just curious dont want this to get out of control bathroom use

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

We, of course, cannot know for sure, but I highly doubt OP just silently chose to wait to use the restroom. Most people would not describe that as an "incident" and be looking for validation about what "happened to me" if they simply waited casually for the restroom. Also, I know OP is making some attempts to be sensitive in their wording now, but this "incident" happened several years ago when it was much more socially acceptable to make comments when seeing "guys dressed as women" in public. If the daughter was the manager and her mother was making a scene at her work or making paying customers feel uncomfortable, I think she would be justified in being upset with her. If mom simply waited a few minutes and then went into the restroom herself, daughter likely would not have even noticed.

Okay so I think I’m beginning to understand. You would prefer people to assume the best of their fellow humans. The only thing I’m still confused about is why you repeatedly chose to assume the worst of OP.
-You “highly doubt” she stayed silent and didn’t speak to the 3 men entering the women’s restroom. There is no evidence thus far that she said anything to those men that made her feel uncomfortable.

- You characterize OP’s wording as “attempting” to be sensitive. Maybe she *is* actually being sensitive rather than just attempting to be.

- You characterize OP’s behavior as “making a scene and making paying customers feel uncomfortable.” (Hyperbole much?) Where did you glean that info from? I must have missed it.

 

[Living42Day]

You were not in the wrong, I would not feel comfortable with men being in the women's restroom - especially with the wide gaps between the doors. Your feelings are just as valid.

 

[Living42Day]

Also wanted to add - when Target came out with their decision to have gender-inclusive bathrooms, I just go back to the pharmacy and use the single-stall family restroom that they have back there. Luckily I haven't used the restroom when I've been in there for years, but that is what I would do if I needed to use one. I live in a fairly moderate-conservative suburban area, so there are not many flamboyantly transgender or transvestite members of the community so the chances of me sharing a restroom with a man are not high but I am not willing to take that risk (I say flamboyantly because perhaps I have shared a restroom with someone who was transgender without knowing because they had fully transitioned and "passed" as a woman enough for me to not notice).

It's all about risk mitigation. Some people are all for sharing a restroom across genders, but there are many who are not at the point that they feel safe doing so and probably never will be -which is completely fine and valid.

 

[Turn the Page]

Also wanted to add - when Target came out with their decision to have gender-inclusive bathrooms, I just go back to the pharmacy and use the single-stall family restroom that they have back there. Luckily I haven't used the restroom when I've been in there for years, but that is what I would do if I needed to use one. I live in a fairly moderate-conservative suburban area, so there are not many flamboyantly transgender or transvestite members of the community so the chances of me sharing a restroom with a man are not high but I am not willing to take that risk (I say flamboyantly because perhaps I have shared a restroom with someone who was transgender without knowing because they had fully transitioned and "passed" as a woman enough for me to not notice).

It's all about risk mitigation. Some people are all for sharing a restroom across genders, but there are many who are not at the point that they feel safe doing so and probably never will be -which is completely fine and valid.

If it helps, I am biologically and culturally female, and heterosexual, and I am 100% confident that both Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox look far better in a dress than I do. They would pass in the women's room better than I do.

I do remember when Target announced the gender inclusive bathrooms and I also remember when vigilantes decided to be the arbiters of who was allowed in the ladies room and who wasn't. I often wondered where they would direct me if I were to show up to my local target in my standard issue jeans and flannel shirt. How does one prove to random strangers that they deserve to use ladies room?

 

[thinkerbell]

double post

 

[thinkerbell]

You are correct to be cautious. My 13-year-old daughter recently went to the bathroom in a Barnes & Noble (small store) and had a man follow her as she exited the bathroom until she found my brother (I was not there at the time). She noticed right away he was following her and went right to my brother. This man could have easily followed her into the bathroom!!! Another local restaurant had a woman get sexually assaulted in the women's bathroom. And, this was not in a big city! I give my kids some freedom in stores, but I am becoming increasingly aware that I need to be vigilant watching out for myself and them. My kids know this too and are aware of their surroundings.

You are smart to be cautious as well.Those who think it is no big deal haven’t had something traumatic happen in a public bathroom. Men should NOT be in women’s restrooms. I am so thankful that most places have family restrooms now.

 

[CdnCarrie]

You are smart to be cautious as well.Those who think it is no big deal haven’t had something traumatic happen in a public bathroom. Men should NOT be in women’s restrooms. I am so thankful that most places have family restrooms now.

Is it common to have something traumatic happen in a public bathroom where you live?
Never in my life have I heard of someone having a traumatic public bathroom experience except on the Disboards.

 

[thinkerbell]

Didn’t say it was common, but crime everywhere is common. Why make it easier for women to be taken advantage of? I don’t think much about someone breaking into my house because it has never happened to me, but I’m not going to leave my doors and windows open to invite something bad to happen.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Didn’t say it was common, but crime everywhere is common. Why make it easier for women to be taken advantage of? I don’t think much about someone breaking into my house because it has never happened to me, but I’m not going to leave my doors and windows open to invite something bad to happen.

True. Which is why this whole thread seems like a lot of hyperbole over something extremely rare.

I mean I see a remote rest stop or a empty campus building maybe but Applebees restrooms? Magic kingdom washrooms? Walmart with people streaming in and out?

And if they aren’t in the next stall then if they are intent on attacking a lone female is the sign saying Women on the door keeping them out?

 

[loves to dive]

OP are you out of line to feel uncomfortable, of course not. We all have our own comfort level. Would it bother me? Nope, I've actually used the men's room on occasion (they never have lines and when I was pregnant there was no way I could wait). I have 5 older brothers, no sisters and grew up in houses with only one bathroom. If there were less than 2 people in the bathroom on a school morning something was very wrong. There are stalls in public bathrooms with doors. Do the doors always lock? Nope, I just sort of prop my leg up if I can't get the door to stay shut without the lock. If it stays shut but doesn't lock, I really don't care. It's not like any of us are stripping down, we are using the toilet, washing our hands and leaving. And if anyone, male/female is stripping down, ain't nothing I haven't seen before.

 

[mjkacmom]

Didn’t say it was common, but crime everywhere is common. Why make it easier for women to be taken advantage of? I don’t think much about someone breaking into my house because it has never happened to me, but I’m not going to leave my doors and windows open to invite something bad to happen.

The last person I’m afraid will harm me in a bathroom is a transgendered female.

 

[sam_gordon]

Didn’t say it was common, but crime everywhere is common. Why make it easier for women to be taken advantage of? I don’t think much about someone breaking into my house because it has never happened to me, but I’m not going to leave my doors and windows open to invite something bad to happen.

How does it make it easier for women to be taken advantage of? What keeps a non-trans male from following a woman into the bathroom and taking advantage of her?

 

[Bad Pink Tink 2.0]

I live in a fairly moderate-conservative suburban area, so there are not many flamboyantly transgender or transvestite members of the community

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/transvestite
an offensive word for a person who sometimes wears the clothes usually worn by people of a different gender, especially a man who sometimes wears the clothes, make-up, jewellery, etc. usually worn by women
Note:
This word is offensive to many people. Do not use it unless a person describes themselves using this word.

 

[DisneyOma]

You are smart to be cautious as well.Those who think it is no big deal haven’t had something traumatic happen in a public bathroom. Men should NOT be in women’s restrooms. I am so thankful that most places have family restrooms now.

Please clarify what you mean by "men" - cisgender male, biologically male but transgender, biological female but transgender. And aren't family restrooms for families (two or more people), not single people? I guess if you are afraid of being in a public bathroom by yourself, then the family restroom is a good solution, but what do you do in dressing rooms, other public places, etc? Bathrooms are not notoriously riddled with crime compared to any other place, IMO.

 

[Boopuff]

Honestly, my dad said many years ago "why can't we all just go together?" after waiting for my mom and me to come out of the ladies room at a Cubs game. It always seems that the ladies get the crazy long lines and men breeze in and out (snicker) My oldest DD went to a university that's expanding. She got to stay in a new dorm. The bathroom was great. A row of sinks and a giant mirror, locking cubbies for their toiletries, and private, individual shower/toilet stalls. 4 rooms shared this configuration. So 2 rooms could be boys and the other girls. She never had a single issue. If making large, multi-sex bathrooms is the way of the future, just make sure we can do our business in a fully enclosed space.

 

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/transvestite
an offensive word for a person who sometimes wears the clothes usually worn by people of a different gender, especially a man who sometimes wears the clothes, make-up, jewellery, etc. usually worn by women
Note:
This word is offensive to many people. Do not use it unless a person describes themselves using this word.

​

I looked up the same word on 3 different websites. Below are top 3 websites presented to me when I looked up the word. Their definitions look nothing like what you posted. How far down did you scroll to find that one? Also, in your last paragraph you chose to dictate to the other poster what they can and cannot say. I’m curious, is there a class, or maybe a seminar I can take to achieve a similar status as yours that might allow me to make those types of dictatorial edicts? It seems like a useful medal for sure.

MIRRIAM-WEBSTER:​

flamboyant​

1 of 2

adjective​

flam·boy·ant flam-ˈbȯi-ənt

Synonyms of flamboyant
1
: marked by or given to strikingly elaborate or colorful display or behavior
a flamboyant performer
2
often capitalized : characterized by waving curves suggesting flames
flamboyant tracery

flamboyant architecture

​

DICTIONARY.COM:​

flamboyant​

[ flam-boi-uhnt ]SHOW IPA

See synonyms for: flamboyantflamboyanceflamboyantly on Thesaurus.com

---

adjective

1. strikingly bold or brilliant; showy: flamboyant colors.
   
   
2. conspicuously dashing and colorful: the flamboyant idol of international society.
3. flamboyant
   
   
   
   
   
   UK
   
   
   /flæmˈbɔɪ.ənt/ US
   
   /flæmˈbɔɪ.ənt/
   
   

   DICTIONARY.CAMBRIDGE.
   

   ORG:​

   
   

   flamboyant adjective (PEOPLE)​

   Add to word list
   very confident in your behaviour, and liking to be noticed by other people, for example because of the way you dress, talk, etc.:
   a flamboyant gesture
   The writer's flamboyant lifestyle was well known.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   ​

 

[Moliphino]

​

I looked up the same word on 3 different websites. Below are top 3 websites presented to me when I looked up the word. Their definitions look nothing like what you posted. How far down did you scroll to find that one? Also, in your last paragraph you chose to dictate to the other poster what they can and cannot say. I’m curious, is there a class, or maybe a seminar I can take to achieve a similar status as yours that might allow me to make those types of dictatorial edicts? It seems like a useful medal for sure.

MIRRIAM-WEBSTER:​

flamboyant​

1 of 2

adjective​

flam·boy·ant flam-ˈbȯi-ənt

Synonyms of flamboyant
1
: marked by or given to strikingly elaborate or colorful display or behavior
a flamboyant performer
2
often capitalized : characterized by waving curves suggesting flames
flamboyant tracery

flamboyant architecture

​

DICTIONARY.COM:​

flamboyant​

[ flam-boi-uhnt ]SHOW IPA

See synonyms for: flamboyantflamboyanceflamboyantly on Thesaurus.com

---

adjective

1. strikingly bold or brilliant; showy: flamboyant colors.
   
   
2. conspicuously dashing and colorful: the flamboyant idol of international society.
3. flamboyant
   
   
   
   
   
   UK
   
   
   /flæmˈbɔɪ.ənt/ US
   
   /flæmˈbɔɪ.ənt/
   
   

   DICTIONARY.CAMBRIDGE.​

   ORG:​

   ​

   flamboyant adjective (PEOPLE)​

   Add to word list
   very confident in your behaviour, and liking to be noticed by other people, for example because of the way you dress, talk, etc.:
   a flamboyant gesture
   The writer's flamboyant lifestyle was well known.
   
   
   
   
   ​

They were talking about "transvestite" not "flamboyant"

 

[mjkacmom]

https://omh.ny.gov/omhweb/resources/publications/language-matters-gender.pdf

Ive never met a flamboyant transgender person, women act like women, men act like men, it’s not like they are all drag queens (or that the majority of drag queens are transgender).

 

[leahgoogle]

My top hits also didn't mention anything derogatory....​

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/transvestite​

Transvestite Definition & Meaning​

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/transvestite
Merriam-Webster
https://www.merriam-webster.com › dictionary › trans...



The meaning of TRANSVESTITE is a person who wears clothes designed for the opposite sex : a cross-dresser. How to use transvestite in a sentence.

Transvestite, Transsexual, and Transgender: The Difference​

McLean Clinic
https://www.topsurgery.ca › blog › transvestite-transse...



This is an all-inclusive term used by people who feel their assigned sex does not match up to their gender identity, behaviour, expression, or general sense of ...

TRANSVESTITE Definition & Usage Examples​

Dictionary.com
https://www.dictionary.com › browse › transvestite



Someone who dresses in the clothes usually worn by the opposite sex. Transvestites may be bisexual, heterosexual, or homosexual (see bisexuality, ...


Vocabulary.com
https://www.vocabulary.com › dictionary › transvestite



A man who identifies himself as a transvestite likes to wear clothing that is typically thought of as feminine or womanly.

 

[leahgoogle]

I really wasn't sure how I felt about this and then I used the bathrooms at my daughter's basketball tournament today. They were normal stalls with gaps and the doors didn't touch the ground. I definitely would not feel comfortable with men using the bathroom in that situation especially with many young girls using the bathrooms. Single-room bathrooms where only one uses it at a time would be ok. DD is 13 and she definitely said she would not feel comfortable with boys or men using the same bathroom.