Just wish someone would of told me sooner...

[OU1247]

We are taking care of my mother in law. She has vascular dementia.
A lot like Alzheimer's. It is one of the hardest things ever.

I wish someone would of told me when I was 20 to start buying long term care insurance....It is pretty pricy at 40. I just don't want my kids to go through what we are going through. It is so time consuming and I will be honest...I HATE IT. Then I feel guilty for hating it.

Anyway...any of you young peeps out there....THINK ABOUT IT. You do not want to do what we are having to do everyday.

 

[AuroraBeauty]

I hear you! There are lots of things I wish people would have told me years ago. The only problem is that (1) I wouldn't have had the money to save, invest, buy anything and (2) I probably wouldn't have listened to them anyway.

I'm so sorry to hear that your MIL has Vascular Dimentia. Having had a close family member with Alz, I know how challenging it is for everyone. I truly can't even imagine losing my memory of the most wonderful things in my life. Sure, there are things I wish I could forget (horrible dates, stupid people, bad bosses) but all the loving and beautiful stories and memories. It just makes me sad.

Enjoy the time you have and try to get any of your MIL's thoughts and memories down (if she's not too advanced along) so the kids and grandkids can have joyous memories of a sweeter time.

I wish you only the best.

 

[jagar100]

Funny you brought up LTC insurance. I'm 32 and will buy this coverage within the next couple of months! Premium will be locked in at next to nothing! For those that laugh, think about this: If you are in a car accident and become totally dependant on the care from other's, you are incapacitated, and therefore, could use LTC NOW. It's not just for old people, folks!!!!!!!

 

[PatsMom]

Especially if you are buying coverage young, make sure it has a cost of living increase rider. It should be compound, at least 5% (that's pretty much the max I've seen). I've also seen policies that base the annual increase on the CPI which is better than nothing but not going to keep up with long term care costs. If you buy a policy in your 20's and don't have inflation increases, by the time you need the benefit (statistically it will be 40 years later) the increases in the cost of care will make an uninflated benefit inadequate.

 

[TheDizMom]

I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. I give you lots of credit for doing what you're doing. My grandfather died of Alzheimers, so I know how difficult it is. Don't be so hard on yourself. There is no doubt in my mind that anyone who is dealing with these types of illnesses have their days when they hate it and just wish it would end now. That's normal and not something you should feel guilty about. You are juggling your family life, taking care of a household and an ailing parent. That takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Then you add the stress involved with caring for an elderly parent and you of course will feel overwhelmed and probably even resentment sometimes. Lets face it, it's not something you thought you'd be signing up for when you got married. Allow yourself to have those feelings. You are entitled to feel that way sometimes and if you get all down on yourself for having them you'll drive yourself crazy. Instead of feeling guilty give yourself a pat on the back, allow yourself to feel what you feel and get yourself an appointment at the local spa every so often for a little pampering. You deserve it!

 

[Wendy*Darling]

This was one piece of advice my parents gave us when we got married. My parents bought a policy when they were in their late 20s and are still paying $8/mo for my mom and $14/mo for my Dad.

 

[nyyankeegirl]

Thanks for the tip. I just might have to look into it...

 

[asmit4]

Yup! We are 28, and hope to buy it in our early 30s. The earlier the better. I don't want our kids to have to change our diapers. My mom is a nurse and she sees this all the time. She hates watching things that she feels doesn't uphold the dignity of the elderly. She sees indignity all the time

 

[magic mouse]

I've see so many friends/family lose everything even with LTC. I will be Medicaid Planning!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I've see so many friends/family lose everything even with LTC. I will be Medicaid Planning!

I am sorry but I disagree with you.

Be sure what you will be getting (not receiving) if you or yours ever need nursing care from Medicaid. I guarantee that nobody would ever choose to be cloistered in a Medicaid nursing home. The quality of nursing home, staff, food and basics are significantly lacking or worse (nonexistant).

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

My grandmother had Alzheimers and it was tough, hard work, the hardest of my life, but I would never trust someone outside of the family with her care. She went to stay with her other daughter (my aunt) who had 5 able bodied adults in the home and they didn't take very good a care of her. My mother and I did the best that we could by her and I regret to this day letting her go stay with them, but I had to go back to work. I live with guilty feelings everyday, especially when her birthday rolls around or the aniversary of her death comes around.

I promised her I would never put her in a nursing home or Long Term Care Facility and I meant every word. I care too much about my family to do that. The care providers in those facilities don't care about your family and most of them aren't there long enough to care either. If you can't trust other family members to take care of your loved one, how can you trust strangers.

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I've see so many friends/family lose everything even with LTC. I will be Medicaid Planning!

Yeah, don't count on that. I don't know how old you are, but there may not be any Medicaid when you reach that age and if you have any sort of savings, you won't even qualify for medicaid, so don't count your chickens before they hatch.

Suzanne

 

[asmit4]

I am sorry but I disagree with you.

Be sure what you will be getting (not receiving) if you or yours ever need nursing care from Medicaid. I guarantee that nobody would ever choose to be cloistered in a Medicaid nursing home. The quality of nursing home, staff, food and basics are significantly lacking or worse (nonexistant).

YUP! I have seen it too! Medicaid is great IF you are ALREADY in a great nursing home. They can't boot you out when you lose all your $$$ and need to go on Medicaid. BUT....IF you have something that happens to you (say a stroke) and you are at home when it occurs and after that you need to be put in a nursing home? Medicaid beds that are open are almost always in the WORST facilities. Seen this happen to family and seen my mom lament over this with her patients. (as stated before she is a geriatric nurse often working in the ICU at the Cleveland Clinic).

Bottom line is that we all need to talk with those 'in the know' in our state. Talk to nurses, doctors, elderly parents....figure out what plan of action will yield the most $$$ and the best care. Each state is different, but in Ohio, the above stated is my experience and my mothers.

I have found overall that many of us in our 20s are seriously planning things, perhaps better than our parents (at least in my crowd). We are putting away at least 10% of what we make for retirement, we are looking and finding jobs that have retirement plans that include PPO healthcare upon retirement for you/spouse, we are buying life insurance, we are buying AFLAC type coverage for disability/maternity leave, we are buying long term care insurance earlier. We are planning our lives as if our SS $$ won't even be there in any capacity upon retirement.

I think many of us have seen our parents and grandparents, other family go through so much that we are trying to learn the ropes and hopefully not end up in their boats.

 

[magic mouse]

Spending my savings on Disney and putting the rest in my mattress!

 

[kmodory]

So sorry that you are going through such an ordeal. But, I thank you for putting that out there. I've been thinking about Long-term care insurance and this helped seal the deal. I just wish my parents had it. I worry about their future. Best of luck to you.

 

[buckeyebill1995]

I'm a financial advisor -- you would be shocked at how many people look at me like I'm crazy when I talk to them about Long Term Care insurance if they're under 55 years old! Or worse, they expect that their children will take care of them. In my opinion, next to Life Insurance, it's one of the most important things you can do for your children. I feel for what you are going through, I've been there, and commend you for being proactive in your own life. Hang in there!!!! Don't feel guilty -- you're a good person, but you're only human.

 

[PADISFAM]

I promised her I would never put her in a nursing home or Long Term Care Facility and I meant every word. I care too much about my family to do that. The care providers in those facilities don't care about your family and most of them aren't there long enough to care either. If you can't trust other family members to take care of your loved one, how can you trust strangers.
Suzanne

Im sorry- I don't usually 'get into things on the Dis' (not really my thing)- but that is just rude. I have worked in Long Term Care for over 18 years, I LOVE my residents, they are absolutely fascinating. Is it a difficult job?- of course it is--but I would never want to spend 8 hrs of my day doing anything else ('cept 'cours Disney!). Most of the co-workers I have worked with over the years have felt the same way. & MANY, MANY people (at least at the Nursing Homes I have worked at have been in the same Center for YEARS). Do you lump all teachers together with the same broad cloth you wipe Long Term HealthCare workers? Service employees? daycare workers? You said yourself that FAMILY members didn't take very good care of your Gram, what may I ask is your first hand knowledge of the above very demeaning statement? Again- you yourself said- YOU had to go back to work--I understand that--you had FAMILY that could take care of your Gram & that wasn't very good--what about all of the other people (because let me tell you the LTC industry is BOOMING) that don't have the 'luxury' of having family members care for their eldery loved ones? My proffession (& Disney ) is VERY passionate for me, I worked very hard to get where I am & care for my residents as they were my family (& in my opionion I feel that they are my boss- as w/o them I wouldn't have a job) & it fries me a little bit when I see such broad statements.
OP- :hugs: to your MIL, more important IMO (in a different way) is a Living Will- is she still competent enough to fill one out? If she is do it ASAP!

 

[Colinsmom]

Funny you brought up LTC insurance. I'm 32 and will buy this coverage within the next couple of months! Premium will be locked in at next to nothing!

Read your policy carefully. I don't know if you can find a LTC policy out there where the premium is "locked in" - most of them allow for future rate increases, although the insurance companies must file with and get approval from the state insurance department before jacking up your rates. You might see the words "Guaranteed Renewable" which just means that they can't cancel you, but it doesn't mean that your premium is guaranteed.

That said, you'll still definitely pay a much lower annual premium if you purchase in your 30's vs. purchasing in your 50's or 60's!

 

[OU1247]

Thanks for everyones comments. It is very hard on us because my husband is an only child and there is NO OTHER family so it is just us. Throw in our 2 active children, work, and well LIFE and it does make for a very stressful day.

I think we have arranged a respet care in our local hospital when we go to Disney next month....

I just know I don't want my kids to feel the way I do. The sad thing is...she doesn't have a life she eats, sleeps and repeat.

It is also something with no end in site. This may sound HORRID but if she had cancer and was given 6mths to live you know you can do anything. However when you are looking at 10 to 12 years it makes you FREAK OUT.

Thanks Disners....Helping me vent...has really helped.

 

[THUNDERMOUNTAINMOMMA]

Thanks for everyones comments. It is very hard on us because my husband is an only child and there is NO OTHER family so it is just us. Throw in our 2 active children, work, and well LIFE and it does make for a very stressful day.

I think we have arranged a respet care in our local hospital when we go to Disney next month....

I just know I don't want my kids to feel the way I do. The sad thing is...she doesn't have a life she eats, sleeps and repeat.

It is also something with no end in site. This may sound HORRID but if she had cancer and was given 6mths to live you know you can do anything. However when you are looking at 10 to 12 years it makes you FREAK OUT.

Thanks Disners....Helping me vent...has really helped.

I've been in your shoes. I took care of my Mom who has advanced

Parkinsons disease up until 2 months ago. We made the decision together to

move her to an ALF. Well, it has been the best thing! She is very happy

there and she is getting wonderful care and treatment there! Thankfully she

was prepared financially to pay for good care. I didn't want to sent her

initially, but my helath is not good, either, and was suffering. Anyways....I

just want you to know that you are not alone, and hugs are sent your way!

Your husband is very fortunate to have you. Please make sure you enjoy

your time at WDW with your family. Your deserve that!