the rain is not her friend, but if you knew my wife, any way you look at her she is beautiful and I think she had as much fun as I did.

I will try to hang on to the great times we had together.

Since then things have been very stressful. She has found someone better and is leaving. It is hard because I tried so hard but I guess not hard enough.
After she told me she was in love with this guy and he has told her the same, we hugged for the last time and the song that was playing was “I can’t make you love me” by Bonnie Raitt. I do want her to be happy (I love her very much), but am also struggling with my own happiness and uncertain future. Family was everything to me and I’m not sure how I can be happy with out such an important part missing from it.

All Things Must Pass… George Harrison:

 

[Christine]

UnderDog,

Sorry you are going through this. I will think good thoughts for you and hope that you can get through this. I know there is nothing I can say to make any of it "better". Sometimes these things just happen. When we are all very busy and lead our own lives outside a marriage (like work for instance), it can put us closer with other people and we develop new relationships. I'm sorry that it had to happen with someone you obviously loved very much.

 

[UnderDog]

UnderDog,

Sorry you are going through this. I will think good thoughts for you and hope that you can get through this.

Christine, Thanks for your kind words... Right now it seems like nothing will make it better. When I told my family doctor (who is a friend of hers) he gave me a hug. He has known us our entire married life and knows how much I love her. Of course he gave me all kinds of drugs. None of which do anything... it seems. I guess only time will work. Thanks Again...

 

[snappy]

From personal experience, all I can say is that time is on your side. I also find exercise, even if just walking, helps lift the spirits and gives a feeling of physical well-being as well.

I would also say talking to someone helps, a friend, a counselor, someone from your church if you attend. Keeping a journal has been helpful to me.

Given all the above, I will keep you in my prayers, that each day gets easier, and the future brighter for you.

 

[cheriemek]

I hope things work out for you.

 

[klmall]

UnderDog - My heart goes out to you! You have expressed your heart so well in words and I know it must be very hard for you right now. You're right. You can't make her love you and you don't want to (to paraphrase a song). As snappy suggested exercise will help. Maintaining relationships with your children and your friends can go a long way. DH and I have had some rocky times in our 35 years and one of the biggest lessons I've learned is that you have to let each other go sometimes in order to get each other and your sanity back. And if letting the other go forever is what should happen, then that's what should be.

Remember that you are a good person, a person who deserves to be cared about. You did try hard to save the relationship. It's important to think about yourself now as hard as that may seem. Be good to yourself and seek professional help if you need it.

You have my prayers and my hope for the best outcome!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

Pray for guidance and the right choices will be obvious.

My brother wrote that to me at the bottom of one of his emails to me, and it meant alot to me.

I have another one, if I find it I will post that one too.

Prayers for you , feel free to post on here anytime. We are all here for one reason or another and welcome all.

 

[UnderDog]

Pray for guidance and the right choices will be obvious.

I have been praying a lot, but not for guidance. This means a great deal to me. Thank you so much!

 

[UnderDog]

UnderDog - My heart goes out to you! You have expressed your heart so well in words and I know it must be very hard for you right now...

DH and I have had some rocky times in our 35 years and one of the biggest lessons I've learned is that you have to let each other go sometimes in order to get each other and your sanity back. And if letting the other go forever is what should happen, then that's what should be.

You have my prayers and my hope for the best outcome!

Thank you!!!! I know in my mind I need to let her go... but it's my heart that seems to have control right now. Thanks so much for sharing this with me.

 

[UnderDog]

From personal experience, all I can say is that time is on your side. I also find exercise, even if just walking, helps lift the spirits and gives a feeling of physical well-being as well.

I would also say talking to someone helps, a friend, a counselor, someone from your church if you attend. Keeping a journal has been helpful to me.

Given all the above, I will keep you in my prayers, that each day gets easier, and the future brighter for you.

Thank you for your prayers, they really mean a lot to me... I have taken your advice on a counselor. She is some help... but I guess for me it's hard for me, to give up on my old dreams and developing a new ones.

 

[UnderDog]

I hope things work out for you.

Thanks for the HUG....

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I hope all goes well with you... do get help if you need it.

 

[carrie s]

Im praying for you

 

[mdsouth]

I have no words of advice for you. Just hang in there!
My prayers for you will be to help you through this tough time.
I agree with another poster, writing helps. The process of writing allows you to work through your sadness, anger, disappointment, etc.. You have a gift for writing.
It is a way to validate your feelings.

 

[UnderDog]

Im praying for you

Thanks so much!

 

[UnderDog]

I have no words of advice for you. Just hang in there!
My prayers for you will be to help you through this tough time.

Thanks I believe in prayer... My kids and I will be going to Mass this Sunday to pray for guidance.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers I can really feel them at work.

 

[JunieJay]

I think I read a post of yours on the Community Board that your wife's new love is someone she found on the Internet. If that is the case, I'd not write off 23 years of marriage just yet.....internet "affairs" tend to be fleeting, and since they aren't "real", often the person realizes the grass is not always greener on the other side once they actually spend time with the person face to face.

Good luck to you and your wife.

 

[UnderDog]

I think I read a post of yours on the Community Board that your wife's new love is someone she found on the Internet. If that is the case, I'd not write off 23 years of marriage just yet.....internet "affairs" tend to be fleeting, and since they aren't "real", often the person realizes the grass is not always greener on the other side once they actually spend time with the person face to face.

Good luck to you and your wife.

Yes they met on the DIS.

She has been kicked off for posting adult type stories on her trip report.
It seems a lot her friends are doing the same thing. They even have developed new a private web site to post what ever they want.

I haven't completely given up, even though I believe they have met, I don't really know for sure. I have reason to believe they are planning a trip this spring or summer. She told me yesterday that she is having all her mail sent to a PO Box. Today she took me off the joint Credit Card accounts and demanded I surrender mine to her. It's feels like a "long slow death".
She seems so determined to be with him. She is insisting on selling our house even before we divorce.

I constantly go back and forth. Should I give up or hang on. It is so painful. She seems colder to me every day. I'm just not used to it and don't feel I deserve it, but deep down I know that I must be at fault. Right now, I just don't know what I'm going to do.

Thank you for your thoughts on this... I hope she changes her mind and we can start working on our marriage. That's what I really want, but I am scared.

 

[UnderDog]

I have no words of advice for you. Just hang in there!
My prayers for you will be to help you through this tough time.
I agree with another poster, writing helps. The process of writing allows you to work through your sadness, anger, disappointment, etc.. You have a gift for writing.
It is a way to validate your feelings.

The last Sunday the kids and I went to Mass together... something we have not done together in a long time. I went to pray for guidance and the kids went with me to for support. Well anyway, there was a visiting priest from Georgia who said Mass. In his homily he talked about the levels forgiveness. It seemed as though he was talking to me. He talked about how hard it is to forgive a spouse who keeps hurting you, and you have to forgive it every time. He also said forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to become a "door matt". But it is extremely hard to keep forgiving my wife for her behavior. After Mass I have felt much better and am learning to let go. I do have some horrible days but they are getting better.

Thank you all for your prayers and kind thoughts, they have helped a lot.

 

[UnderDog]

I think I read a post of yours on the Community Board that your wife's new love is someone she found on the Internet. If that is the case, I'd not write off 23 years of marriage just yet.....internet "affairs" tend to be fleeting, and since they aren't "real", often the person realizes the grass is not always greener on the other side once they actually spend time with the person face to face.

Good luck to you and your wife.

The other day I found out that they actually plan to get married. (This would be his third marriage.)

My wife wants to make an arrangement with me that she stays in the house (free) till we can divorce. I'll pay all the bills and she will save her money. While saving her money she plans on sending her boyfriend some so he can get a lawyer and fight for custody of his 6 year old girl.

After the divorce she will sign the house over to me. I'm not sure I can do that, not for a year anyway.

I feel as though I would be financing both my divorce and his. But, if I sell the house, I don't think I can afford a house large enough for our three kids and me. No matter what I decide she has told me in no uncertain terms that she is madly in love and will be leaving. Even if it means, selling the house.

How long does it take for a divorce?

OMG I can’t believe what is happening. It is so unreal to me. Today, she said that I just need to find away to get over it. (She is right, but it so hard for me).

Sorry I’m just having I bad day and feeling helpless.