LAST-TO-POST #12 Calling all Poster Gals (and Guys) of the Lasting Kind.....

[DisneyFirefly]

oooo.....out to impress then....
I wonder if there will be sabotage

I don't think there'd be sabotage... The guy I went out with tonight is just looking for dating (he got divorced last year and isn't ready for long term yet, which is totally understandable), and I'm not entirely sure what Friday's guy is looking for... Must discuss.

 

[franandaj]

It's all very confusing at the moment! Friday went very well, today went very well. I'm not used to having more than one guy interested at the same time.

Cool, now you said one was the guy on his third chance right? Just trying to keep the score card straight...that guy was older, what's the profile on the new one?

 

[queenie82]

I don't think there'd be sabotage... The guy I went out with tonight is just looking for dating (he got divorced last year and isn't ready for long term yet, which is totally understandable), and I'm not entirely sure what Friday's guy is looking for... Must discuss.

I'm learning Divorcees are very complicated....
They miss companionship so they are looking for a committed relationship but they're not wanting to jump straight into marriage.
Things depend on who prompted the divorce....how long they were together....etc etc...

My guy is a kind and loving man but damn complicated

On the other hand younger guys are complicated as you aren't sure what they are looking for...

Wishing you the best in the dating

 

[DisneyFirefly]

Cool, now you said one was the guy on his third chance right? Just trying to keep the score card straight...that guy was older, what's the profile on the new one?

Okay, so, this is how it looks:

Friday's guy: C, 44, met him in February, lives in Palatine, was on third chance. He was not only there, but he showed up half an hour early (we were meeting at the social club we're both members at). I like talking to him and feel very comfortable with him. We also have very similar interests.

Tonight's guy: M, 40, lives in Evanston, met him two weeks ago, first time we've tried to get together. I had a lot of fun hanging out with him, but I'm not entirely sure if we're what each other is looking for. He's recently divorced, so I know he's not ready for a real relationship yet.

Oh, and I'm 26 (27 in June). Yeah, I like older guys

 

[DisneyFirefly]

I'm learning Divorcees are very complicated....
They miss companionship so they are looking for a committed relationship but they're not wanting to jump straight into marriage.
Things depend on who prompted the divorce....how long they were together....etc etc...

My guy is a kind and loving man but damn complicated

On the other hand younger guys are complicated as you aren't sure what they are looking for...

Wishing you the best in the dating

Yeah, M and his ex-wife have a thirteen year old son, so that complicates things by itself. I usually do prefer older guys (no idea why, really, it just works out that way). But yeah, I know he's lonely, I just don't want this to get to a place that I want more and he's not emotionally able to give it. That happened with my ex, and they weren't even married! My ex-bf and his ex had been together for twelve years (he was another older guy ), and had just split up six months before I met him. He was nowhere near ready for another relationship and sort of replaced her with me.

 

[skiingfast]

I'm sure the version that I like tastes nothing like it does in poland. I had a BF in college who taught me to like Velveeta Shells and Cheese with Keilbasa. Since then Fran has taught me to enjoy it with sauerkraut and I put it in Jambalaya because I am too lazy to seek out Andoullie. It's just something that I can buy at the store, cut off a chunk, throw the rest in the freezer and then cut it while it's still frozen to throw in Mac-n-cheese as a late night protien, or use it in jambalaya mix since I normally have cooked chicken and frozen shrimp in the freezer as well.

All the great things about food that partners can teach us.

 

[queenie82]

Yeah, M and his ex-wife have a thirteen year old son, so that complicates things by itself. I usually do prefer older guys (no idea why, really, it just works out that way). But yeah, I know he's lonely, I just don't want this to get to a place that I want more and he's not emotionally able to give it. That happened with my ex, and they weren't even married! My ex-bf and his ex had been together for twelve years (he was another older guy ), and had just split up six months before I met him. He was nowhere near ready for another relationship and sort of replaced her with me.

oooo...children makes it harder. That's a permanent connection to the ex-wife. I'd be really careful with that. Especially with a teenager who's going to be going through lots of school and health decisions (braces etc) that will need to be joint.
BUT....you at the same time can't hold that 'against' him entirely.

My biggest fear was actually hurting him if we found things just too hard with the emotional baggage. Because the wife left him and I would be 'leaving' him if things went bad. He did have about a 7 month relationship before me which I'm 'glad' of but tore him a bit more as it was in part because he wasn't able to provide everything she wanted as soon as she wanted. So he is still dealing with that...and we are...


I don't understand the older guy thing either. Never expected this much older (43) but I agree I never got on as well with guys my age.
I've got a friend 2months into a relationship with a guy her age and it's got different issues...but issues still. Not helped by VERY conflicting advice from either end of the spectrum in terms of 'expectations' and the way the relationship proceeds.


You just need to go with your gut often. Listen to advice from those you trust and respect. But ultimately it's up to you and how you feel.
As long as they know about each other I'd keep going with both until you feel one 'isn't' for you.

 

[franandaj]

I'm learning Divorcees are very complicated....
They miss companionship so they are looking for a committed relationship but they're not wanting to jump straight into marriage.
Things depend on who prompted the divorce....how long they were together....etc etc...

My ex-bf and his ex had been together for twelve years (he was another older guy ), and had just split up six months before I met him. He was nowhere near ready for another relationship and sort of replaced her with me.

The best is when you have both been involved in relationships that spanned equal time, you broke up at the same time and had the right amount of time to recover (ie Fran and me). Supposedly you need about 50% of the time you were involved to "recover" so depending on how long the relationship is the longer the time it will take you to be able to get over that person and accept someone else. Of course YMWV, but I have been in relationships most of my adult life, when I was not, well let's just say I was VERY good at what I was doing, I'm not looking forward to not being in a relationship again so I need to keep Fran healthy and around for as long as possible!

Take it easy with these older guys, if they have been in relationships for long times, they are probably looking for more of the same and you will not be that. It's not that an older guy won't be good, they just need to be on their own long enough to appreciate what you will bring them, and it won't be the same as what their ex-wives/GFs did because you aren't her. Everyone always told me that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach so I learned to be an awesome cook, but that wasn't true. The other route wasn't true becuase I was pretty good there, so I can't tell you what the route to a man's heart is, perhaps actually just directly making contact as opposed to all the other myths that society perpertuates. Or it could be just that I was destined to fail with men to meet MY destiny.

OK I must be getting to tired to play any more since I am getting prophetical. Is that a word? I think I'll have another glass of wine and go to bed. Fran wants to get up early anyways....

 

[skiingfast]

I'm just so used to being ridiculously shy that I've never really dated much.

Oh...I've got that too...
Very very shy...

You ladies reminded me of a song. And quite fitting for us too as the name sounds like an Aussie Animal, though it's not meant to represent anything from Oz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbdLQ7E_wZk&feature=related

 

[franandaj]

You ladies reminded me of a song. And quite fitting for us too as the name sounds like an Aussie Animal, though it's not meant to represent anything from Oz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbdLQ7E_wZk&feature=related

I'm not sure how I recognized that song, as during that time period I tried to avoid popular music by going back in time from the 1960's to the 1750's, but it is pretty scary that videos from 30 years ago remind me of being at clubs and drinking too much! And those hair styles!


Hey where is Uszuz, did she finally pass out and get some sleep?

 

[queenie82]

Hey where is Uszuz, did she finally pass out and get some sleep?

I think she stayed up as long as she needed to then went to sleep
Hope she's sleeping...after staying up all night

 

[skiingfast]

I'm not sure how I recognized that song, as during that time period I tried to avoid popular music by going back in time from the 1960's to the 1750's, but it is pretty scary that videos from 30 years ago remind me of being at clubs and drinking too much! And those hair styles!


Hey where is Uszuz, did she finally pass out and get some sleep?

I like Beethoven too, but don't like Mozart as much as I like Ameddaus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo4pdhKL4b4

I wasn't drinking in the 80's, not legally at least. But sure liked 80's night at any club.

 

[franandaj]

Well I'm going to hit the hay, I'll see y'all on page 250 tomorrow since folks seem hell bent on getting there sooner rather than later!

This being on the east coast sure seems to impede my ability to play LTP, but I guess having a life and doing stuff will do that. Normally I'm just sitting in my chair at the computer which is why I'm usually so good at it! Darned getting out and starting to have a life! It's interfereing with my online escapist world!

 

[queenie82]

The best is when you have both been involved in relationships that spanned equal time, you broke up at the same time and had the right amount of time to recover (ie Fran and me). Supposedly you need about 50% of the time you were involved to "recover" so depending on how long the relationship is the longer the time it will take you to be able to get over that person and accept someone else. Of course YMWV, but I have been in relationships most of my adult life, when I was not, well let's just say I was VERY good at what I was doing, I'm not looking forward to not being in a relationship again so I need to keep Fran healthy and around for as long as possible!

Take it easy with these older guys, if they have been in relationships for long times, they are probably looking for more of the same and you will not be that. It's not that an older guy won't be good, they just need to be on their own long enough to appreciate what you will bring them, and it won't be the same as what their ex-wives/GFs did because you aren't her. Everyone always told me that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach so I learned to be an awesome cook, but that wasn't true. The other route wasn't true becuase I was pretty good there, so I can't tell you what the route to a man's heart is, perhaps actually just directly making contact as opposed to all the other myths that society perpertuates. Or it could be just that I was destined to fail with men to meet MY destiny.

OK I must be getting to tired to play any more since I am getting prophetical. Is that a word? I think I'll have another glass of wine and go to bed. Fran wants to get up early anyways....

You're right in many ways. I know there is a big 'learning' curve if you go in without 'relationship experience'. I know there is a healing issue.
But at the same time my BF was 'with' his wife for 25 years...married for 15...so that percentage means waiting 12.5years.

I think being a replacement is a big issue so it's important to make them aware of your main differences as you start the relationship. I went in with quite a knowledge of what he 'likes' and made him well aware of things I didn't like. Of course most of this was BEFORE we were a couple and while we were friends.
I do feel at times there are a few things he wants to be the 'same' but she's burnt him so badly in the change of character he also sees me as a different person.
And as for time apart...the forced being apart having had a few weeks together...have made him appreciate what he enjoyed about those times.

DisneyFirefly - There's nothing easy about what you're looking at but having been in a relationship which resulted in a parting as he wasn't ready means you know what signs to look for.

 

[queenie82]

Well I'm going to hit the hay, I'll see y'all on page 250 tomorrow since folks seem hell bent on getting there sooner rather than later!

This being on the east coast sure seems to impede my ability to play LTP, but I guess having a life and doing stuff will do that. Normally I'm just sitting in my chair at the computer which is why I'm usually so good at it! Darned getting out and starting to have a life! It's interfereing with my online escapist world!

HAHA!!
Have a good sleep and lovely day tomorrow

 

[DisneyFirefly]

oooo...children makes it harder. That's a permanent connection to the ex-wife. I'd be really careful with that. Especially with a teenager who's going to be going through lots of school and health decisions (braces etc) that will need to be joint.
BUT....you at the same time can't hold that 'against' him entirely.

My biggest fear was actually hurting him if we found things just too hard with the emotional baggage. Because the wife left him and I would be 'leaving' him if things went bad. He did have about a 7 month relationship before me which I'm 'glad' of but tore him a bit more as it was in part because he wasn't able to provide everything she wanted as soon as she wanted. So he is still dealing with that...and we are...


I don't understand the older guy thing either. Never expected this much older (43) but I agree I never got on as well with guys my age.
I've got a friend 2months into a relationship with a guy her age and it's got different issues...but issues still. Not helped by VERY conflicting advice from either end of the spectrum in terms of 'expectations' and the way the relationship proceeds.


You just need to go with your gut often. Listen to advice from those you trust and respect. But ultimately it's up to you and how you feel.
As long as they know about each other I'd keep going with both until you feel one 'isn't' for you.

Yeah, I know that kids make it more complicated. I just want to make sure that this doesn't go further than he can handle, since I don't want to hurt him. He's a very sweet guy, and I think we'd be great friends, even if things didn't work out romantically. But yeah, both guys know about each other. I don't like hiding things, because then if things get serious with one or the other, I don't have to explain "By the way, I can't see you anymore because of _________" and have them be completely blindsided.

Guys my age don't really seem to know what they want, not to mention that they don't really "see" heavier girls, which I am.

The best is when you have both been involved in relationships that spanned equal time, you broke up at the same time and had the right amount of time to recover (ie Fran and me). Supposedly you need about 50% of the time you were involved to "recover" so depending on how long the relationship is the longer the time it will take you to be able to get over that person and accept someone else. Of course YMWV, but I have been in relationships most of my adult life, when I was not, well let's just say I was VERY good at what I was doing, I'm not looking forward to not being in a relationship again so I need to keep Fran healthy and around for as long as possible!

Take it easy with these older guys, if they have been in relationships for long times, they are probably looking for more of the same and you will not be that. It's not that an older guy won't be good, they just need to be on their own long enough to appreciate what you will bring them, and it won't be the same as what their ex-wives/GFs did because you aren't her. Everyone always told me that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach so I learned to be an awesome cook, but that wasn't true. The other route wasn't true becuase I was pretty good there, so I can't tell you what the route to a man's heart is, perhaps actually just directly making contact as opposed to all the other myths that society perpertuates. Or it could be just that I was destined to fail with men to meet MY destiny.

OK I must be getting to tired to play any more since I am getting prophetical. Is that a word? I think I'll have another glass of wine and go to bed. Fran wants to get up early anyways....

Yeah, I think you were just supposed to fail with men But thanks for the words I don't know why I tend toward older men. I have no problem dating in my own age range, but you know what I'm looking for and that's hard to find in my age group.

You ladies reminded me of a song. And quite fitting for us too as the name sounds like an Aussie Animal, though it's not meant to represent anything from Oz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbdLQ7E_wZk&feature=related

Awesome

 

[DisneyFirefly]

DisneyFirefly - There's nothing easy about what you're looking at but having been in a relationship which resulted in a parting as he wasn't ready means you know what signs to look for.

Thankfully, when my ex and I split, he admitted that he was still in love with her and completely owned up to it, which I give him full credit for. That's not the easiest thing in the world to do, especially given everything we'd been heading toward (we were talking about marriage, for god's sake). I genuinely thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him before this came out. So not only do I not want to hurt M by moving faster than he can handle, I don't want to get hurt that way again either.



By the way, did I ever tell you my name? It's Dana

 

[Gisele]

How does one play this game exactly anyway? TIA

 

[DisneyFirefly]

How does one play this game exactly anyway? TIA

Basically, we chat until page 250 and then it's a battle royale until the mods shut us down.

 

[franandaj]

OK now I'm really going to bed!