JOE MILLIONAIRE, BACHELORETTE TO CREATE MUTANT RACE OF VAPID IDIOTS
First Progeny Planned for November Sweeps
Joe Millionaire hunk Evan Marriott and Bachelorette beauty Trista Rehn have dumped their recently selected mates in order to join forces and create what they called a mutant race of vapid idiots, the dimwitted duo revealed today.
The reigning king and queen of reality TV expect to produce their first progeny in November 2003, just in time for the all-important ratings sweeps period.
At a joint news conference in Burbank, California, Mr. Marriott and Ms. Rehn discussed their ambitious plans for creating a mutant race who would be bred for one purpose and one purpose only: to appear on reality TV programs for the entire duration of their natural lives.
Mr. Marriott and Mr. Rehn were wed last night in a private ceremony attended only by executives from ABC, Fox and a randomly selected focus group.
Moments after saying I do, however, Mr. Marriott dropped yet another of his trademark bombshells on his new bride.
Not only do I not have fifty million dollars, Mr. Marriott said, I dont have fifty IQ points.
The couple is planning to spend their honeymoon in Hawaii, where they will learn to spell their names, tie their shoes and use simple tools.
The nuptials of Mr. Marriott and Ms. Rehn ignited a feverish flurry of bidding from the major networks, all of which are vying for the exclusive TV rights to the celebrity couples proposed mutant brood.
This show is going to be the hottest thing on TV, unless someone finds operating-room footage of Michael Jacksons original face being removed, one network insider said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
First Progeny Planned for November Sweeps
Joe Millionaire hunk Evan Marriott and Bachelorette beauty Trista Rehn have dumped their recently selected mates in order to join forces and create what they called a mutant race of vapid idiots, the dimwitted duo revealed today.
The reigning king and queen of reality TV expect to produce their first progeny in November 2003, just in time for the all-important ratings sweeps period.
At a joint news conference in Burbank, California, Mr. Marriott and Ms. Rehn discussed their ambitious plans for creating a mutant race who would be bred for one purpose and one purpose only: to appear on reality TV programs for the entire duration of their natural lives.
Mr. Marriott and Mr. Rehn were wed last night in a private ceremony attended only by executives from ABC, Fox and a randomly selected focus group.
Moments after saying I do, however, Mr. Marriott dropped yet another of his trademark bombshells on his new bride.
Not only do I not have fifty million dollars, Mr. Marriott said, I dont have fifty IQ points.
The couple is planning to spend their honeymoon in Hawaii, where they will learn to spell their names, tie their shoes and use simple tools.
The nuptials of Mr. Marriott and Ms. Rehn ignited a feverish flurry of bidding from the major networks, all of which are vying for the exclusive TV rights to the celebrity couples proposed mutant brood.
This show is going to be the hottest thing on TV, unless someone finds operating-room footage of Michael Jacksons original face being removed, one network insider said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
)
Not sure any of them are "reality"!
