Leaving DD with her Grandma in WDW.. Worries!

[ALittleDisneyFan]

Backstory: We're in the middle of an international adoption process - DD is 8 months and not yet home... We're thinking she'll be home late June.

Okay, so DH, DD, and I are going to WDW in December... My mother, stepdad, and brother are also going the same time at us. (We're all on the same page of doing different things and not being together 24/7). We will make dinner plans with them, go to the Christmas parade, etc.. No big deal.

I am making reservations for Narcoosee's for Dh and I... and possibly the baby. DH thinks it would be great to let her go off with Grandma while we have a nice dinner... in theory, that sounds great but..... I'm just not ready! I'm worried my mom will lose her! It isn't anything about my mom, I can't think about leaving her with anyone because I don't think they will watch her!

Anyone understand where I'm coming from? Should we just take her to dinner??

 

[ilovejack02]

I get what you are saying... but did your mom ever do anything ever to you to make you so worried? I get the whole new mommy thing... i have a 4 yr old. But is there a real reason to be concerned or are you just getting yourself all worked up. I will tell you it is very important to spend some alone time with DH and not let the babies take over your whole life.

 

[Aristomommy]

I can understand your feelings. It's hard to know how your relatives are before you will see them in action so to speak. I suggest practicing before your trip. Just go to the grocery store without DD and then stay longer the next time. Now, I have relatives that I wouldn't leave my children with for many reasons (SIL took DD to her parent's house in her car without car seat and just let her sit on her lap ). If you don't suspect this type of behavior and it's your apprehension, then work on it before your trip. Good luck with your adoption. DH and I are considering it as we are unable to add to our family biologically.

 

[TheDizMom]

As a new mother of only about 6 months ( when you go on this trip) I understand your concerns about leaving your new child with your mom, especially when you have done so much to become a new mom . I think you are worrying about nothing though. You aren't leaving her for an overnight or the entire day, but for a few hours to enjoy some Mommy and Daddy time. It is good for you and her. A good relationship between you and your husband is crucial to your baby's well being . A loving comfortable relationship with your mom is just as crucial, so relax and let her get to know grandma too . The only reason I see to not do this is if your mother is physically incapable of taking care of her or she was a really terrible mother and you can't trust her to properly take care of her. Unless she lost you as a child your mom isn't likely to lose your daughter either. If it will make you more comfortable since it is evening and for only a few hours just ask that your mother stay in your room with her then the likelyhood of her losing her is somewhere between slim and none and as my DH likes to say "slim just left the building." Though as a first time mom you are going to want to do everything for your DD, take advantage of any help you are offered and trust that your mother is going to take good care of your DD like she most likely did for you. She might spoil her a little more though .

 

[emmismom05]

First of all, CONGRATS! DH and I adopted out daughter internationally too. It is such a roller coaster ride but so worth it when they finally come home. I just wanted to ask if you have a general idea when you'll get her? I say this because since she will be older it will be very important for her to bond with you and DH so she knows you are her primary caregivers, especially you. If she hasn't been home that long I would reconsider and bring her with you. On the other hand, if she's been home for at least a few months and she's adjusting well, I'd leave her with your mom. By then, you'll really be glad for a break! It's hard not starting from a newborn! My DD was almost 11 months when she came home and she was almost walking. We were worn out so fast until we really got used to it. Anyway, just the whole adjustment thing got me thinking that you might want to bring her with you. We waited 3 months before leaving DD with anyone. They just really need that security of knowing you are always there when they first come home. It is so much for them to adjust to and it may scare her and make her feel abandoned if you leave her. Again, if she's been home awhile I don't think it should be an issue. I hope you can get her soon!!!

 

[Princess Roo]

First, go ahead and make the reservation for the 3 of you. It is no problem to drop DD from the reservation later, which is what will hopefully work out. That delays you needing to make this decision NOW, before you have seen how well DD adapts to your family (and your mother).

I know older adopted children can have different attachment situations than children raised by parents (birth or adoptive) since birth. I COMPLETELY agree that you can't let your children own you to the point of forgoing time alone with your spouse. But it does seem possible that, especially if the adoption stretches out longer than anticipated, DD won't be ready to be left, especially in a strange place. BTW, I would definitely suggest leaving her with people in her own house before leaving her at Disney. I think all new parents have a certain level of apprehension leaving their child with a sitter (family or otherwise) the first few times. Do what YOU and DH feel comfortable with.

Congratulations on the adoption!!! I hope everything comes through quickly from here on out.

 

[tanyaandallie]

Make the ressie for 3. If you feel comfortable leaving her when the time comes, then do it. If not, take her with you and don't even stress over it. It will be fine either way!

 

[Oceana]

Yeah make the res for 3 and see how you feel closer to the time

your baby will be around 1 year old when you go on this trip... 1 year olds are typically not that zippy... get a nice sling and tie baby to grandma =) cant loose something attached

whenever I leave my kids with other people I dress them the same so it is easier to know what they look like. I have been known to tie bells to their shoes so people even have an audio clue as to where my boys are...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I totally undersand where you are coming from. I never left the kids either. It's not that I thought my Mom would forget them outside or something, I just didn't want to be apart from them. Dh and I are on the same page so it's not an issue for us. I could understand not wanting to leave her in WDW with anyone also. It doesn't matter if some people are comfortable and some aren't, you have to do what is most comfortable for you. There is no right answer. The only person who can decide is you. If you would have a miserable time without her then take her with you. If you think you might enjoy a little time alone with DH then leave her with Grandma. If you decide to leave her with Grandma then set up some rules that you are comfortable with. (No leaving the resort etc.) Congratulations on your little bundle of joy! Children are a gift. Enjoy every moment! I hope you have a great time whatever you decide!

 

[Manda]

My son will be four when we do a big family trip to WDW next September. I'm in a panic about letting him go off "on his own" with my in-laws or my Mom. And like I said - he's 4. And he's in full-time day care, so it's not like he's not used to being away from me. I realize that it's slightly irrational and I'm trying to get over it before we get there. DH thinks I'm nuts. I've definitely put the kibosh on them going to a different park while we're at one park. We need to be within the same turnstiles. I don't want to have to find a bus to get back to where he is if someone calls my cell phone in a panic. So, while this isn't helpful to you at all, just thought I'd post so you know you're not alone.

My name is Manda and I have control issues.

 

[bellarella]

While I can definitely understand where you are coming from, I think you are about a year too early in worrying about it

Seriously, unless you have serious concerns about your mother's ability to care for children (and I can understand that -- DH and I wouldn't let his parents watch any of our children until they could talk fluently because they just aren't good with babies), the age your DD will be is not one where fear of losing her is really relevant. A 16 mos old (or there about) should pretty much be stroller bound or carried (and you could make that a stipulation) at Disney. I would be more worried about a 2.5 + child where they might be walking on their own and wander off. Heck, I worry about that when I'm watching them!

You should do what you feel comfortable with, but I would recommend introducing as many people into your DD's life that can care for and love her as you can. Not only will it give you the opportunity for you and your DH to have time to connect as a couple, but I also think it's really good for children to feel that they have a wide network of love and support in their lives. Mommy and Daddy are always #1 in their books, but knowing that there is a net of security broader than that is a very wonderful thing, IMHO. You might decide that Disney isn't the place for that, but it could work out wonderfully too

 

[lookingforward]

I agree, unless your mom has given you cause for concern I would definately take advantage of the alone time with your husband. Just remember, as much as you are already in love with your daughter and anticipating her arrival your mom will be in love as well. A grandmother's love is special and I can't imagine your mom forgetting the baby or losing her. She will be so happy to share an evening with her new grandbaby that she will be doting on her all night. Not sure if you have other children but I have three and alone time with my husband was hard to do when my kids were younger. I can't think of a better time (Christmas time at disney) to reconnect with your husband and have time to revel in your new role as parents. You may spend the entire dinner talking about your little girl and those are some wonderful converstations. Congratulations and best wishes

 

[ilovejack02]

My son will be four when we do a big family trip to WDW next September. I'm in a panic about letting him go off "on his own" with my in-laws or my Mom. And like I said - he's 4. And he's in full-time day care, so it's not like he's not used to being away from me. I realize that it's slightly irrational and I'm trying to get over it before we get there. DH thinks I'm nuts. I've definitely put the kibosh on them going to a different park while we're at one park. We need to be within the same turnstiles. I don't want to have to find a bus to get back to where he is if someone calls my cell phone in a panic. So, while this isn't helpful to you at all, just thought I'd post so you know you're not alone.

My name is Manda and I have control issues.

They always say the first step in recovery is acknowledging the problem

Actually Im not sure that I would let my DS4 off to another park with anyone else either, so you arent alone. WDW is a big place and if anyone is gonna lose my kid, i want it to be me. LOL!

 

[tanyaandallie]

Just thought I would add this. If you are paranoid about her taking your dd to the parks, tell her she has to stay in the hotel room. I would be much more comfortable if I knew they were staying in the hotel!

 

[The Disney Bunch]

Well, your mom had you & didn't loose you so that is a good thing. Why would you question her parenting abiltiies? Is there something more that should be added?

 

[tiggerzpalz]

I guess I can understand the new mom jitters but I think you should just take a deep breath and enjoy some time with your hubby. I have left my DS's (5,3) alone with my mom in Disney numerous times including taking the bus back to the hotel, at the pool or heading to a different activity. Not to mention leaving them with her for things at home. I mean she raised me and I turned out just fine.

 

[hollyb]

Backstory: We're in the middle of an international adoption process - DD is 8 months and not yet home... We're thinking she'll be home late June.

Okay, so DH, DD, and I are going to WDW in December... My mother, stepdad, and brother are also going the same time at us. (We're all on the same page of doing different things and not being together 24/7). We will make dinner plans with them, go to the Christmas parade, etc.. No big deal.

I am making reservations for Narcoosee's for Dh and I... and possibly the baby. DH thinks it would be great to let her go off with Grandma while we have a nice dinner... in theory, that sounds great but..... I'm just not ready! I'm worried my mom will lose her! It isn't anything about my mom, I can't think about leaving her with anyone because I don't think they will watch her!

Anyone understand where I'm coming from? Should we just take her to dinner??

Of course take her, sorry but if your DH is already putting his needs first in front of the babies life is not going to be fun. Once you have a child they come first always. Going out to eat is not a good reason to leave the baby.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I did want to add- if you aren't ready then you aren't ready. It doesn't make you a bad parent or wife if you don't want to leave your child.

 

[jamesmommy]

I would make the reservation for 3 and see how you feel about it closer to the time, you can change it to a ressie for 2 later. Right now, you are still in expectant Mommy mode, you may decide by December you WANT to do a dinner with just you and hubby. I personally feel that it is important for children to see that Mommy and Daddy actually like each other's company (I wish we had a sitter we could trust!).

It might be really nice for your DD to have some bonding time with Grandma as well. If you are worried about Grandma keepin up with her, maybe they could just play in the room for a little while. Or you could make the reservation a little later in the evening so Grandma can tend her while she sleeps.

Congratulations on your new baby girl! Don't worry too much about the little things, they will fall in place.

Amie

 

[lookingforward]

It is healthy and wise to spend some alone time with your husband as long as you have someone you trust completely in charge of your child. I think it is romantic that he wants to have a quiet dinner with you, not a cause for concern about his future behavior. Having a baby is such a wonderful thing. Children come first, of course, but balance is the goal. For me, I can't think of anyone better to watch my children than my mother.

Of course, if it bothers you, don't do it. I like the advice about making the ressie for three and then decide. Your daughter will be over one years old, right? See how she interacts with your mom, etc.