Kindergarten/Childcare - Very long sorry.

[PrincessBelle39]

I'm hoping for a bit of neutral advice as I find when it comes to my kids, I get a little ....one minded?
I know things are a bit different here (Australia) as far as education goes so I will give a bit of background first. Children here in Victoria start school at approximately 5years old. They can be a little older or younger depending on when their birthday is, but 5 is pretty general. They start at prep and then go grades 1 through 6 in primary school. Prep is where they generally start reading,writing etc. Before school they can go to kindergarten. Now kindergarten is not compulsory. They can do 3year old kindergarten for a few hours a week followed by 4year old kinder. We pay fees directly to the kinder for 4year old and the kinder also receives an amount of funding from the government for each child.
My dd does 4year old kindergarten that only offers a kinder program. She also goes to daycare 2 days a week. Now this day care centre takes children from 6weeks old to school age as well as offering a before and afterschool care program. In the room that the 4 and 5year olds are in, they also offer a kinder program where they receive funding for the 'kinder' kids. It changes every year but at the moment they have 22 'funded' kids and 4 non funded (like my dd). Two of these four including dd do the separate program elsewhere going to day care for the sole purpose of childcare. The other two children do not do a kinder program at all.

Ok..hope I haven't lost anyone. There are several activities that they offer just to the 'funded kids'. They do a dance program on a Friday morning. Our kids are not allowed to participate. They have to go outside and do drawing while they wait, watching the other kids through the window. They have just started a library program where the 'funded kids' get to borrow library books. The other four are not allowed. At the christmas concert, the 'funded' kids get to wear a graduation outfit and receive a scrapbook with all their drawings in but the other four will not get one. Because they are not doing the dance program, they will not be learning the christmas songs/dances for the concert at the end of the year so are not going to be able to take part. These are just some examples. We chose to do the separate kinder program so that the girls could get to know the kids they were going to school with as none of the day care kids would be going to the same school. When my other dd was there, we were told that she would not be excluded from the 'funded'kids but that we would have to pay extra for the activities/excursions etc. I'm happy to do this, but its not an option anymore. They are just not allowed to participate.
Now I am really not happy. I feel that they are being made to feel different. My dd (nor the other 3kids) does not understand about funding. All she understands is that she is not allowed to take part. I've been told if I'm not happy I can have her taken out of the room and put in with the two and three year olds on a permanent basis. I don't consider this an option. She is going on for 5years old. Am I being unreasonable?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think that is completely ridiculous. I would look for another daycare. That is just plain mean. Good luck.

 

[karen624]

I would be unhappy. It is not fair that your daughter should feel ostracized from the other kids. I guess I would look into the pros/cons of just sending her to that school, and letting her meet/make friends with the other kids at the other school when she gets there. Kids make fast friends at age 5 (that is how old my dd is) so I probably would not worry about thar part of it as much.

 

[Erin1700]

No, you are not unreasonable! I think putting her with children who would be in her class later was a good idea! Are all the day cares run like this? If they are (and I do not agree with it, like you said, the kids dont understand), could you get someone to watch her in their home? Maybe someone has a small group of children that they watch and she could go there instead??

 

[PrincessBelle39]

I'm glad its not just me. I asked her how she felt when the other kids did 'Jump for Joy' (the dance program) and she said that she felt bad because she wasn't allowed to do it. I had an argument with the manager their this morning about it....not the first time. And I understand she had the same argument with another Mum on Friday night.
I do work for myself so I could pull her out and take her to work with me. But it would be awfully boring for her. She does get her 3 days of kinder already so she would still have contact with other kids. There are also two other daycare centres in the town that I could go to. Both appear to be nice centres.
She is extremely timid though and not confident with other kids, and I'm afraid I will make the wrong decision.

 

[Siouxstone]

I'm glad its not just me. I asked her how she felt when the other kids did 'Jump for Joy' (the dance program) and she said that she felt bad because she wasn't allowed to do it. I had an argument with the manager their this morning about it....not the first time. And I understand she had the same argument with another Mum on Friday night.
I do work for myself so I could pull her out and take her to work with me. But it would be awfully boring for her. She does get her 3 days of kinder already so she would still have contact with other kids. There are also two other daycare centres in the town that I could go to. Both appear to be nice centres.
She is extremely timid though and not confident with other kids, and I'm afraid I will make the wrong decision.

Isn't that the way we all feel when it comes to our babies? I would at least visit the other two centers and check them out. It seems like your heart is telling you to make a change.
I'm in the middle of a preschool change with my DS and it is scary. But, I found a center that I really love and though it will disrupt my child's life (and ours) for a little while, once I visited the new place, I feel like the change will be worth it.
Good luck & Pixie Dust!

 

[dollarmite]

Wow, that's a really bad situation/dynamic. Is this typical for all daycare centres in Vic, or is it just peculiar to this particular one? I'm in Qld and have never come across this issue (thankfully!).

I understand what you are saying about wanting your DD to be with the kids she'll go to school with, but as a mother whose 2 kids are now in middle/late primary school, I can assure you it won't be an issue once school actually starts.

I stressed about where to send DS1 to preschool (long story) because I was concerned about friendships carrying into primary school as well, and in the end it was irrelavant as we ended up unexpectedly moving at the end of that year anyway.

With DS2, half the kids at his preschool (attached to the school) ended up moving to different schools anyway for grade 1. The real time that they formed long term friendships was in grade 1. DS2 had some close friends when he was in daycare, but due to the cut off dates for starting school he started a year ahead of them and he wouldn't know them now if he fell over them. Within 6 months of starting grade 1 he could barely recall the kids who had not continued on at his school from preschool.

All this to say, if this discrimination is only particular to this daycare, and you have other centres in the area, I would give serious consideration to moving her to a different one.

Also, I am gobsmacked that the centre thinks the answer to this is to put an almost 5 year old in with 2 year olds! A much better solution would be to offer these activities to all the children, even if it means the parents have to pay extra out of pocket. It sounds like the director is just too lazy to want to deal with the (probably) minimal extra paperwork involved. If this is a state wide issue, then the Vic governmnet really needs to get its act into gear!

ETA: Just re read the OP. Leaving the 'non funded' kids out of the Christmas programme is completely and utterly unacceptable. It is disgusting and cruel. What funding does the centre need to allow 4 extra kids to stand up and sing a song??!! As for the scrapboks, presumably these are made up of the work the kids have done throughout the year? I presume the non funded kids also do drawings etc? What is so difficult about putting them in a scrapbook/binder? Have the parents provide the folder if necessary but don't leave those kids out.

PrincessBelle39, having re read the OP, I personally would be yanking my kid out of that centre so fast the director's head would spin.

 

[dollarmite]

and I'm afraid I will make the wrong decision.

Been there, done that too, with DS1.

He attended a fantastic daycare centre from 2-4 years old. It was, however, 15 minutes drive away, on a very hair raising route. He also attended with his best friend from birth/playgroup.

DS1 then became official kindy age and there was a C&K kindy/preschool 2 minutes walk from our house. Should I send him there, or keep him at daycare? Decisions! Decisions! What if I make the wrong decision?!! In the end I sent him to the C&K. Turned out to be a great decision. (He actually ended up being placed in the preschool room, but that's another story).

It's all moot anyway as he is now 12 and barely remembers any of it. Now it's time to stress about high schools for next year...

 

[PrincessBelle39]

I've rung the other two places in town just now. What is happening at our current centre does not appear to be the norm here.

The first I rang said they have a 3-5year old room where they do 3 and 4year old programs in the one room. But there is no segregation of 'funded' vs 'nonfunded' kids. They are currently full.

The second place has a four-five year old room. Again no segreation. All kids take part in all activities whether funded or not. They have one spot left on the Friday and three spots left on the Monday. They invited me to go and have a look around at any time. This sounds like a much more pleasant environment.

I have been at the other centre now for over 6years. We started there when my eldest was a baby. At the time it was the only place around. Both other centres are only about 3years old.

 

[PrincessBelle39]

Now it's time to stress about high schools for next year...

Good luck with that. I'm dreading that time.

 

[Ephany]

It seems very cruel to segregate the four non-funded kids, especially if you as parents are willing to pay extra. DD transferred from a private pre-K to a public kindergarten this year. Even though 2 of the other kids from pre-K also attend her school, they're not in her particular class and so her memory of them has mostly faded. With your daughter being unhappy about not being able to participate, I'd definitely start looking at other options. I'm not sure when your schools are in session (ours is Aug-May) but if your daughter is going to be ostracized for months, moving her to another program might be for the best. Good luck!

 

[PrincessBelle39]

It seems very cruel to segregate the four non-funded kids, especially if you as parents are willing to pay extra. DD transferred from a private pre-K to a public kindergarten this year. Even though 2 of the other kids from pre-K also attend her school, they're not in her particular class and so her memory of them has mostly faded. With your daughter being unhappy about not being able to participate, I'd definitely start looking at other options. I'm not sure when your schools are in session (ours is Aug-May) but if your daughter is going to be ostracized for months, moving her to another program might be for the best. Good luck!

It is going to be months of separation. School here goes from February to December so she is booked in there until December this year. We are travelling to WDW for a month in September but its still a long time for her to to be experiencing that.

 

[WantToGoNow]

Unless the program you have her in is very good, I wouldn't keep her there causing the segregation at the daycare center just because there are kids there that she will go to school with. I can't imagine how my dd would feel if she and a couple other kids were kept out of something as neat as the dance program - she would probably throw a fit on them everyday.

My dd turned 5 in December and has been going to preschool since last August - she has 2 weeks left. None of the kids in her class will be in the same Kindergarten as she is (our school district has 9 elementary schools). I picked the preschool because it is highly known in our area and I knew dd would be ready for kindergarten (and she is).

Now if you really like the kindy program she is attending, I would look for a different daycare arrangement for the time that she just needs taken care of.

 

[sashagiselle]

I hope you find a fabulous place for your daughter. Kids are resillient, but to have them be purposely excluded from activities is just awful. Have you thought of coordinating with the other 'non funded' children's moms and having a joint meeting with the director/owner? There were things I wasn't too happy about regarding my dd's kinder class, so I started contacting moms and realized they all had similar concerns. We now have a meeting set up with the school districts superintendent and they assure us that changes will be made. - Good luck!

 

[PrincessBelle39]

I went to have a look at another centre yesterday afternoon. First of all I liked that I didn't have to make an appointment. I was able to just show up. It gave me the feeling that they weren't trying to hide anything. It was extremely loud when I walked in, much more so than than the centre she is at now. I suppose that means they were all having a good time. The room was bright and colourful with artwork everywhere, on the walls, hanging from the ceiling etc. DD was very overwhelmed at first - she is really timid so it was a bit scary for her. We met the staff who all seemed really nice and they told us that some of the kids from her proper kinder program went there on a Friday. That made her really happy. Overall I'm really happy about it and took an enrollment form. I'm going into the other centre today to give notice. We are supposed to give two weeks notice but I'm just going to pay out the two weeks and try and start at the new one on Friday. They have one spot left for that day. The only negative is that they dont provide food at the new centre. She has to take food with her. Its good training though for next year when she goes to school and has to take her own lunch, but I did like the hot meal each day.
I'm still feeling hesitant for a couple of reasons. One because I feel I'm walking out on the other parents leaving their kids in that situation. But that can't be my priority. My priority has to be my dd and I have to do whats best for her. And two, I've been there over 6years with both dd's and I'm disapointed its ending on this note, especially with just 8 months to go before school. But there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about that. I'm sure we will fit in at the new place.
Thanks everyone for your advice. Its been botherin me for some time and I'm glad to finally have a decision.

 

[2Monkeys]

I went to have a look at another centre yesterday afternoon. First of all I liked that I didn't have to make an appointment. I was able to just show up. It gave me the feeling that they weren't trying to hide anything. It was extremely loud when I walked in, much more so than than the centre she is at now. I suppose that means they were all having a good time. The room was bright and colourful with artwork everywhere, on the walls, hanging from the ceiling etc. DD was very overwhelmed at first - she is really timid so it was a bit scary for her. We met the staff who all seemed really nice and they told us that some of the kids from her proper kinder program went there on a Friday. That made her really happy. Overall I'm really happy about it and took an enrollment form. I'm going into the other centre today to give notice. We are supposed to give two weeks notice but I'm just going to pay out the two weeks and try and start at the new one on Friday. They have one spot left for that day. The only negative is that they dont provide food at the new centre. She has to take food with her. Its good training though for next year when she goes to school and has to take her own lunch, but I did like the hot meal each day.
I'm still feeling hesitant for a couple of reasons. One because I feel I'm walking out on the other parents leaving their kids in that situation. But that can't be my priority. My priority has to be my dd and I have to do whats best for her. And two, I've been there over 6years with both dd's and I'm disapointed its ending on this note, especially with just 8 months to go before school. But there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about that. I'm sure we will fit in at the new place.
Thanks everyone for your advice. Its been botherin me for some time and I'm glad to finally have a decision.

It totally sounds like you have made the right decision. It may be hard for your DD at first, but she will adjust and probably be much happier. Excluding kids from programs that they can SEE other kids doing is just downright cruel! The other parents will have to follow their hearts and do what's best for their kids - like you said, you have to make YOUR DD your priority!!!

I understand the disappointment - I worked at the preschool my daughter attended since she was 18 months; all told, our family had been there for 8 years. A new director was hired, and she was very sneaky, rude and dishonest. I ended my job there last August and it was very difficult to end such a long relationship with that school. But, I have a much better job now and am much less stressed!

The bottom line is that if you heart is telling you to make the change, there is a reason!!! You will all probably be much happier in the long run! Good luck!

 

[barnaby1]

I have nothing else to add to other comments. Sounds like you have worked it out and have made the right decision in your gut (which is always the best one when it comes to our children).

I am only saying hello as I am originally from Melbourne and don't see many other posters from my part of the world!