Jump start your marriage?

[Deparfea]

testing

 

[lovemygoofy]

Would your husband be willing to read any books? I can recomend the 5 Languages of Love or another book called the Love Bank. Both are similiar but I think the 5 languages of love goes more in depth. It's about how you want to be appreciated and seeing how your loved one wants to be appreciated. It also helps you learn to communicate with that person using their love language.

I first I was like whatever but my husband and I went to the siminar to set a good example but did learn I am words of appreciation(or however it's called) and he is time together. So to show him I love him and appreciate him I try to spend time with him doing nothing or maybe taking a walk then maybe on Monday he'll leave me a note telling me he sees how hard I work for him.

Do you go to church? Maybe you could try talking with your pastor or joining a martial group that is working on their marriages. Good luck, just looking for ways to improve shows that you still care.

 

[Vivianne]

It's really hard to generalize but alot of problems start when one of the spouses are either feeling neglected in some way. It's how the other person makes you feel. Communication is the only real thing that's going to help. There's no magic cure for what ails you. Relationships are work.

You may need couple time. You definitely need to take some time out and do something exclusively with each other. Go on a date at least once a week. Which may very well lead you into talking and solving what's bothering you. Hope this helps.

 

[bosstoboss]

I have been in your situation before.

We do a lot of things together now, like going out to lunch once a week. Also, we go to a pub near our house once a week. It is very relaxing to have a drink together and just talk about different things.

Me and my husband are very close now, he is my best friend! We always talk about growing old together and how we are going to take care of each other. I know sounds corny, but it's actually nice.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

If we don't know "the other reason" not sure most of us to give advice.

If you are in such crisis why would you not seek counseling?

 

[Jeafl]

You both have to make up your mind that you are going to give more than 50% to the relationship, and you have to do it without feeling resentful.

I have been married 21 years, and about 3 or 4 years ago, it just seemed like we were not connecting as much, it almost felt like we were leading parallel lives instead of a common life. We decided on our own to try harder to connect. Now we send quick emails to each other during the day just to say hi and that we are thinking about each other. We also make it a point to sit together without the kids at some point at night and just talk about our days.

If possible, try to have a non-negotiable date night scheduled once or twice a month. Even if it is just a walk around the block at night. You have to decide to put each other first, even before children. That is not to say you should neglect your kids, but your relationship with him has to be a priority. I just tell myself the dishes can wait, the laundry can wait, but my husband cannot.

Also, intimacy is really important in feeling connected. Even if you don't feel like it, throw yourself into it anyway and you may surprise yourself.

Good luck to you, I know it isn't easy.

 

[MAKmom]

Dh and I have been struggling a bit these last few months. It's nothing too major (ie. no major blow-up fights, no cheating, etc..), but things are difficult in other ways. We're not connecting and the frustration is getting to me. It's like we are constantly disappointing each other. We tried counselling a few years ago (for another reason) and it helped a little, but I just don't want to go back to it, at least not right now.

Do any of you have some advice on how to get your relationship back on track? What have you done in your own experiences? Thank you.

Try not to have expectation. Try to focus on what you are doing not what he is doing. If one person changes behavior it changes everything.

If it continues to be hard maybe you are not following your path. Life is hard but your close relationships should give you joy. They take twist & turn through the years. You deal & grow with bad times. But the bad times in a marriage should be the exception not the rule. I'm not saying bad thing do not happen to the family often I mean it should not be the excuse the marriage is wrong or strained.

 

[TheGoofster]

It sounds like you are in that dreaded thing called a RUT. A rut, unlike a crisis or major problem is when not a lot of bad things are happening, but neither is there a bunch of good things happening. You just kind of go along, letting life pass, simply co-existing with each other.
The first thing you should do is to find a way to break that rut. Take a week off (even if you can't afford it), and go somewhere together, just to change your daily schedule. During that week, do things together. Find ways to break your daily routine. Now that you are actualy spending time together, start communicating. Nothing can break a rut faster than talking to each other. Find out if there is a reason for why you or your spouse is feeling like you do. Find out if there is a change you can make to add some excitement to your marriage.
OK, now you are actually spending some quality time together, you are making an effort to communicate, and you have discovered that there are some things that each of you can change to improve your relationship. Now comes the hardest part of all - MAKE THE CHANGES. It sure is easy to talk about doing something, but all too often when we get back into our daily routines, we find ourselves falling right back into the same problematic habits. Don't let yourself fall back into the rut. Make some changes. Even if it means giving up something that you like, do whatever it takes to ensure continued quality time and open communication. There aren't any quick fixes to most problems. Invest the time and effort to change what you need to, and get out of your rut.