It's tough, but I'm letting my 8th grader handle it <m>

[mjkacmom]

Dd13 has to turn in her English journal tomorrow, and it's nowhere to be found (they write in it 1 - 3 times a week). The last time she remembers seeing it was last week in lunch. She's torn apart the house, and checked lost and found. This will count towards a large chunk of her grade. She asked me to write a note to the teacher, and I told her she needed to talk to her teacher, and face the consequences.

My dd is usually VERY organized, gets all of her work done on her own, studies, and does her projects independently. She's never gotten less than an A, is in all vector classes, and has always gotten on the high honor roll. She is so upset!

I advised her to go see the teacher before class, and see if there is anyway to make up at least part of the grade. Unfortunately, she might be stuck with the zero (I actually had this teacher when I was in 8th grade - not the nicest).

It's tough to let them grow up!

 

[teacups]

Yes it is tough.
If she has known for a week that it is lost... and she hasnt been writing in it for that week, she's behind in her work anyway and she really does need to face this. Poor thing. I feel sorry for her, but you are totally doing the right thing. Sounds like you have a very intelligent kid. Im sure she'll do fine.

 

[koolaidmoms]

Wow. Great mom.

It is tough wanting to protect them because you know she did the work. But, letting her handle it will benefit her in the long run. Hopefully the teacher will be understanding and not come down on her as hard as you think she may.

 

[cruisnfamily]

What could you have written anyway?

"my dd lost her journal"? How would that have helped her? As far as I'm concerned the only choice is to let her handle it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thanks - I did ask her why she didn't tell the teacher last week, and she said she was sure it would turn up. I think she needs to man-up, and try to work out a solution (such as making up the journal entries for 1/2 credit). It's not like the grade is going on her record for college, but she has to maintain an A average to get into vector English in HS next year (did I just say HS?! ). Maybe she can do some extra work to make this up - but I'm staying out.

 

[TwingleMum]

Good for you for being a Mom and not a "friend". Sure its nice to be your kids friend but its more important to be their parent. Kudos to you.

 

[clh2]

Yep - you get "great mom points" for this!!!

I am totally of the opinion that while these are tough lessons, your DD will benefit in the long term...

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Good plan.

 

[AC7179]

Can she call a friend and get the journal prompts, then do them all tonight? She may be up for hours, but better than a zero.

 

[bumbershoot]

What could you have written anyway?

"my dd lost her journal"? How would that have helped her? As far as I'm concerned the only choice is to let her handle it.

"I have seen my daughter write in the journal on a regular basis, and verify that she seemed truly concerned over the weekend, and made a huge effort to find it". Something like that would have been nice. My mom surely would have written THAT for me.

Might not help with what she has to do to make it up, but verifying for the teacher that she does seem to be telling the truth just seems like a kind thing to do as a parent (or human).

 

[FireDancer]

I applaud your decision. If you consider school as preparing your child for life then they will have to learn some life lessons. If she was in college and lost her thesis a note from mom wouldn't do. If I walked into a meeting with the CEO and had a note from mommy instead of our strategic technology proposal for next year it wouldn't go over very well.

You find out in about 10 minutes who in the office had parents that handled all their problems for them growing up and they are not the people you want to work with. I think in the long run the lessons learned the hard way are the ones you learn the best (and the first time).

I do hope she manages to find it though for her sake.

 

[3boymthr]

She definitely should speak with the teacher before class. DS had a book disappear last year and didn't want to own up to it to the teacher. Turns out the teacher had it. At our school often when items of this nature are found by the janitors/school staff they are turned into the teacher who uses them as a tool not the lost and found. The teacher knew it was his but didn't say anything because she was waiting to see if he would man up and say anything.

 

[Longsx3]

Our daughter's sound a lot a like; on Friday she accidentally left her Alg HW in the car. When I picked her up she found it and took it to her Alg teacher so he could see it, his response was that he was sure she had done it and had not given her a zero because she always has her HW. I was a little surprised because he is really tough, but teachers do take notice of which student do their work and those who don't... hopefully your DD's teacher will be understanding.

 

[brittanyherndon]

I applaud your decision. If you consider school as preparing your child for life then they will have to learn some life lessons. If she was in college and lost her thesis a note from mom wouldn't do. If I walked into a meeting with the CEO and had a note from mommy instead of our strategic technology proposal for next year it wouldn't go over very well.

I agree with that

You find out in about 10 minutes who in the office had parents that handled all their problems for them growing up and they are not the people you want to work with. I think in the long run the lessons learned the hard way are the ones you learn the best (and the first time).

I do hope she manages to find it though for her sake.

She definitely should speak with the teacher before class. DS had a book disappear last year and didn't want to own up to it to the teacher. Turns out the teacher had it. At our school often when items of this nature are found by the janitors/school staff they are turned into the teacher who uses them as a tool not the lost and found. The teacher knew it was his but didn't say anything because she was waiting to see if he would man up and say anything.

Do you think the teacher could have found the journal

 

[NHdisneylover]

It sounds like you are a very good mom. I appluad you for supporting her (helping give her ideas like appraoch the teacher before class) but not handling it for her. I agree with other pps that she will learn a lot from dealing with this herself (perhaps as much as she has learned in class). Good for you I know it is so hard to watch them struggle.

 

[barkley]

good for you mom! she needs to take responsibility for this-and if she gets a bum grade she will definatly learn from it.

dd has to journal everyday in english and at the end of the quarter they have to turn it in for a big chunk of their grade, but i like what her teacher has put in place-he said he had a few of the students he absolutly knew had been journaling misplace/lose theirs so now he makes them show him the journals once a week-he keeps a tally as well as initialing the top of the page for the date they showed it to him. the grade ends up being 50% based on their weekly submissions, and 50% based on whatever the journaling criteria is. he sez this also discourages the kids from waiting till the last minute to write an entire quarter's worth of entries

btw-any chance it slipped out in the bus or car. our bus driver finds a wealth of stuff every day-and we've found some spiral bounds that have slipped between the back and seat of the car cushions-it's worth a look.

 

[susykt4]

You rock! My mom was the WORST about hovering and intruding where she didn't belong. She loved to schedule parent-teacher conferences and more or less go off on the teachers for what "they" were doing wrong if I got a lower than expected grade. It was beyond humiliating and it backfired on me. I'll never forget my freshman year of high school I was having a rough time with honors algebra. I worked my butt off to bring up my grade from a C the first quarter to an A the second quarter. I ended the second quarter with a 92.4 (93 was an A) and the teacher wouldn't bump it up or give me extra credit because he'd argued with my mom that maybe I wasn't capable of an A in his class. After that I pretty much stopped trying. I won't even get into the junior high teacher who absolutely hated me because of my mother's interfering...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Man that sucks.....I have a 13yodd that would be freaking out as well. What can you do though? I am tossing out some for both of you.

 

[mjkacmom]

"I have seen my daughter write in the journal on a regular basis, and verify that she seemed truly concerned over the weekend, and made a huge effort to find it". Something like that would have been nice. My mom surely would have written THAT for me.

Might not help with what she has to do to make it up, but verifying for the teacher that she does seem to be telling the truth just seems like a kind thing to do as a parent (or human).

LOL - to be honest, I've never seen her do any homework. When we found out we were pregnant with twins, we converted the attic to her 2 room suite (lucky her). She does all of her homework up there.

PP have mentioned it falling in a car or bus, but she walks to school every day. I do like hoping that her teacher has it. We'll see how things go today. She's a little emotional, because her pet rat is dying (we had 2 tumors removed, but couldn't afford any more surgeries, and she has a huge bleeding tumor right now, and we didn't think she'd make it through the night).

I will update!

 

[brittanyherndon]

LOL - to be honest, I've never seen her do any homework. When we found out we were pregnant with twins, we converted the attic to her 2 room suite (lucky her). She does all of her homework up there.

PP have mentioned it falling in a car or bus, but she walks to school every day. I do like hoping that her teacher has it. We'll see how things go today. She's a little emotional, because her pet rat is dying (we had 2 tumors removed, but couldn't afford any more surgeries, and she has a huge bleeding tumor right now, and we didn't think she'd make it through the night).

I will update!

sry about the rat