Just a whine.....

[Fishbone†]

I'm getting married in 38 days, and I'm really excited, but I'm frustrated with the planning right now. My DH2B and I love to fish and hunt together, and want to put elements of this into our wedding..... on the other side, I'm an only girl, and my mom is a decorator, so she (and I in many cases) want some elegance, and then there's the princess/Disney/Fairytale/romantic side of me.... which fits okay with my mom's desires. So, we kind of came up with a good way to keep the "fairytale/storybook" theme in the ceremony part, and the fishing/hunting in the reception. But, we really need to incorporate the fishing theme in an elegant wedding like fashion so it's not redneck. I think we've done well, but I constantly feel like I'm compromising what I really want for my mom or my DH2B. Tonight it was the cake.... it needs to be elegant -he wants theming. I HATE spacing - pillars or even the 1 inch spaces. I want them stacked... he wants spacing - he'll settle for just a small space, but he's insisting on spacing. I want them stacked. I want elegance... I suggested jeweled bobbers, I suggested subtle theming (bobbers, lures, etc sculptured into the white frosting). He wants flowers, colors, and lots of character. I like simple. Last week it was the invites. DH2B and I had picked a hunting picture for the seal on the invite. My mom wanted our "engagement picture". I settled for the hunting picture on his family and our friends and let her do the other picture on our family and their friends. What do I care I guess?? He was frustrated - wanted to know why I let her have her way. It only affects the people my family knows - what difference does it make if it makes her happy? And does it really matter if the cake has spacing - all we're going to do is eat it? So I'll settled for a small spacer. But my mom knows I want stacked, and she prefers it too, so then it's a struggle between him and her because she feels like he's controlling me. I just want everyone to be happy. He has a lot of opinions about a lot of the planning..... some just don't match up. My mom has a lot of opinions about the planning... some just don't match up. It's all working out, and it's really not an issue - just more of an annoyance, and just once I want them both to look at me and say "Yeah, I like that too."

Okay - just saying it makes me feel better.

Thing is, I've said from the beginning, at the end of the day I'll have married my best friend, and my only desire is that everyone has a good time celebrating that with us. Everything else is just details, and 10 years down the road no one will remember those details. This is my mom's only chance to put on the wedding - they have graciously offered to pay every cent... we've picked up a couple of the items because we felt we could and should, but they are putting out the large majority of it without question or complaint about cost. I want her to be happy with the outcome, and as they are paying for it, they should have some say - but more importantly, she's having fun, and she wants to do it right. He wants to be part of the planning - I'm grateful. Most men don't want anything to do with it. He wants to help - I'm grateful for the support. It's fun to do this together.... it's fun to have him along.... I'm grateful I'm not nagging and dragging him kicking and screaming. I'm lucky - really I am. A supportive DH2B, supportive parents, a great family...... just differing opinions I guess.

 

[freckles and boo]

It isn't your mom's wedding, even though she is paying. She can offer advice and limit your budget, but the decisions are yours and your future husband's. Get married in your camos and waders if you want. You don't want to be caught in the middle now because it can only get more challenging down the road. This is yet another reason why I eloped.

Anyway, congrats on the wedding. Good luck keeping each party in their respective corner.

 

[diznygirl]

Which is why someone invented the Groom's Cake!!!

Get two cakes. End of argument. Feel better!

 

[Fan2CSkr]

I didnt get through the whole post yet but as far as the cake goes its very common to have 2 cakes one for the groom and that way he can have whatever he likes!

 

[RNMOM]

I am amazed you keep it together so well. You put your feelings so well that I think printing out your post and giving each a copy would be a good idea. You haven't said negative things at all but have been able to express how you feel. Not once did you whine about not getting your way. Good for you.

You're right, it is only a small piece of the huge puzzle of marriage. Do try to have some things go your way..it is your day too. I think both of them are lucky to have you in their lives. I also think you are right about having a fiancee who is willing to deal with the details, so many men run the other way and it is so difficult making all those decisions. Your mom sounds like a terrific woman to finance the wedding and work so well with you.

Good luck with all the planning and have a wonderful married life.

 

[rie'smom]

I say have a groom's cake that he can have all the input he wants. You can have the wedding cake stacked. It maybe an introduction to the types of compromises that come up in marriages all the time.

Your mom and fiance seem to be having a tug of war and they're using you as the rope. It's a tricky situation but you're going to spend the rest of your life with this man. Just remember this if any difficulties arise.

 

[robinb]

Jeweled bobbers on the cake !

Sorry ... now that I'm done laughing ... you are allowing you mother to pay for your wedding and you and your DFi are surprised that she wants it her way?

FWIW, my DH and I had bride and groom COWS on our cheesecake wedding cake. We paid for the whole thing and were beholden to no one.

 

[rie'smom]

My parents paid for my wedding and I planned it my way. When my daughter gets married one day,my husband and I plan to pay for hers too. I thought most parents paid for their daughter's wedding.?

 

[robinb]

I thought most parents paid for their daughter's wedding.?

How old were you when you were married? I was in my 30's and could afford it myself. Plus ... I knew better than rely on my mother to pay for things since she was a single parent on disability. I think the whole "parents pay" thing is BS. We're saving for my DD's college, but she's on her own when she gets married. Or ... I'll nix the Cows and Jeweled Bobbers for something I like better, LOL!

 

[freckles and boo]

My parents paid for my wedding and I planned it my way. When my daughter gets married one day,my husband and I plan to pay for hers too. I thought most parents paid for their daughter's wedding.?

It seems to me to be a remnant of the "please take my daughter off my hands/dowery" days. There are complicated traditions and points of etiquette associated with weddings, including the idea of the parents of the bride paying most of the costs. In reality the costs are more often divided between the bride and groom and both sets of parents. It was out of the question to ask my parents to pay for a wedding - they simply didn't have the resources and they still had young kids at home. If after paying for college there is money available, my daughters can choose to use it for a wedding or (preferrably) a down payment on a home. I should be so rich!

 

[dreamcometrue]

I know this isn't really "fishing" related, but it IS fish related...

We went to a wedding once and the center pieces on every table was one of those small bowls with glass rocks the same color as the wedding color, and it had beta fish in it! I thought that was SO neat! At the end of the reception the kids that attended got to take one of the fish home!

 

[dreamcometrue]

My parents paid for my wedding and I planned it my way. When my daughter gets married one day,my husband and I plan to pay for hers too. I thought most parents paid for their daughter's wedding.?

although, my parents paid for my wedding, it is not the norm anymore. I have plenty of friends where the cost was split either between the bride's and groom's parents or the couple covered part of the cost!

 

[twinklebug]

From what I've seen in my own family, you can easilly combine the princess and hunting theme into one cake with taste. First order what YOU would consider the perfect cake and then have them put just a little bride on top with no groom. If anyone asks, simply state the groom's gone off fishing/hunting.

 

[mickeyboat]

Congrats! And Planning a wedding is stressful.

Someday you will look back at your wedding and wonder what the fuss was all about. Things that seemed all-important back then, really make no difference at all 15 years and 2 kids later.

Try to relax, take a deep breath, and compromise. Keep telling yourself that it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage. It sounds like you are doign a good job at that already.

Good luck!

Denae

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

You sound like you need a hug.

Marriage is all about compromise, and it's great to see that you are doing so well with it already. It must be dissapointing in a way, though, because the wedding is all about the bride. I am all for the idea of a groom cake... it's a good way to have it both ways.

Good luck, with both the wedding and with your marriage. Congrats!

 

[disneyred]

I think it also goes to custom...
I have heard some customs have the brides' family paying the total price of the wedding while other customs have the groom's bride paying.

 

[helenabear]

Good luck with teh last bit of planning.

The cake thing rings a bell. I wanted one way and my DH wanted another. We compromised. We had the big layer on the bottom, small pillars and then the other two were stacked. It actually did look elegant, and I was happy as was my DH.

 

[*JoGo*]

I think you should have a groom's cake.... do the one cake as you/your mom want, and if your parents had planned on paying for that, let them. Then do a groom's cake for your dh2b - and you pay for that. You could even do that as a surprise for him.... unless doing the cake as you want to is causing problems between the two of you, then I'd tell him so he doesn't get mad or feel his wants/opinion is not being heard.